Donarudo88 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 My girlfriend of almost 2 years found an open conversation I had with a girl I used to know in the past and it was bad. Real bad. Like sexually explicit to the point you could imagine what I was saying but didn't want to. This has crushed her and it's been almost a week since this happened. So much has been going on since this happened, and I'm so used to her easily forgiving me for the sake of getting over it and not hurting anymore..but this time that's not the case. And I don't know if I can really do anything about it. I've been through the apologizing routine with her numerous times, I fessed up to it and never denied a thing and sent flowers to her job, changed my phone # so she knows we won't ever talk again, you name it. But she feels although she appreciates these things, they have to come naturally and she has to know that she can trust me again and a year from now it won't just happen again I think her main concern was that I had feelings for this girl and she talked about how I never talked to her like that yet I go talk to another girl about what I wanna do to her in such great detail. I can't stress enough that I truly don't have feelings for this girl. But right now I'm having a really hard time coping even though I'm the one who messed up. The night that it all happened she asked me to bring her home and we didn't talk for about 3 days before we tried to talk things out. And one of things that she told me was she called one of her ex's when we weren't talking. I immediately went into PANIC mode for fear of losing my gf. I felt like it was highly inappropriate to call him and wasn't going to make my job making up any easier and would only push her away from me. I tried everything to get her to not talk to him but she insisted it wasn't a big deal it was only because she needed someone to talk to and I should be more focused on our relationship and what I can do to make her trust me again since she agreed to give me another chance. After telling me about this ex I couldn't eat or sleep for days. Despite everything she's told me. We used to argue about him even before this because he would text her every now and then.. it was always friendly but I'll admit I am a jealous guy at times. So she stopped it cut off all communication which made me feel at ease. But now I'm finding out that this entire time we've been together she's wanted to talk to him and I was the reason why she didn't. She felt like if I trust her and she's telling me it's only because he's a good friend then it shouldn't have been a problem and she's not going to do things just for me anymore so she came out and told me about him this time. I felt so sick to my stomach and couldn't help but think that she had feelings for him. So I asked her. The answer was yes. I had a fit and cried like a baby. She insist it's not really 'feelings' but she feels so hurt right now and he's always been a good listener and she would never get back with him so I don't need to worry and should focus on her and worry more about us. This is so hard to do. No one wants to hear another guy is a good listener no matter how innocent it is. and I honestly do trust her and take her word on this... she's never given me a reason to doubt her in the past or think she's sneaky or dishonest. So we were suppose to be moving in next week but I think that's on a temporary hold at the moment because we had a very serious conversation about the future of this relationship last night and all the cards were put on the table on both ends. It was hard for me to hear but she was willing to take me back and willing to give me another chance but right now she just needed time to get over this and not talk to me or see me in the meantime. She wanted things to go back to normal so fast that she tried coming to spend the night with me a few days after it happend (because I begged her to) and she did but we basically argued all night over him and she felt like coming was a mistake because she wasn't ready to be around me just yet and I'm not ready to focus on her only so we need to just be away from each other until everything is resolved and she doesn't hate me as much I guess. MY FEAR. She'll be talking to her ex while we're on this 'break' and it's not going to help the situation AT ALL. She insists that I have nothing to worry about and her heart will always be mine but I still can't get over the fact that she said yes when i asked her does she have feelings for him. It hurt so so bad. And she says she blames herself for not coming clean when we started talking and saying they were friends and she should be allowed to talk to him and I have nothing to worry about. I am now hearing about all of this and him now so it's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that some guy who's a 'good listener' is talking to my gf in the middle of an ordeal. And even though he's in a relationship too has a gf already that doesn't make me feel any better. And I'm sure it's nothing like I was doing with this other girl or anything like that between them but I can't get over it and I feel like unless I do and say all the right things when she's ready to come back to me it's only going to be a matter of time until her 'feelings' for him get stronger and she doesn't love me anymore. I have so much to ask and so much on my mind I don't know who to go to and everyone I try to tell immediately focuses on him and tell me there's a chance I might lose her but I don't want to focus on that and stay positive so that this works out. Ugh..
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