Limbo21 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Oh sh-t my stomach is in knots. I've been out every day for no more than 60 mins daily for the last 5 days. I've been eating more and have put 7lbs back on, I just cleaned my teeth after eating dinner and looked in the mirror ... "yes your starting to accept it, you WILL survive" I'm telling myself ... Just a moment of real progress. I even wrote that in my journal, as well as "I love you Amy" (sad I know) I came back downstairs and looked at my google account! There ... Right there an email from Molly Smith? I read a line and realised it was her under a pseudonym. A total of 2 from her today. She's created this as she thinks I've blocked her cos I haven't been responding So far I've ignored 5 texts and 2 emails (now 4 emails) and it's my 20day nc. I then went into my proper email account and she has sent the emails there too (I'd removed that account from my iPhone for fear of her contacting me) I DARE not read them. I'm absolutely terrifed, If any of you know how ill I am and have been with depression you would understand why I can't upset myself further. I've moved them both into folders so I don't read them but I don't know what to do. I want her back so badly. I love her so much but I dare not, can not read them. I feel so bad. Maybe she is asking for a reconciliation? Maybe she's telling me she's met someone else? WTF shall I do? I need you guys right now as I have no where else to turn. Why would she make a new email account? I feel sick to my stomach. I don't know what to do?
JaggedRoad Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I remember that happening to me 3 years ago. We ended up going back together and things ended 3 years later.
CaliGuy Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Keep ignoring her. Keep moving on. The longer you wonder what she is thinking and try to make heads or tails of her thought process, the longer it will take you to heal. So what if she is emailing you? Unless she is literally beating your door down, every email is simply a breadcrumb.
Dark_of_the_Moon Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Don't look.....NC all the way. I made that mistake just last week. Don't make the same mistake as me. You will be fine. You are strong and getting better all the time. Just write here instead of looking back or at the e-mails.
Odyssey Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Maybe she is asking for a reconciliation? Maybe she's telling me she's met someone else? WTF shall I do? I need you guys right now as I have no where else to turn. Why would she make a new email account? Maybe? What? Why? I'm guessing...she's only doing it for her. Don't fall for it. Each time you check up or contact her will kill your heart all over again.
selena_cat Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 (edited) First Limbo I wish to applaud you,the bunnies and I applaud you:bunny::bunny:! I feel exactly the same way you do but I however would be reading those e-mails,which gets me into real trouble,and really doesnt go anywhere nor lead to anything. And of course this leads me tempted to respond which i always do. Here you are being strong in NC, for this I may have to read your original thread to get the gist of it,you are really strong and doing this. However,its up to you,dont bother to read it,or if you want or up for it, have a friend read the e-mails for you if-though in your case ignorance is bliss,its up to you. Trust me when i say that Most of the time dumpers have nothing really to say or offer and only want to get in touch for validation, and to know that you are still around to want them,Cali said it right,its only Breadcrumbs, good luck to you! Amazing Edited November 2, 2009 by selena_cat
JL911 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 (edited) The reason for sending these is simple....To see if they still have you on a string or because whatever they thought they wanted or why they wanted to break up just isnt working out the way they had planned and they are looking for an in back where they were comfortable. My ex tried this too late after the break up and failed terribly...I got a message on my birthday pretty much asking how I have been and wishing me the happiest birthday ever...I smiled...then clicked DELETE...Hours later I was out with my new gal smiling wider than ever... You will know you are over it when these emails no longer phase you, or effect your daily life. You are getting there, and she realizes you are still pining after her so shes feeding her ego seeing if you will give her any response... If you cant face whats in the email...delete without reading...if you do read, dont respond...An email is a fairly fake way to confront someone without actually doing anything. If she wants to talk or wants a second chance she knows where you live, work, and play...This is just a cry for your attention and once she gets it she will disappear. Let it be man...Let her go...She left a good guy and needs to suffer the consequences or swallow her pride and come to you in person begging forgiveness...Until then you need to worry about yourself and find yourself and your freedom again... Edited November 2, 2009 by JL911
Author Limbo21 Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 Thanks for your opinions! Means alot. Well she just called me, the first time in 20 plus days and then a text. I didn't answer and haven't read the text. I date not she seems to be reaching out? Again thank you all for your responses, 1st time Caliguy has been on my threads and like us all I look up to him. There's no question I want to reconcile and she's sent emails, texts and callled but not knocked on my door yet. How long do I wait? I can't even handle reading the bloody messages yet ... I'm so messed up
Odyssey Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 ...I want to reconcile and she's sent emails, texts and callled but not knocked on my door yet. How long do I wait? I can't even handle reading the bloody messages yet ... I'm so messed up You shouldn't wait...get on with your own plans and focus on yourself. If she really wants to work things out and take you back, no amount of silence would stop her. She knows where you live. Stay nc. Don't check her emails. Rename her contact on your phone to 'don't f**king answer'. Be strong.
AliveAndKicking Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 I applaud your self-control Limbo. Holy cow! Knowing myself as I do there is no way I could not read them. Wow- you're my hero! I have to protect myself from myself so I blocked all lines of communication. My sitch is a little differnt as I have no desire to reconcile. I agree with CaliGuy: Emails and calls and texts are, essentially meaningless. If your ex really wants to get back with you she will walk through fire to get to you so if that's the case, well.... let her! All of those feelings you describe- the knot in the gut, etc, are all normal reactions. Allow 'em because, well, you can't stop them... It seems they have a sixth sense and know just when to slip a little crumb under the door, huh? She's most likely just making sure you're still "there" for her. Maybe you are- so be it. But keep it under your hat. In my experience those messages are NEVER about you- it is about them and something they NEED be it ressurance, an ego-boost, or someone to use as an emotional punching bag. We deserve SO much better than any of that, huh? You bet we do! Keep doing the right things, as you are, and keep those eyes looking forward in a positive direction. Great job!
Dark_of_the_Moon Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Good post A & K, thank you, I needed that too.
selena_cat Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 I applaud your self-control Limbo. Holy cow! Knowing myself as I do there is no way I could not read them. Wow- you're my hero! I have to protect myself from myself so I blocked all lines of communication. My sitch is a little differnt as I have no desire to reconcile. I agree with CaliGuy: Emails and calls and texts are, essentially meaningless. If your ex really wants to get back with you she will walk through fire to get to you so if that's the case, well.... let her! All of those feelings you describe- the knot in the gut, etc, are all normal reactions. Allow 'em because, well, you can't stop them... It seems they have a sixth sense and know just when to slip a little crumb under the door, huh? She's most likely just making sure you're still "there" for her. Maybe you are- so be it. But keep it under your hat. In my experience those messages are NEVER about you- it is about them and something they NEED be it ressurance, an ego-boost, or someone to use as an emotional punching bag. We deserve SO much better than any of that, huh? You bet we do! Keep doing the right things, as you are, and keep those eyes looking forward in a positive direction. Great job! Great answer Alive,when they throw a crumb then when theres no response then they throw a chunk of half eaten bread! it really means nothing, you are my hero too,maybe you should write a guide list on how to sucessfully ignore your Ex!
lilbelle Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Oh gawd, I remember the full inbox days with my ex husband. I used to read them, but there was so much anger towards him and his whore ass that it was easy to read between the lines. This went on for 7 months. Finally he got the point. I still read them sometimes every time I feel bad about the divorce. Helps me to remember the abuse and lies that drove me from him years ago. I applaud you for not reading them and maybe once you have moved on you can go back and read them.
Author Limbo21 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 Thanks guys for your support!!! It helps so much knowing I've people to talk too Well she called then text again this afternoon - I ignored and didn't read ... day 21nc pls don't think I'm a hero & have superhuman resolve and strength cos I don't. I'm not reading them simply because I'm not strong enough to read further rejection. I would literally break down. She has now called twice and text twice in the last 24 hours and that's not including 2 emails. I'm gonna have to get my brother to delete them or something cos I can't get into my texts now I'm going out to a comedy club tonight! That's a massive step for me, I might even have a few beers? Thanks again everyone, specially Selena cat and A&K for your 'hero' posts
TaraMaiden Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 I think you'd best simply delete the e-mails, don't relegate them to a separate folder. She's obviously trying to get under your skin, and it's unfair. Using a pseudonym to by-pass blocks is underhand and disrespectful. Block this name also, and just delete her emails. You're doing good. You're no hereo, sure. but you're doing all the right things, and making all the right moves. You're doing good. Not exactly 'Wolverine' standards, but it's ok.....!
AliveAndKicking Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Thanks guys for your support!!! It helps so much knowing I've people to talk too Well she called then text again this afternoon - I ignored and didn't read ... day 21nc Once again: BRAVO! Your courage is inspirational. pls don't think I'm a hero & have superhuman resolve and strength cos I don't. I'm not reading them simply because I'm not strong enough to read further rejection. I would literally break down. She has now called twice and text twice in the last 24 hours and that's not including 2 emails. I'm gonna have to get my brother to delete them or something cos I can't get into my texts now Kudos for recognising your limitations in regard to what is and is not healthy for you right now. I have been very masochistic in the past and would read and relive the abuse and rejection. You are protecting yourself- bravo! I'm going out to a comedy club tonight! That's a massive step for me, I might even have a few beers? Fantastic! Be careful with the brews- alcohol can unleash the emotions. Have a couple, enjoy, but please be careful, okay? _____________________________ Keep up the good work and have a blast tonight!
Author Limbo21 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 (edited) Thanks again guys. I do feel much better than this time last week for sure Well I've had 2 more texts in the last 6 hours so that's 4 waiting but can't delete them without the preview being displayed. She's proving to be very tenacious indeed. I guess I'll recieve a letter next. The only way I'll respond is if she knocks on my door, that would tell me she really wants me back - she only works 5 mins away (as a bloody church administrator) so it's quite possible she will. I'm just stunned how often she's texting, calling and emailing Thanks for the heads up on the alcohol A&K. I'm really nervous going to a packed bar but it should do me good. Yeah I'm feeling a little stronger and part of that is the support I'm getting from LS. Thankyou Edited November 3, 2009 by Limbo21 Damn the iPhone
selena_cat Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Church adminastrator,well thats not very religious of her,she needs to do the right thing,put up or $hut up..i say,you can always contact her pastor saying she's harrasing you:)
Recommended Posts