brokenglass Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I meet a girl, through whichever means (online or offline), we chat, exchange numbers, go out on a date, lots of chemistry, lots of laughing, lots of flirting, etc. We make plans to see each other again within a few days. Maybe there's a kiss, maybe not. Regardless, there is definite interest on the females part. Sometimes they will bluntly come out and say, "I like you and want to see you again." So why is it, when a few days goes by, and its time for the second date, or its been an appropriate amount of time before I contact them again, am I completely ignored? Rewind a few months ago. I met a slightly older woman who was awesome on the surface. I tried to take things slow but she was one of those all or nothing right now type of women. I went with the flow and that was a huge mistake. She turned out to be a lying, manipulative, deceptive lunatic. We have chosen to remain friends considering she has moved out of state (thank GOD). So for about the past 3 months or so, I've been on a total of 5 or 6 dates. With every single woman, I meet them, we chat, talk about what we want in a relationship, etc., and then I never hear from them again. Is this really just a matter of "I've found someone better"? Is it me? I really would love to get to the bottom of this because its gotten to the point where I am really ready to give up dating. I am really tired of meeting women I feel a connection with, I feel compatible with, there is mutual interest and then they flat out disappear. I know men are guilty of this too but, grow a set of nuts already ladies. If you like the other jerk off you've met more than me, just ****ing say it already.
Author brokenglass Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 I think I'm missing the most important point here. Stop asking people on the internet for advice. Anyway... A few things. No I am not needy, I decided to stay friends with the lunatic because shes a nice girl and has no friends or family, not that that's any of your business really. She's the needy one, that's why we're not dating anymore. Next, I'll stop talking about what I want in a relationship when the women stop telling me what they want first. Besides, when they're SO bored hearing me talk about what I want in a relationship, why do they either invite me back to their place or want to head to mine to watch a movie and hang out? Is that the definition of "running a woman off"? Thanks for the cookie cutter responses though.
Author brokenglass Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 (edited) Lets see. Last three dates I had went similar. I'll lay it down. We went out for dinner/movie/drinks and had a wonderful time. Afterward, we went back to my place/her place/my place and watched some movies & smoked/played some video games/watched some movies & smoked. Once a few hours had passed, she gave me a kiss, told me to call her and went home/she gave me a hug, told me to call her and I went home/she passed out on the couch with me, gave me a kiss in the morning and told me to call her. If that didn't make sense, 1) Dinner, back to my place, movies and toke, kiss and told me to call 2) Movie, back to her place, some video games, hug and told me to call 3) Drinks, back to my place, movies and toke, sleeping, kiss in the morning and told me to call. With each of those three girls, I called 5-6 days later and have been met with silence. The first girl actually responded to some texts. We had made plans to meet...a few days after standing me up I texted her and asked if she forgot about me and she said, "yes I forgot about you, sorry" and that was the last I heard from her. You can not believe me all you want, because I really don't have anything better to do than come onto a relationships forum and lie about my life. Also I feel necessary to clarify: 1) Approached me at a bar 2) I approached at a music event/club where friends in a band were playing 3) Messaged me over a dating website. Edited November 2, 2009 by brokenglass
Author brokenglass Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 Well, the first 2 girls I waited a week because every single piece of advice I had received up until this point says no contact within the first 7 days. If she's interested she'll remember. With the third girl, I texted her on Halloween and got a rather mundane response back and then tried to call last night, breaking my under 7 day rule advice. No answer and no response since.
Odyssey Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I can totally understand, i'm in the same situation and i have to keep reminding myself it's a numbers game, eventually i'll score. Yeah it's frustrating, but keep going man. It's only been a few dates...when everyone's on their best behaviour.
tfkizzle Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Sounds like you're waiting to long to call. Why are you waiting so long? Is that a tactic? This was exactly what I was thinking. There could be any number of reasons though. Maybe after the date they're just not interested anymore (the girl who "forgot" about you definitely wasn't at all interested, sorry to say). Just as an example, I like guys that have good manners. If it was our first or second date, and I went over to your place and you didn't walk me out/wait for a cab with me/walk me to my car (whatever is appropriate for the situation and where you live) I would be very put off. Combine that with having to wait 5 or 6 days for you to call me for another date, I would write you off as having low or no interest (ie I was a backup plan).
Odyssey Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 my ...7 day rule.i've never wait over a week to call though.
Author brokenglass Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 Oh wow, influx of responses. The third girl did spend the night however, we did not have sex. Lots of kissing and touching but I don't f**k on the first date. Second date is good if the chemistry is right. We actually did speak the following day through text message. She sent me a text saying she was zombied out and tired (we slept a total of 2 hours) and I responded saying I was tired too. Then the Halloween msg w/ mundane response and then the missed call yesterday. I think I'll reevaluate my 7 day wait period. In terms of my chivalry, I always walk a woman out to her car and am polite when it comes to things like this. And before anyone jumps my ass, I am not a pushover/way too nice guy. I just am nice when its appropriate. I mean after all, if I wasn't successful at dating I would be complaining about not getting any dates. Its just they don't amount to anything afterward.
tfkizzle Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 We actually did speak the following day through text message. She sent me a text saying she was zombied out and tired (we slept a total of 2 hours) and I responded saying I was tired too. Then the Halloween msg w/ mundane response and then the missed call yesterday. You realize that is a mundane response also, don't you? I think I'll reevaluate my 7 day wait period. In terms of my chivalry, I always walk a woman out to her car and am polite when it comes to things like this. And before anyone jumps my ass, I am not a pushover/way too nice guy. I just am nice when its appropriate. I didn't mean that as a criticism of you, just as an example of how it could be any number of things, or combination of things that might make a girl lose interest or whatever.
Lishy Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Ok the problem you are making is the 5-6 day wait! If you insist on waiting (which I dont recommend) then 2 days MAX! BUT if you really like her send her a little next the next day saying you had a good time and arrange another date I got put off a guy who I really like down to his lack of contact and now he is texting me and I have lost interest You snooze, you lose! remember that! Men like the chase and women like to be chased and paid interest in!
Heartford Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Hi, here's some more female insight, which concurs with others....... 7 days is too long. A brief msg the day after saying how much fun you had, and then a call a few days later asking to go out again would be much better. If not a call the next day, at least one 2 or 3 days later; that indicates that you're thinking of her and you're interested. 7 days later makes her feel like an afterthought...... And maybe messaging her on halloween made her feel like whatever you really wanted to do on halloween didn't plan out, so you texted her at the last minute...... the day before halloween would've been better. You do sound angry, why is that?
Author brokenglass Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 You realize that is a mundane response also, don't you? I guess looking back yes I do realize that. I was literally napping at my desk when I replied from being up all night with her. And maybe messaging her on halloween made her feel like whatever you really wanted to do on halloween didn't plan out, so you texted her at the last minute...... the day before halloween would've been better. You do sound angry, why is that? The message on Halloween was the same message I sent out to everyone in my phone basically saying Happy Halloween, etc. The reason we didn't make plans for Halloween was because she had plans, not me. I think I sound angry because, getting blown off by women I am not interested in after a date is a relief. But when I feel like I am being respectful of their space, not being clingy, not breathing down their neck. I go to work, I go to the gym, I hang out with my friends and I work hard at what I do. I just try to be an all around respectful, fun, humorous guy and these girls seem to be so into me and then bam...nothing. The angry tone is really just me feeling hurt I guess. I know I don't need anyone. I am content with me, with who I am, with what I do, etc. But it sure would be nice to share my free time with a lovely woman. *shrugs* I guess I just keep missing the boat.
Author brokenglass Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 Totally right. However, #3 and I have been texting for the past 3 minutes lol. I got paid today, guess who's going out on date #2? Hiiyooooo
Heartford Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Excellent news! See, it's paying off you being the respectful, fun, humorous guy......... I get your frustrations, but it's all good, basically it all boils down to who's into you and who isn't, and this girl seems into you, or else there wouldn't be another date. Most importantly, you asked for insight, so you were willing to try and see things from the other's point of view, which is an amazing quality that too many seem to be lacking. Congrats and have a great time!
Author brokenglass Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 I really can't believe I'm getting ready to type this out, but it happened and my mind has been spinning since last night. After I got off work, #3 called me after she got off work at around 9ish. She said she had to run to a friends house, then had to run home and get ready. She then told me about her day at work, brought up some meetings she had, etc. She then reiterated that she had to go to her house and that she was already almost there and that she'd call be back when she was ready to be picked up. Well she never called back. I texted her about 1 1/2 later to ask what time the place she wanted to go to closed, did not get an answer. I then called at around 11:30 and she never answered the phone. I didn't leave a message. I don't even know what to think right now. I have a million and a half thoughts running through my mind. Ugh... She asked why I didn't call her over the weekend, I told her I didn't want to be all up her ass, she laughed and thanked me...why would she want to set something up again for last night if she didn't like me? Did she only tell me she would to make me feel better? I just don't know what the **** to think. I need some more insight...
Lishy Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Ok this is the insight ... for whatever reason she was not interested in meeting you. Dont overthink it or worry about it, just move on with your new found information and dont stick around too long to call a girl now Oh and when a girl asks why you did not call, never say because you didnt want to be all up her ass .... Just say you were really busy Why did she set up the date? Who knows and honey you should not care! Her loss
Author brokenglass Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 Well it just seems like I can't do anything right then. Thinking about it being her loss makes it sound like I came out on top. Honestly, I feel like a gigantic loser.
Malenfant Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 i'm afraid i cant offer any answers but I also dont understand why #3 acted in that way. if I didnt want to see someone i'd either ignore them or tell them. Not say 'everythings fine, i'll text you soon' and then just not text back and ignore your texts and calls. people are so odd. and rather cruel to get your hopes up like that.
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