Is it wrong to like Asian women? When does it cross the line?

[Sam Spade]

As long as it's purely physical (and you don't turn the physical into an all-encompassing thing), it's cool.

 

What gets my goat is people who prefer Asians because they have certain (rather deluded) ideas on how Asian women are more 'traditional' (insert personal preference of what 'traditional' means here - which, for most men, means a girl that will not only be submissive, do all the housework, and put her man before everything, but also give in to his 'manly urges' and have sex on the third date ).

 

 

Well, the thing is that these are not deluded ideas (at least the part you don't misrepresent). Having dated an asian girl (and seeing some of my friends do too), it is precisely right that asian women, on average, are more traditional. My gf certainly doesn't put me before everything, or do all the housework, etc. But, she does let me take the lead pretty much all the time. It doesn't mean that she doesn't have her own mind, it means that she doesn't raise hell just to make a point, like any insecure butch white girl, but would refrain from conflict unless it is something that actually matters. What some people call submissiveness is simply appreciation of the fact that there are complementary roles/division of labor in relationships - a point that got lost long ago and nothing good came out of it. In other words, I have a lot more assurance that if I treat her well, she will treat me well - something that I could not say to the same extent in previoues relationships.

 

Much like overweight girls are upsed that guys would pick a thin one over them any day, I suspect that the "fierce" western woman is upset that most guys would pick an actually feminine woman any day as well.

Edited November 3, 2009 by Sam Spade

[threebyfate]

I sometimes think too many on LS, overthink superficial preferences. If you're attracted to Asians or purple people eaters, and they're attracted to you, does it really matter what other people think?

 

Now if you're attracted to [insert whatever preference(s)] and they aren't attracted to you, then that's something to be concerned about.

[Jaytb]

I sometimes think too many on LS, overthink superficial preferences. If you're attracted to Asians or purple people eaters, and they're attracted to you, does it really matter what other people think?

 

Now if you're attracted to [insert whatever preference(s)] and they aren't attracted to you, then that's something to be concerned about.

 

good point. purple people eaters need love too.

[ADF]

I am just curious and feel the need to throw this question out there.

 

Personally, I find myself (a 23-year-old white male) attracted to girls of Asian descent (Chinese, Japanese, Korean, etc). However, this would normally get interpreted as an Asian fetish/"Yellow fever"/etc, but I've always had issue with this due to the fact that it implies a sexual objectification.

 

However, I *do* find Asians more sexually attractive, but that is not the only reason I have that preference, and I wouldn't turn turn a girl of another race purely because of her ethnicity (an awesome girl is nevertheless awesome), but Asian features do carry a lot of weight for me.

 

Regardless, what are your thoughts on the matter? Do you think Asian women get freaked out by such a preference? Is it really any different from someone who prefers tall men, or smart women, or men with blue eyes, etc -- when does it cross the line from an acceptable preference to an all-out creepy fetish, in your opinion?

 

Many Asian women are reluctant to date white guys who CONSISTENTLY date nothing but Asian women because they fear being valued as fetish objects rather than as individuals. It is a reasonable fear.

 

I think a preference for Asian women differs from, say, a preference for blue eyes in that someone's ethnic identity comes packed with a lot more racist baggage than one's eye color. Asian women worry the white men will expect them to be meek and demure. They worry they are obsessed with thin, petite bodies. They worry they will be expected to be submissive and quiet. You get the picture.

 

Only you can know if that is true of you. But understand some of the fears Asian women have are justified.

[Jaytb]

Actually I was thinking about what Shadowplay said earlier. She said there's plenty of thin Caucasian women (who happen to be young), so dating Asians because they're thin is BS. Well, I see a lot of young, thin Caucasian women, but getting closer to middle age they seem to gain weight. On the other hand, most middle aged Asians seem to stay thin. (This is only my experience, I don't mean to offend anyone or generalize, I've seen plenty of exceptions).

[zicke]

Well, the thing is that these are not deluded ideas (at least the part you don't misrepresent). Having dated an asian girl (and seeing some of my friends do too), it is precisely right that asian women, on average, are more traditional. My gf certainly doesn't put me before everything, or do all the housework, etc. But, she does let me take the lead pretty much all the time. It doesn't mean that she doesn't have her own mind, it means that she doesn't raise hell just to make a point, like any insecure butch white girl, but would refrain from conflict unless it is something that actually matters. What some people call submissiveness is simply appreciation of the fact that there are complementary roles/division of labor in relationships - a point that got lost long ago and nothing good came out of it. In other words, I have a lot more assurance that if I treat her well, she will treat me well - something that I could not say to the same extent in previoues relationships.

 

Much like overweight girls are upsed that guys would pick a thin one over them any day, I suspect that the "fierce" western woman is upset that most guys would pick an actually feminine woman any day as well.

 

 

TROLL

 

 

 

 

 

YOU are a troll

[threebyfate]

good point. purple people eaters need love too.

True, as well as blue men or pink women. Whatever the colour is moot, as long as you're getting what you need, from the dating experience or relationship.

 

As for women gaining weight, all women gain weight when they get pregnant. Some lose it, others don't. My own mother had 4 children, is in her sixties and is still a size 4. My aunts are all reasonable size too, with grown children. And none of us are asian, all caucasian.

[tami-chan]

For all of you who are experts on Asian women, I thank you. It is good to learn about how I am supposed to be . I think some of you are more "asian" than I am .....those are the people I would be worried about....

 

I know somebody who argues with me about being "Japanese" - he is Caucasian and has never even been to Japan!!!!! it's quite amazing ...lol...

 

btw, vertex, nice pics, thanks for sharing....I am sure you will make some Asian woman happy one day

[aerogurl87]

I sometimes think too many on LS, overthink superficial preferences. If you're attracted to Asians or purple people eaters, and they're attracted to you, does it really matter what other people think?

 

Now if you're attracted to [insert whatever preference(s)] and they aren't attracted to you, then that's something to be concerned about.

 

Ok completely off topic, but TBF is that your wedding photo as your avi?

[Vertex]

For all of you who are experts on Asian women, I thank you. It is good to learn about how I am supposed to be . I think some of you are more "asian" than I am .....those are the people I would be worried about....

 

I know somebody who argues with me about being "Japanese" - he is Caucasian and has never even been to Japan!!!!! it's quite amazing ...lol...

 

btw, vertex, nice pics, thanks for sharing....I am sure you will make some Asian woman happy one day

 

Haha, thanks

[Els]

Well, the thing is that these are not deluded ideas (at least the part you don't misrepresent). Having dated an asian girl (and seeing some of my friends do too), it is precisely right that asian women, on average, are more traditional. My gf certainly doesn't put me before everything, or do all the housework, etc. But, she does let me take the lead pretty much all the time. It doesn't mean that she doesn't have her own mind, it means that she doesn't raise hell just to make a point, like any insecure butch white girl, but would refrain from conflict unless it is something that actually matters. What some people call submissiveness is simply appreciation of the fact that there are complementary roles/division of labor in relationships - a point that got lost long ago and nothing good came out of it. In other words, I have a lot more assurance that if I treat her well, she will treat me well - something that I could not say to the same extent in previoues relationships.

 

Much like overweight girls are upsed that guys would pick a thin one over them any day, I suspect that the "fierce" western woman is upset that most guys would pick an actually feminine woman any day as well.

 

I'm an Asian woman, and while I do agree that we are, in a true sense, more traditional, I can assure you that 90% of the men on this board do not know what it truly means. Especially those who are crying foul about American women playing 'hard to get' and whining about not getting sex on the third date. I just hate it when people twist the word to mean what they THINK or WANT it to, without even truly knowing Asian women.

[Vertex]

I've spent a total of four years dating Asian women and about three dating white women, and I could sit here and try to pick apart traits by race, but I think it'd be futile. The differences really came forth from person to person, and cultural influence only went so far when it came to Asian women. I think most people definitely have the wrong idea. My last girlfriend (who was Asian), for example, was an aggressive girl who was by no means "submissive." The first girlfriend I had who was Asian (who was also long-distance for a while before things turned IRL-oriented) was a bit more mild-mannered, but still by no means "traditional" in her mindset. My point is that various traits can be all over the place from race to race.

Edited November 4, 2009 by Vertex

[lost07]

I’m an Asian girl and I don’t think there’s nothing wrong with the way you feel. Asian girls just have the features that your attractive to just like some guys who think that every girl should be blond with blue eyes. You never know maybe later on you’ll find yourself liking a white girl for who she is and not how she looks but yet think Asian girls are hot. Like a married man who love his wife and fantasies about calendar models.

[Mei Mei]

I am a Chinese and is falling in love with a white man. We think that we are perfect for each others due to our compatibility in characters We do share similiar attitudes and views on various life perspectives too. There is simply no count on race, colour or shapes whatsoever.:bunny:

[threebyfate]

Ok completely off topic, but TBF is that your wedding photo as your avi?

Yes it is.

 

I have a number of asian friends, some women, some men. Some of them are in inter-racial marriages. The only similarities between all of them is that they're westernized, 2nd generation or more but lean towards a more conservative perspective in life.

[ADF]

Actually I was thinking about what Shadowplay said earlier. She said there's plenty of thin Caucasian women (who happen to be young), so dating Asians because they're thin is BS. Well, I see a lot of young, thin Caucasian women, but getting closer to middle age they seem to gain weight. On the other hand, most middle aged Asians seem to stay thin. (This is only my experience, I don't mean to offend anyone or generalize, I've seen plenty of exceptions).

 

This is a good example of the kind of fetishism I was talking about. Whatever the truth of the matter is, many white guys BELIEVE Asian women are unlikely to ever get fat, and prefer them for that reason. I have heard white men say this several times. They claims they like Asian women because they don't "goblinize."

[Turista]

Ironically, Asian women have chased me since I was 16. I do not seek them out, but if I go to a party, a social gathering, speed dating, or any other sort of mixer, I often get emailed by an Asian woman interested in going on a date with me. And why should I say no?

 

Similarly, on online dating sites, Asian woman both contact me and respond to my attempts at contact dramatically more often than any other ethnicity.

 

So as a result, 3 of my 4 major relationships were with Asian women. And they're not all great people. The last one was a Vietnamese narcissist about whom it's difficult to decide whether she was insane or just plain evil.

 

Now, I'm clean cut, in shape, overeducated, successful, and a part-time workaholic in search of the same to build a family so perhaps that alone filters out half of American women given our habitual cultural laziness and sense of entitlement, but ya know, who cares anymore? I just met an amazing woman, and whether it goes the distance or not is irrelevant, I'm having fun.

[Jaytb]

This is a good example of the kind of fetishism I was talking about. Whatever the truth of the matter is, many white guys BELIEVE Asian women are unlikely to ever get fat, and prefer them for that reason. I have heard white men say this several times. They claims they like Asian women because they don't "goblinize."

 

Well is it false? Obesity rates in Japan, South Korea, and Taiwan are miniscule compared to the United States. So to say that IN GENERAL Asians are thinner isn't fetishism. In specific cases, it differs from person to person of course.

[eiithan]

Well is it false? Obesity rates in Japan, South Korea, and Taiwan are miniscule compared to the United States. So to say that IN GENERAL Asians are thinner isn't fetishism. In specific cases, it differs from person to person of course.

 

Walking a considerable distance everyday while using the public transportation is a part of their life style. It reminds me of a yahoo article about how Parisian women keep themselves in great shape. Of course, they walk around the city, to school, to work, to everywhere. Do you have a obesity rate chart in SF by chance? It'd be interesting to compare.

[Jaytb]

Walking a considerable distance everyday while using the public transportation is a part of their life style. It reminds me of a yahoo article about how Parisian women keep themselves in great shape. Of course, they walk around the city, to school, to work, to everywhere. Do you have a obesity rate chart in SF by chance? It'd be interesting to compare.

 

SF? San Francisco? I don't know how you could get that.

 

Well they have cars in Taiwan, Japan, and South Korea too but they are less dependent on it.

[Isolde]

Unless her family members are obese and she has unhealthy habits, why would you avoid dating a woman because she MIGHT get fat in the future? Any woman in the world, and man, might get fat or get old and die at some point (actually, the aging and death part is certain). For the most part, you date someone for how they make you feel at present.

[Vertex]

In either case I am trying to move to Sanfran, haha.

[Jaytb]

Unless her family members are obese and she has unhealthy habits, why would you avoid dating a woman because she MIGHT get fat in the future? Any woman in the world, and man, might get fat or get old and die at some point (actually, the aging and death part is certain). For the most part, you date someone for how they make you feel at present.

 

Death is certain, getting older is certain (except for early death). Theoretically you want to be with someone for as long as possible and still keep the attraction. It's kind of like why you would want to date someone educated. They have a higher chance of making more money, and you want to have financial security when you're raising a family. Yes there are people who aren't educated and are still smart or make a lot of money but in general being educated is necessary to make more money.

 

Alright it's far from flawless logic but you get the picture. I do try to approach weight gain sensitively though. It can happen for a whole variety of reasons but it can be helped.

[bbf]

Walking a considerable distance everyday while using the public transportation is a part of their life style. It reminds me of a yahoo article about how Parisian women keep themselves in great shape. Of course, they walk around the city, to school, to work, to everywhere. Do you have a obesity rate chart in SF by chance? It'd be interesting to compare.

 

I'd say that diet is probably more significant. American food is so unhealthy.

[Vertex]

Agreed. A lot of it is most definitely diet. Many of the Asian girls I know simply eat different diets and stray from hamburgers/etc. Not to say they don't eat American food, but not nearly as often as others.