toself Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I have a problem, and know from past experience that posting in this forum is definately going to help me. I've been together with my girl for only a month or so. I officially live in a dorm 200-300 meters away from her house. I'm 18, and she's 16. She lives with her parents and her sister. For the past few weeks, I've been staying here. I've occasionally visited the dorm, but haven't slept alone in a while. In the weekends, I'll go home to my parents, bringing her with me, or I'll stay here with her. I feel very welcome here. Her parents seem to like me, and we get along very well. I like them too. A few days ago, when I was with my parents, my mum suggested that I move in with my girlfriend and her family. It'd save me the money I pay for my room at the dorm (and the food there) since I never go there anymore. The catch is, of course, that if this relationship ends before the school year does, my room at the dorm will probably be taken. I've spoken with my girlfriend about it, and her parents. She gave me a definite yes, and said she'd talk to her mother about it. She did, and so did I afterwards. Her mother says she's a little skeptical, but she would think about it. Today when I got "home", no one was in. I went to her (my girlfriend's) room, to find it re-decorated. I borrowed her laptop (which I am now on), to find an open MSN-conversaton. She was talking to one of her girlfriends. In this conversation she seemed a lot more unsure about me moving in. She said she was scared, and that she didn't know what to do. She also said that she re-decorated the room to make room for two. Now, this really messes with my conscience. I don't want to force her to live with me. But still, she says she wants to. But now that I know that's she just too afraid to say something else, I really don't know if I should be moving in here. I practically live her anyways, but she doesn't really want to make it official yet (she said to her girlfriend that she feels it's way too early - which I can perfectly understand). I'll meet her in 30 minutes or so. What should I do? Should I just tell her that I read the conversation, and show that I respect her, saying she should have said so in the first place? Or should I just act as if nothing happened? The second option is easier, but I don't feel like it. I'd feel guilty. What would you do?
Ronni_W Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 After only one month, I'd not suggest that ANY couple live together -- it is just too soon. But it doesn't sound as if you're thinking about it from a love-romance viewpoint as much as just the plain hard cash value that's in it for you. I honestly think that your mum must have temporarily "lost it" to think that it's okay to use this girl and her family so that you can save some money. If you can't afford ALL aspects of your education, then maybe you need a 'gap year' or to look for a part-time job that pays more. Saying nothing to your g/f would be dishonest and just delaying the inevitable. I would tell her that I rethought the situation, and think it is too soon to even think about moving in. I would NOT blame her by saying "you shoulda said so in the first place."
Lauriebell82 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 (edited) After only one month, I'd not suggest that ANY couple live together -- it is just too soon. But it doesn't sound as if you're thinking about it from a love-romance viewpoint as much as just the plain hard cash value that's in it for you. I honestly think that your mum must have temporarily "lost it" to think that it's okay to use this girl and her family so that you can save some money. If you can't afford ALL aspects of your education, then maybe you need a 'gap year' or to look for a part-time job that pays more. Saying nothing to your g/f would be dishonest and just delaying the inevitable. I would tell her that I rethought the situation, and think it is too soon to even think about moving in. I would NOT blame her by saying "you shoulda said so in the first place." Yep, I agree. Toself, do her parents actually let you sleep in the same bed with their 16 year old daughter WHILE they are in the house??? That sounds a little nuts to me. When I was 16 my dad made my boyfriend sleep in a seperate bedroom if he was even ALLOWED to spend the night in our house. If my 18 year old boyfriend were sleeping with me I think he'd have been sleeping with a baseball bat in his hands. Plus, after a month that's way too soon. I agree with Ronni. You should tell your gf that you rethought the whole thing and thought it would be best to wait. I advise you to spend more time in your dorm as well. She is so young (as are you), WAY too young to have a live in boyfriend. Edited November 2, 2009 by Lauriebell82
Author toself Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 Yep, I agree. Toself, do her parents actually let you sleep in the same bed with their 16 year old daughter WHILE they are in the house??? That sounds a little nuts to me. When I was 16 my dad made my boyfriend sleep in a seperate bedroom if he was even ALLOWED to spend the night in our house. If my 18 year old boyfriend were sleeping with me I think he'd have been sleeping with a baseball bat in his hands. Plus, after a month that's way too soon. I agree with Ronni. You should tell your gf that you rethought the whole thing and thought it would be best to wait. I advise you to spend more time in your dorm as well. She is so young (as are you), WAY too young to have a live in boyfriend. I don't know if this is a good thing or not, but her mother even suggested to go with her and get birth control pills. So she is obviously aware of that we are having sex, and so are my parents. (Empty condom packets in my room. Pretty embarassing, really). We talked a lot about it yesterday. I told her that I saw the conversation. She became really quiet for a while, but fortunately she started talking a little later. She said the conversation was pretty much a joke. They talked about us getting married and having children etc. - and the smilies used suggested a humorous tone. She said that the worst thing about me moving in was the fact that her mum is what she calls a "control freak". Even though I don't recognize her as one, she may of course have her negative sides that I cannot see. So she said that if things get "intense" at home, with her mum, we could "run off" to my dorm room. To some extent, I agree. Still, I don't find it right to run off like that when a conflict occurs. I told her so, and she seemed to understand. We haven't really made the decision yet, but both my mother and her mother keep asking me about whether or not I have talked to the administration at the dorm (about moving out). It surprises me, but it seems like they have already made their decision. We haven't, and it's our decision, if you ask me. I know it should be way too early, but it doesn't feel like it. So I must be crazy, I guess. Or blinded by love.. or something.
mark982 Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 she's dropping hints about her mom being a control freak etc,cause deep down i think she don't want you living with her,making her mom be the bad guy. but i got to agree with lauriebell, somethings seriously wrong with a mom letting you stsy with a 16 year old girl. myself--i'd be worried about someone reporting you to cps, then the real fun will begin.
Lauriebell82 Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 I don't know if this is a good thing or not, but her mother even suggested to go with her and get birth control pills. So she is obviously aware of that we are having sex, and so are my parents. (Empty condom packets in my room. Pretty embarassing, really). Wow. If my dad thought I was having sex at 16 with my 18 year old college boyfriend my dad would have been waiting outside the door with a shot gun. Seriously. I get that she doesn't want her daughter to get pregnant, but STILL! She said that the worst thing about me moving in was the fact that her mum is what she calls a "control freak". Even though I don't recognize her as one, she may of course have her negative sides that I cannot see. So she said that if things get "intense" at home, with her mum, we could "run off" to my dorm room. To some extent, I agree. Still, I don't find it right to run off like that when a conflict occurs. I told her so, and she seemed to understand. We haven't really made the decision yet, but both my mother and her mother keep asking me about whether or not I have talked to the administration at the dorm (about moving out). It surprises me, but it seems like they have already made their decision. We haven't, and it's our decision, if you ask me. It's YOUR decision which you seem to already know..good. I agree with Mark that she is probably trying to tell you she isn't ready to move in with you by telling you her mom is a control freak. I know it should be way too early, but it doesn't feel like it. So I must be crazy, I guess. Or blinded by love.. or something. I would say more like blinded by love. You are still in the honeymoon period, give it some time.
New Again Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 After only one month, I'd not suggest that ANY couple live together -- it is just too soon. But it doesn't sound as if you're thinking about it from a love-romance viewpoint as much as just the plain hard cash value that's in it for you. I honestly think that your mum must have temporarily "lost it" to think that it's okay to use this girl and her family so that you can save some money. If you can't afford ALL aspects of your education, then maybe you need a 'gap year' or to look for a part-time job that pays more. Saying nothing to your g/f would be dishonest and just delaying the inevitable. I would tell her that I rethought the situation, and think it is too soon to even think about moving in. I would NOT blame her by saying "you shoulda said so in the first place." I couldn't agree with this more. We haven't really made the decision yet, but both my mother and her mother keep asking me about whether or not I have talked to the administration at the dorm (about moving out). It surprises me, but it seems like they have already made their decision. We haven't, and it's our decision, if you ask me. Yes of course it's your decision. However, this is a major decision that affects all of them as well. That is why they keep asking you - Because you're being rude by dragging this out. And, oh yeah, they're parents, and you're only 18, and that is the kind of thing parents do.
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