Bryan R Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]The background: GF and I have been together about two years, not counting three months this past summer when she split with me and moved back to her house. We had lived together eight months before she moved out. We got back together two months ago but now live separately. She spends one or two nights a week at my place.[/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]We’ve talked about getting married when she’s done with school about year and a half from now. We are not engaged officially. I am very serious about the marriage and I believe she is too given how she talks about the wedding plans. [/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]She took on a male roommate about a month ago—I didn’t like that but I’ve always given her my trust so I haven’t made a big deal out of it. But now there are signs of at least emotional cheating (she confides with much less than before) and now signs she’s cheating on me sexually with her roommate or someone else. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Here’s the dirty little secret: I keep the personal sex lube in my nightstand. There were two tubes there before last weekend. After she left last weekend I put the one on the floor back in the drawer and noticed the other one was missing. I was suspicious but wrote it off as paranoia. She stayed overnight yesterday and today after left she called me to say she left without her little personal basket of meds and could I bring it to her. When I put some loose items in it I noticed sure enough there was the missing tube. So she must have taken it from my drawer a couple of weekends ago. I do not spend much time at her house; we only have sex at my place. (And no, we did not have sex here this weekend.)[/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]The only plausible reason she’d need it is that she has some med for migraines, suppositories, that might require the lube. So there is a quite slight chance that it’s innocent. She’s never told me she’s ever used them though, and she typically gives me every detail about her health issues. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]So how do I ask her about this? I’m not rushing into any confrontation with her before I think things through. I’ve looked up websites on how to deal with cheating partners in general but any insights or advice on my particular situation would be greatly appreciated.[/sIZE][/FONT]
Space Ritual Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Both my father and oldest sister use suppositories for migraines. Being that I have seen them in the jar before I am pretty certain they contain a fair amount of lubrication agents as it is (not only for ease of insertion, but also so that they don't clump up in the bottle). Of course I don't use them myself so hopefully someone here with experience in the use themselves will post. Matybe also if you happen to know the brand name you may be able to look it up on WEBMD as to the components. But again...if she has never mentioned using them... I can only say that from what you describe thats I would be very suspicious, given that she has taken on a male room mate. So let me get this straight...she moves a guy in a month ago, and you see now that the lube has been returned? I don't want to feed any paranoia, so if this is bothering you I would suggest sitting her down and explaining your concerns with the male roomate. I mean how does she know this guy? How long have they been friends? what history do they have if any? I'd want to know a little more detail before giving you a response, but as a guy who has been cheated on before my Cheating Radar is redlining here. You will get a better sense of what is going on by her answers. Any evasiveness or out of character defensiveness will tell you the story. I have read posts here form people who say to never trust your gut. But I am a big proponent of the gut feeling. It has never ever steered me wrong and I swear by it...what's you gut telling you?
Bryanp Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I guess that she would have no problem if you went out and got a good looking girl for a roommate also?
Dexter Morgan Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Bryan...how do you ask her if she is cheating? YOU DON'T!!! You do whatever you have to do, without her finding out, to get proof, then you hit her with the proof. Give her a chance to lie about it, then whip out the proof. Follow her, have a friend that would do it follow her, read emails, look at phone logs, texts. But the best one is to follow her. Or you can flat out ask her where the other tube of lube went. And when she lies about it, just tell her to get out and never come back.
1Angel Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 "I don't feel you are being honest with me so, buh-bye!"
JumpinJimmy Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Don't confront her until you gather more info. Keylogger, GPS in the car, looking around her stuff more. It is your job to play the goalie and block all shots on net.
boldjack Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I agree with Dex, on this one. You need to gather more info on what is happening, BEFORE you make any kind of move. In fact, you shouldn't mention it at all, until you are ready to confront. If she is cheating, you will only be warning her to hide it better. BTW if she is cheating now, do you really want to be with somebody this dishonest?
FreezorBurn Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 She got a guy for a roomate? and your where ok with it??? Thats the mistake, NO way in hell she you have been ok with her having a guy roomate. That is completely out of line. In college My Girlfriend asked me if I would mind if she had a guy roomate. I said no problem I just wont be your boyfriend any more. Your being WAY TO LIBERAL and there is no good that can become of this male roomate. Best wishes to you.
samspade Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Bryan...how do you ask her if she is cheating? YOU DON'T!!! You do whatever you have to do, without her finding out, to get proof, then you hit her with the proof. Give her a chance to lie about it, then whip out the proof. Follow her, have a friend that would do it follow her, read emails, look at phone logs, texts. But the best one is to follow her. Or you can flat out ask her where the other tube of lube went. And when she lies about it, just tell her to get out and never come back. I like this, but I would go a step further and simply dump her. If she is behaving in a way that makes you suspicious, then, regardless of whether she has physically cheated, her interest level in you has dropped. Her behavior is not that of a girlfriend who merits your further attention. No need to play Inspector Clousseau. Just drop her and find someone else. My reason is simple: Even if you have absolute, 100% proof of her cheating, and you show it to her, she will either a) deny it anyway, or b) blame you. It will never be her fault. Women have zero accountability. Good luck.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 I like this, but I would go a step further and simply dump her. If she is behaving in a way that makes you suspicious, then, regardless of whether she has physically cheated, her interest level in you has dropped. Her behavior is not that of a girlfriend who merits your further attention. No need to play Inspector Clousseau. Just drop her and find someone else. My reason is simple: Even if you have absolute, 100% proof of her cheating, and you show it to her, she will either a) deny it anyway, or b) blame you. It will never be her fault. Women have zero accountability. Good luck. I agree, just dump her....tubes of KY don't just dissappear and she didn't take it with her to grease a squeaky doorknob.
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