Brady_to_Moss Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 50/50 chance of it working out or not. Not very good odds
Brady_to_Moss Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 The next day I find out via facebook that he has a new girlfriend and is planning to move up to Canada with her in less than a month. Yeah I was pissed off, lol. I don't get why someone would move their whole life..to be with someone after only a month...talk about dumb
JL911 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Aerogurl, Ill be honest your boyfriend seems like hes got the right idea on things and was very open about the fears that surround him when you talk marriage and these are the things he wants to feel comfortable about before he buys a ring. He's right relationships do change siginficantly once this happens. While the love may be there, its now a partnership of bills, housework, and problems that need to be dealt with. Not to mention if you want kids (whole other issue)...I'm sure everyone on here who is in a young relationship cannot picture your parents acting as romantic as you are at this point...But they were, and then their relationship changed some. It is not all fun and games, there are going to be some big issues to handle and you need to know your partner is in it prior to making this big decision...
Author aerogurl87 Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 Aerogurl, Ill be honest your boyfriend seems like hes got the right idea on things and was very open about the fears that surround him when you talk marriage and these are the things he wants to feel comfortable about before he buys a ring. He's right relationships do change siginficantly once this happens. While the love may be there, its now a partnership of bills, housework, and problems that need to be dealt with. Not to mention if you want kids (whole other issue)...I'm sure everyone on here who is in a young relationship cannot picture your parents acting as romantic as you are at this point...But they were, and then their relationship changed some. It is not all fun and games, there are going to be some big issues to handle and you need to know your partner is in it prior to making this big decision... I agree JL911, and actually the fact that he was upfront and has a realistic view about everything makes me want to stay with him even more. I know marriages are more than a wedding and a honeymoon by the beach and I'd rather be with someone who feels the same way. But as I said earlier it's too early for us to even think about that, right now I'm just having fun learning more about him. But I was just curious as to what other men's thoughts on getting married were.
Author aerogurl87 Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 I don't get why someone would move their whole life..to be with someone after only a month...talk about dumb I didn't get that either. He had known me for almost half a year and refused to get an apartment with me in his city, yet he was willing to up and move to a new country to be with someone he barely knew anything about. Hence another reason why I'm glad we are no longer together.
mushmush Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Grass is always greener, everyone always knows that....
Sam Spade Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 The # 1 reason why men are afraid to get married has nothing to do with dialing down freedom and dialing up responsibility, but with the *unreasonable* expectations that present day women have of marriage. We're getting a raw deal because men are expected to stay stuck in their traditional roles (rocks, providers), while women are supposed to be out and about experimenting with a plethora of new roles (to be supported and encouraged by their husbands, naturally). In this context, the payoff of being a devoted husband is practically zero. Hence, the aversion.
bayouboi Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 It's a raw deal. The "new modern" woman doesn't put forth the effort it takes to maintain a relationship. She uses her "freedom" to move on whenever she no longer gets what she wants out of her relationship. The legal system encourages this behavior by unfairly siding with the woman more often than not. This is my perception, at least, having gone through a divorce with a cheating spouse. I am not against getting married again...but the #1 thing I'd want to find out is that the person I'm marrying keeps communication open and wants to put forth every effort to make things work.
Author aerogurl87 Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 It's a raw deal. The "new modern" woman doesn't put forth the effort it takes to maintain a relationship. She uses her "freedom" to move on whenever she no longer gets what she wants out of her relationship. The legal system encourages this behavior by unfairly siding with the woman more often than not. This is my perception, at least, having gone through a divorce with a cheating spouse. I am not against getting married again...but the #1 thing I'd want to find out is that the person I'm marrying keeps communication open and wants to put forth every effort to make things work. I agree that there are lots of women out there like this (as well as men from my experience) and that's why I think the divorce rate is high. People think that marriages magically work with no work. Well if you buy a brand new house and don't clean it and keep it up to date with repairs is the house going to stay in good shape? Nope it will fall apart, same with a marriage. You have to keep working on it to keep it up and keep it good. I really don't understand why people don't understand this anymore.... oh wait, yes I do. It's because of the lie Disney and other movie makers have been perpetuating for the last couple of decades. Couple meets, falls madly in love, gets married, and lives happily ever after. Too bad we live in reality though *sigh*
Sam Spade Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 . It's because of the lie Disney and other movie makers have been perpetuating for the last couple of decades. Couple meets, falls madly in love, gets married, and lives happily ever after. The happily ever after part is usually where the movie ends; it's never shown. It is easier to die for the woman you love than to live with her .
bayouboi Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I agree that there are lots of women out there like this (as well as men from my experience) and that's why I think the divorce rate is high. People think that marriages magically work with no work. Well if you buy a brand new house and don't clean it and keep it up to date with repairs is the house going to stay in good shape? Nope it will fall apart, same with a marriage. You have to keep working on it to keep it up and keep it good. I really don't understand why people don't understand this anymore.... oh wait, yes I do. It's because of the lie Disney and other movie makers have been perpetuating for the last couple of decades. Couple meets, falls madly in love, gets married, and lives happily ever after. Too bad we live in reality though *sigh* My now recent ex actually made a comment to the extent of us having the fairy tale relationship that would end up happily ever after. Having been married for 4 yrs I told her that the real thing takes hard work to make it successful. She looked at me very perplexed by this. I broke up with her because she had become physically distant from me. She had even made a comment along the lines of holding out a little because "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" as if to suggest that the sex tap would get turned back on once we got married. I was tempted to respond with "why buy the cow that doesn't produce milk anymore?" but I was trying to be on good behavior then
pandagirl Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I have the impression that while women wait and wait for the "right guy" to come along for marriage, guys more decide one day: "I'm ready to get married." And whoever comes into their life at the right time to settle down with, they will commit and get married.
Sam Spade Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 It's because of the lie Disney and other movie makers have been perpetuating for the last couple of decades. Couple meets, falls madly in love, gets married, and lives happily ever after. Too bad we live in reality though *sigh* The happily ever after part is usually where the movie/book ends; it's never shown. It is ironic (or not?) that the longing for transgressive sort of love is prevalent mostly in the sterile, safe, and affluent middle class. Well, you can't have it both ways. If you want thrills & transgression, fine, but don't whine, but move to the middle east and start an affair with a sheikh's woman, or move to monaco and plot to kill the count's wife. And if not, admit that if didn't so happen that Romeo and Juliet's families to be at war, they would be just another couple of boring teenagers. It is easier to die for the woman you love than to live with her .
Author aerogurl87 Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 I broke up with her because she had become physically distant from me. She had even made a comment along the lines of holding out a little because "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" as if to suggest that the sex tap would get turned back on once we got married. I was tempted to respond with "why buy the cow that doesn't produce milk anymore?" but I was trying to be on good behavior then Lol. How long had you two been together at this point and was she looking to get married ASAP or were you two living together by then?
Author aerogurl87 Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 I have the impression that while women wait and wait for the "right guy" to come along for marriage, guys more decide one day: "I'm ready to get married." And whoever comes into their life at the right time to settle down with, they will commit and get married. I think that's true for some guys too. Not all, but some.
bayouboi Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Lol. How long had you two been together at this point and was she looking to get married ASAP or were you two living together by then? Together a year. We weren't living together b/c she's very independent but we had talked about a future and even looked at rings together. Donno how she lost the spark, but from what I've learned about women once it's gone it's gone.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I married the wrong girl. It will take me yrs to recover financially. I'm not opposed to marriage again. As long as there is an iron clad-prenup. Yes! I'm not going to pay 60% of my income to someone who fooled me into marriage. I've already had a horrible experience with a woman who did a 180 the moment I said my vows. If she doesn't like the idea of a prenup... then now you know what she is all about!
Skump Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 No-fault divorce needs to die. I understand the judicial concern that led to NFD (worries about perjury becoming accepted in the courtroom), but it isn't the way to deal with that problem. Ending NFD would go a ways to rehabilitating marriage in the minds of guys, because it would prevent a woman from destroying a guy's financial position on a whim because she's "bored." Seriously, half of the women who bolt on that excuse are so driven by ephemeral emotions and infantile fantasies that they could hardly be regarded as even acting in their own self-interests.
Author aerogurl87 Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 Together a year. We weren't living together b/c she's very independent but we had talked about a future and even looked at rings together. Donno how she lost the spark, but from what I've learned about women once it's gone it's gone. Ok well yeah that is weird. If my boyfriend took me to look at rings I think the last thing I'd be doing is going cold turkey on the sex (although I doubt that could happen period with me. ) But hmm, oh well on to find someone better. I'm not going to pay 60% of my income to someone who fooled me into marriage. I've already had a horrible experience with a woman who did a 180 the moment I said my vows. If she doesn't like the idea of a prenup... then now you know what she is all about! I think the whole bit about the woman doing a complete 180 after she's married is another one of my boyfriend's biggest fears, or at least that's what it is from what I gathered. I don't see the problem with a prenup especially if you plan on making your marriage work for the rest of your lives. It's just a safety net for in case things go awry, but if you plan on working at your marriage from day one it shouldn't be a problem. Not like you'll be using it anyway. But then that's where the notion of it's "not romantic" comes into play because your adding something realistic to most people's little fantasy world and I guess they don't like that.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I think the whole bit about the woman doing a complete 180 after she's married is another one of my boyfriend's biggest fears, or at least that's what it is from what I gathered. I don't see the problem with a prenup especially if you plan on making your marriage work for the rest of your lives. It's just a safety net for in case things go awry, but if you plan on working at your marriage from day one it shouldn't be a problem. Not like you'll be using it anyway. But then that's where the notion of it's "not romantic" comes into play because your adding something realistic to most people's little fantasy world and I guess they don't like that. I lucked out because she did a 180 nearly the day after the honeymoon. For most other guys it's a slow progression. I still wasted 2 years trying desperately to make things work.
Sam Spade Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I lucked out because she did a 180 nearly the day after the honeymoon. For most other guys it's a slow progression. I still wasted 2 years trying desperately to make things work. What happened? Do tell? I'm not married yet, but I'm taking notes on what to watch about...
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 What happened? Do tell? I'm not married yet, but I'm taking notes on what to watch about... Well, she was very physical and very affectionate while dating. For her age she had been with a TON of guys before me. I was young and naive, so I never bothered to ask myself why. The relationship progressed really well, she was about as close to the perfect GF as I can imagine. So, we got married and she changed immediately. After the honeymoon it was like 4 months before we did anything intimate again. Bottom line is that she had a totally different view of sex. For her it was a tool to get whatever she wanted from me. Once we were married she felt like she didnt' need to do anything to keep me around. I think lots of women are like that... they think "now I have him"... and don't have to put any effort into the physical stuff, but get more demanding on the emotional front.
phineas Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Yes! I'm not going to pay 60% of my income to someone who fooled me into marriage. I've already had a horrible experience with a woman who did a 180 the moment I said my vows. If she doesn't like the idea of a prenup... then now you know what she is all about! That or the next woman I marry has to make more money than me so I can get support from her if she cheats.
Sam Spade Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Well, she was very physical and very affectionate while dating. For her age she had been with a TON of guys before me. I was young and naive, so I never bothered to ask myself why. The relationship progressed really well, she was about as close to the perfect GF as I can imagine. So, we got married and she changed immediately. After the honeymoon it was like 4 months before we did anything intimate again. Bottom line is that she had a totally different view of sex. For her it was a tool to get whatever she wanted from me. Once we were married she felt like she didnt' need to do anything to keep me around. I think lots of women are like that... they think "now I have him"... and don't have to put any effort into the physical stuff, but get more demanding on the emotional front. Thanks for sharing. Generally the above chain of evens is in the core of men's fears, mine included. I guess the only insurance is the willingness to walk away. The problem is that in many cases the erosion is slow and happens over time, so people begin to feel powerless in front of the succubus . I'm trying to cope my making my expectations clear upfront to my gf. We'll see where it takes me/us...
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 That or the next woman I marry has to make more money than me so I can get support from her if she cheats. LOL... sounds great, but I bet they would either laugh you out of court or give you just a tiny sliver of what a woman would get. Don't ever get confused and think our legal system is gender neutral. Thanks for sharing. Generally the above chain of evens is in the core of men's fears, mine included. I guess the only insurance is the willingness to walk away. The problem is that in many cases the erosion is slow and happens over time, so people begin to feel powerless in front of the succubus . I'm trying to cope my making my expectations clear upfront to my gf. We'll see where it takes me/us... Well, there is a lot more stuff that went on... I just focused on the physical stuff. I think the key is to make sure you two are both on the same page, especially with kids. See, in my mind wife comes 1st, kids 2nd... and lots of women would disagree with that... which is why they suck as wives, and are horrible mothers as well. If she can't be a good wife to you, she definitely is not going to be a good mother to your kids.
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