23 - Never Had a Boyfriend

[onceagain]

Mostly, I want to vent. I'm tired of being single. I've never had a boyfriend and I'm 23. I've had lots of flings, a few "friends with benefits things", and I have a lot of male friends whom I adore dearly. I've have a 'friend with benefits' for about 6 months and, of course, I fell for him. This is NOT reciprocated. I'm not suprised, but it still hurts. So I've decided to change my 'strategy'. As hard as its going to be, I'm going to STOP having sex with this guy and try to find a real bf. I'm scared that Ill be single forever. I'm almost 24. I'm an old maid. I really really want an old-fashioned relationship, ie. going out, etc. These sexual things are too heart wrenching for me and I feel bad about it. Ok. thanks.

[Tony T]

You are far from being an old maid. I endorse your strategy of ceasing the friends with benefits idea and moving on to more romantic relationships. You'll fare a lot better if you put off having sex until you are certain the guy you are dating at the time is sincere about wanting to have a relationship with you or at least is after more than just sex.

[onceagain]

Thanks, I think so too. I'm just scared that no man will ever want me for anything BUT a sexual only relationship. I don't think this is an irrational fear, since, Hello!, if any guy ever actually *liked* me, I woulda had a boyfriend years ago. I kinda wish I was Indian so I could have an arranged marriage. lol.

[yes]

two things - if you're convinced a man could only want you for sex, it probably shows, and results in your lack of love-life; also, when guys see you have all these friends with benefits/flings, they figure that's what you're like & that's what you're after and that if they want a romantic relationship, they better look elsewhere.

 

so yeah, drop these fwb things, maybe get some self-esteem counselling (counsellors can be of great help, trust me!)...

 

good luck,

-yes

[longlegzs80]

I totally agree with tony. You are not an old maid. I am 22, and never really dated. Never had a "friends with benifits" thing either. But, I understand where your comming from. You want to love and affection, the going out and having a great time, maybe possibly wined and dinned. Oh, yeah, everything I want too. But, you need to change your ways alittle. You need to have a ladies night out and go out and have some fun. Laugh, giggle, eat alot, meet new people when your out, just stuff like that. HANG OUT WITH THE GIRLS, especially your girl friends that are single and looking for men too.

 

Now, have you ever asked your guy friends what it is about you with being single all the time? I find guys to be very upfront when it comes to that in some sense. Well, I find the guys I know to be very upfront about that with me. Maybe you are sending the wrong vibe. There are people especially myself who send guys the wrong vibe therfore I am still single because of it. I know that is the reason and I am not like most women. But, what you need to go is write down stuff that people say they like about you the most. Then write down what you like about yourself and things you want to work on or possibly change in the future. This can help you out greatly and give you a sense of self and how people perseve you. GEezz Louise, I should do this myself.

 

But, when it comes to guys I think they like women who are confident, clean appreance, and has a positive attitude and loads of fun to be with. Now, I am not saying you should change your ways, but if you are sick of being single, you should make an attempt to talk to the guy your crunching on or try to figure out what it is about yourself that is possibly giving a guy the wrong vibe. Good luck.