USMCHokie Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Hi everyone, I'm a relatively long time lurker, and I finally decided to take the plunge to get a little more involved in the LS community. I figured the Coping Forum would be the best one to introduce myself in, since it's the one I've been on the most since my breakup back in July (unfortunately I didn't find LS.org until a September...so I made my fair share of stupid mistakes...). I'm sure I'll tell more details of my story as I post more on the forums, but my last relationship was my first real one (~8 months). I'm 25, she's 26. I knew her from college, but never talked to her. She transfered after our second year. Then 7 years later, we reconnected on Facebook and from then, it was just amazing. But it was one of those where the relationship basically consumed itself, me, and her, and both of us had nothing outside of it. She had been out of work for about 10 months and still living with her parents, and I ended up spending a bit too much time with her. I didn't spend time with my other friends, and I stopped doing things that I used to do when I was single. Things were moving way too fast, and we had even entertained ideas of marriage. However, we realized that neither of us were in a position to settle down, as she hadn't established herself or her career, and I couldn't maintain my own life outside of her. We decided it was best to end it, as she gave me the "need some space" line, and I didn't want to play that game. After we broke up, I thought we had made a huge mistake and spent the next month and a half trying to get us back together...of course that just pushed her further and further away, as I've learned it will do in my time here on LS. She wanted to be friends, and I was stupid to think it could work. Eventually she'd had enough of my pleading, and I agreed to NC until she wanted to talk to me again. Haven't talked to her since... It has certainly been an up and down time since then. We've done the NC thing since about mid-Sept, and it's certainly been a tough time. But it's strange...if I could live the past year over again, I'd do nothing different...from the breakup, to the month of pathetic pleading and begging, to the period of NC...there is no way I would have learned all I learned and become the person I am now without having experienced all that...yea, it definitely sucked on a lot of those days...but I'd do it again...every time...it seems like a lot of us are regretting past decisions and mistakes, but like so many people repeatedly say on these forums, everything we do has a purpose, and until we have a chance to look back on what we've done, we won't realize its meaning... My ex has since moved on to someone new, but since we'd gone NC, I really have no idea what she's been up to. Of course I think about her every day still, and sometimes it's hard to sleep and painful to wake up, but it gets better every day. At this point, I've stopped being angry at her or sad about our breakup...I almost pity and feel sorry for her...she's still out of work, and I don't see her being able to find anything for a long time, especially with the economy the way it is...I hate to talk too highly for myself, but my friends insist that I'm one hell of a catch...I've got my career and my life together, good family, in shape, etc...one of my really good friends actually told me about a month into dating her that I had to launch her...he said that I could do so much better and that I was the best thing she would ever have...and that even she knew this...of course I didn't believe him...until now... Like Caliguy and BCCA and carhill and I'm sure many others (those are the names I can recall at the moment...) have said, after a breakup, the first thing you have to do is realize your self worth. I had always had self-esteem problems, and it actually annoyed my friends and especially my ex when I'd be self-deprecating...it's not until you realize that you're the bee's knees that you can really start getting over it. I know that my ex has found someone new, but like I said before, I really pity her now...if she honestly thinks she's happy now with this guy, who plays in a band and really doesn't have any future, then I've got to feel sorry for her that she thinks she's actually happy...fake it til you make it, huh...? I hate to say it, but I really do think that I was the best she'll ever have... I still think about her all the time...and I feel like I'm not ready to date or find someone new...yet I want to move on...it's all still quite conflicting...I'm sure I could do better, but part of me still wants her...and that's probably the toughest part of this...accepting that it's over, yet still wanting it deep down inside... Well, I just wanted to introduce myself and a little bit of my story...I'm going through everything that all of you are going through or have gone through, and I hope I'll be able to provide input as well as get advice. Out of everything I've learned from LS, I'd want to stress the NC rule the most...I wish that I had done it sooner...
Tamia78 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Welcome! This was a great read for me. Thanks for posting it! It's wonderful that you are taking something positive from all this. Enjoy yourself , I've found wonderful encouragement from those here. --T
stace79 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Great read for me, too. Hearing you say that you would do everything over again, even the bad parts, made me feel better about my situation. Lord knows I have definitely made my share of stupid decisions! My fiance and I broke it off just about two weeks ago, but due to the circumstances surrounding it, I have not really felt the effects of the break up until yesterday and today. It's been amicable -- we will probably still touch base some -- just because of the situation. You could probably deduce from my other posts, but I got pregnant. And just this weekend found out I miscarried. So anyway, all my F's mistakes and mine aside, he is at least trying to be supportive as we go through that loss. It is really, really so hard -- even though I know and he knows we are not right for each other and have made the right decision, it is like losing your best friend. We went through about as much trauma as anyone could -- two miscarriages, he had some severe health problems, I lost my best friend to a car accident, I had some health issues, long distance for a few months as he moved for a better career... it was a lot and we leaned on each other so much during all the 3.5 years I was with him. Anyway, I am glad to have read someone's perspective who is getting to the healthy, positive outlook on things. It is helpful to remind myself of what I always say -- that the pain really does get easier. Thanks.... oh and I notice USMC in your name -- if you're a serviceman, thank you! My nephew is entering boot camp for USMC in December.
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