TaleSpin Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 So, I guess I'm "seeing" this guy. I met him on Facebook. We talked online for a few weeks, sending messages back and forth. Then, we talked in text for a week or two. Then, one week ago, I met him at a party at his house. We had really amazing sex that night. I spent the night two other times afterward and saw him briefly yesterday. We've talked everyday, except today. I'm 22, and he's 25. This guy is a pretty hardcore party animal, as am I on occasion. He's not the kind you would expect to be looking for anything serious, but it turns out that he's actually a considerate, sweet person when sober and in private. I'm a little unsure of where he stands on dating and relationships given the polar opposite nature of his public and private personas. On one hand, he has a list of "how to get laid" strategies posted on his refrigerator. On the other hand, he has a match.com profile saying he's looking for someone to share his life with who is open to the possibility of children. So... what the hell!? That being said, is it kosher that I still see and sleep with other people? I'm not interested in asking him "where this is going" or any junk like that. It's only been a week, and I just got out of a 3 year long relationship, so I'm in no rush to solidify anything. I'm just wondering what the standard assumption would be based on the details.
JustLooking123 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Unless you two have established exclusivity, you're free to see and sleep with whomever you want. And, wear a condom .
Author TaleSpin Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 Oh! Also, if at some point in the future I did establish exclusivity with this guy, should I feel any obligation to tell him I slept with other people when we were first dating? This is kind of the part I'm most worried about.
CLC2008 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Honestly, it sounds like the two of you are just Friends with Benefits. Actually, not even since it sounds like all you've done is horizontal mambo.
aerogurl87 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Ok so he's sweet and considerate when sober, what about when he's not sober? Since you say he parties alot, that would be one of my concerns. And you two are right now FWB at best from what I can see. You can sleep with whoever you want and date whoever you want.
tfkizzle Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 You two aren't dating, you're just hooking up. See whomever you like. If you two ever do actually start dating and/or become exclusive, you are not required to tell him anything, but I wouldn't lie about it either if he comes right out and asks you about it.
Author TaleSpin Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 (edited) He's mostly just off-the-wall crazy when he's not sober... and waaaaay kinkier in the sack. Hahaha. We went to two Halloween parties together, out to lunch once (on him), and to hang out with mutual friends once... the spending the night part comes after whatever the original plan is, lol. Maybe I should have been a little more clear about that. He's offered to make me food a couple times, but I always decline because I'm a vegetarian and also ridiculously picky. Haha. Edited November 2, 2009 by TaleSpin
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 If you're interested in sleeping with/dating other people, why not? No exclusivity has been established. How do you know he's not already doing the same thing?
dreamergrl Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 So, I guess I'm "seeing" this guy. I met him on Facebook. We talked online for a few weeks, sending messages back and forth. Then, we talked in text for a week or two. Then, one week ago, I met him at a party at his house. We had really amazing sex that night. I spent the night two other times afterward and saw him briefly yesterday. We've talked everyday, except today. I'm 22, and he's 25. How do people use facebook to meet new people? Mutual friends? This guy is a pretty hardcore party animal, as am I on occasion. He's not the kind you would expect to be looking for anything serious, but it turns out that he's actually a considerate, sweet person when sober and in private. I'm a little unsure of where he stands on dating and relationships given the polar opposite nature of his public and private personas. On one hand, he has a list of "how to get laid" strategies posted on his refrigerator. On the other hand, he has a match.com profile saying he's looking for someone to share his life with who is open to the possibility of children. So... what the hell!? Some people will say they are looking for more, to get laid. Also.. if he's having parties and getting laid the same night.. he's still doing that despite how he is sober. And you said he parties a lot. To me it sounds like he's more interested in getting laid. That being said, is it kosher that I still see and sleep with other people? I'm not interested in asking him "where this is going" or any junk like that. It's only been a week, and I just got out of a 3 year long relationship, so I'm in no rush to solidify anything. I'm just wondering what the standard assumption would be based on the details. While I think it's fine to see other people. I don't agree it's cool to sleep be sleeping with more then one person, and those other people don't know about it. Even if the guy wears a condom, it doesn't protect 100%. HPV and HSV can be transferred by areas not covered by the condom. And HSV 1 and 2 can both be transferred by oral sex. I think a person has the right to know if you're sleeping around.
Author TaleSpin Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 How do people use facebook to meet new people? Mutual friends? Yeah, he was my suggested friend on Facebook and MySpace. We have at least a dozen mutual friends, and we went to the same high school. Some of my really good friends used to be his roommates, and they didn't have anything bad to say about him aside from some stories about his crazy drunk antics, which are mostly just funny. My town is fairly small, so everyone is connected to everyone else. Some people will say they are looking for more, to get laid. Also.. if he's having parties and getting laid the same night.. he's still doing that despite how he is sober. And you said he parties a lot. To me it sounds like he's more interested in getting laid. I thought that the nice guy stuff was just a ploy to get laid pretty soon after I saw the match.com profile because I'm naturally pretty cynical about such things. Which is why I never mentioned to him that I saw it. It's just that I feel like someone would have warned me if he was that much of a douche, and I don't think my friends would be friends with him if he was like that. While I think it's fine to see other people. I don't agree it's cool to sleep be sleeping with more then one person, and those other people don't know about it. Even if the guy wears a condom, it doesn't protect 100%. HPV and HSV can be transferred by areas not covered by the condom. And HSV 1 and 2 can both be transferred by oral sex. I think a person has the right to know if you're sleeping around. I don't have a problem with sleeping with more than one person at a time. I get tested every 6 months. I ask my partners if they've been tested. I know there's still some risk involved, but I'm usually not sleeping with complete strangers or, at the least, with people I don't have at least some trust in. Anyway, the person I was considering sleeping with was my ex, and that's out of the question now. I have to pick up the rest of my stuff from his place still, and he's been begging me to come stay a couple nights when I do. But... I went on Facebook earlier today and, flipping through a friend's Halloween pictures, I saw a picture of my ex groping and licking the face of my scantily-clad 18-year-old friend. So, to hell with him... and her.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Anyway, the person I was considering sleeping with was my ex, and that's out of the question now. I have to pick up the rest of my stuff from his place still, and he's been begging me to come stay a couple nights when I do. But... I went on Facebook earlier today and, flipping through a friend's Halloween pictures, I saw a picture of my ex groping and licking the face of my scantily-clad 18-year-old friend. So, to hell with him... and her. Now this sounds like classy digs.
dreamergrl Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I don't have a problem with sleeping with more than one person at a time. I get tested every 6 months. It can take up to four months to show up in your blood. If you are sleeping with multiple people, and not waiting to get tested before you sleep with someone else you can be transferring something on. Maybe you don't have a problem with that... but don't you think those you are instilling that risk on might? Shouldn't they have a right to decide for themselves? I ask my partners if they've been tested. I know there's still some risk involved, And asking that does little if they have not waited as well. Plus you are assuming they are being honest. but I'm usually not sleeping with complete strangers or, at the least, with people I don't have at least some trust in. You slept with a guy when you met up with him after a week of texting and being on facebook who has a list of "How to get laid" on his fridge. Anyway, the person I was considering sleeping with was my ex, and that's out of the question now. I have to pick up the rest of my stuff from his place still, and he's been begging me to come stay a couple nights when I do. But... I went on Facebook earlier today and, flipping through a friend's Halloween pictures, I saw a picture of my ex groping and licking the face of my scantily-clad 18-year-old friend. So, to hell with him... and her. Sounds like your friends might not tell you when someone is a douche bag huh? Again, I don't think it's right to be sleeping with multiple people when they don't know you are sleeping with someone else.
pandagirl Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Again, I don't think it's right to be sleeping with multiple people when they don't know you are sleeping with someone else. Ditto. I would not be okay with it if the person I was dating was sleeping with someone else. I was on the other side of this recently and thank goodness I wasn't sleeping with him. In fact, I had to ask him if he was sleeping with anyone two months into dating him to find out that he indeed was. Needless to say, things pretty much ended at that point. To each their own, but I just don't think it's very respectful to not disclose this kind of information. It's technically not "lying," but it is pretty deceitful.
Author TaleSpin Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 It can take up to four months to show up in your blood. If you are sleeping with multiple people, and not waiting to get tested before you sleep with someone else you can be transferring something on. Maybe you don't have a problem with that... but don't you think those you are instilling that risk on might? Shouldn't they have a right to decide for themselves? And asking that does little if they have not waited as well. Plus you are assuming they are being honest. Wait. So, I should be waiting four months after I sleep with someone to get tested and sleep with another person? Somehow, I don't think I'm the only person who has sex more than once every four months. I'm not exactly a prude and no one I'm interested in is either, so I think it's pretty much assumed that everyone involved has had sex within four months (!!!). That's a long time. I'm just gonna stick with taking the normal precautions that normal people take. You slept with a guy when you met up with him after a week of texting and being on facebook who has a list of "How to get laid" on his fridge. 5 weeks, but whatever. I like him. Sounds like your friends might not tell you when someone is a douche bag huh? My ex and I didn't have mutual friends to begin with. I just moved from the city back to my hometown 3 and half weeks ago. He lives in the city. But regardless, he's still not that much of a douche. To each their own, but I just don't think it's very respectful to not disclose this kind of information. It's technically not "lying," but it is pretty deceitful. In the world of casual dating and hooking up, I'm pretty sure people don't generally disclose this information. It's just assumed. I was really interested in this subject from a the prospective of what to do regarding a possible exclusive relationship down the line rather than how not to be a slut and spread diseases according to people that don't have sex. Just sayin'.
dreamergrl Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Wait. So, I should be waiting four months after I sleep with someone to get tested and sleep with another person? Somehow, I don't think I'm the only person who has sex more than once every four months. I'm not exactly a prude and no one I'm interested in is either, so I think it's pretty much assumed that everyone involved has had sex within four months (!!!). That's a long time. I didn't say have sex once then wait four months. I said after the last person you slept with. And if everyone person you are sleeping with is sleeping with other people... you have a great risk. Hence, why I think it's important to disclose if you're sleeping with multiple people. If you're mature enough to be having sex, you should be mature enough to let a person know. Some people rather reduce the risk. I'm just gonna stick with taking the normal precautions that normal people take. What's normal to you may not be normal to others. My ex and I didn't have mutual friends to begin with. I just moved from the city back to my hometown 3 and half weeks ago. He lives in the city. But regardless, he's still not that much of a douche. Apparently if he's licking your friends face you got a mutual person involved. In the world of casual dating and hooking up, I'm pretty sure people don't generally disclose this information. It's just assumed. I don't think it's just assumed the other person is okay with the one they are sleeping with is sleeping around. I was really interested in this subject from a the prospective of what to do regarding a possible exclusive relationship down the line rather than how not to be a slut and spread diseases according to people that don't have sex. Just sayin'. Where does it say I don't have sex? Plus, you are the one who brought up hooking up with other people. I only went off with what you posted.
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