Rudderless Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 I guess I've always thought of it as, "I want kids, and I will have them regardless of my relationship status" Do these kids get any consideration in this decision?
Author pandagirl Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 Do these kids get any consideration in this decision? I think if you really, really want kids, you will find a way to make it work.
justforfun Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I think if you really, really want kids, you will find a way to make it work. I can't speak. I'll leave it to you Rudderless.
Rudderless Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I think if you really, really want kids, you will find a way to make it work. So if I can understand and appreciate your view how come you can't understand mine? I don't find it weird to be maternal because it's biological. What's so weird about exercising caution when it comes to making a decision about bringing a life into this world? Have you seen how many bad parents there are who jump feet first without thinking about the level of responsibility involved?
boogieboy Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I think if you really, really want kids, you will find a way to make it work. If you are so hell bent on having children, and nothing deters from that - especially maybees, why are you even worried about anyone who isnt a "yes"?
samspade Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I know I'm a "maybe" for children. I don't want them now, but if I have them, the mother will have to be a combination of smart, smoking hot, and fun, and a good potential mother...not an common find.
threebyfate Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Online dating appears to be, as SS_C mentions, putting your best foot forward. If your best foot is an ambiguous statement about an intensely important future life goal, it pretty much says that you're giving yourself a loophole. Be careful of men like this.
Lizzie60 Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I don't think people in general put that much effort in filling a 'dating profile' ... really. Plus you can't say, (especially with young men) if they'll change their mind eventually.. For a man 40+ .. a 'maybe' could be just so he gets some responses,...
Skump Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Hmmm. Let's imagine such a response in some other comparably important relationship areas... Emotional Intimacy: Maybe An Active Sex Life: Maybe Marital Commitment: Maybe Have A Clear Idea What I Want Out of Life: Maybe I think maybe... you should keep looking, if you really want kids.
ADF Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 So, if a man's dating profile says he "Maybe" wants children, and he is age 30-40, does that really mean he DOESN'T want children? I think saying, "No" would be a deterrent for a lot of women. I think you've pretty much nailed it. At 30, it is possible a man may not be sure. But if he is still says he's unsure by 40, chances are he doesn't really want kids. And yes, men are reluctant to say that because they believe--rightly or wrongly--that nearly all women want kids.
alphamale Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 So, if a man's dating profile says he "Maybe" wants children, and he is age 30-40, does that really mean he DOESN'T want children? for a man who is closer to 30 i would say maybe = mayble. for a man closer to 40 i would say maybe = no.
Lizzie60 Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 for a man who is closer to 30 i would say maybe = mayble. for a man closer to 40 i would say maybe = no. is this a mix of maybe and probable..
alphamale Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 is this a mix of maybe and probable.. no, its a typo...please look at my avatar for a minute. thanx
Lizzie60 Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 no, its a typo...please look at my avatar for a minute. thanx I did... now what?
sumdude Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 41, divorced with no kids. For me saying maybe is a way of not putting the cart before the horse. Until there's a solid relationship in my life where I would feel right about bringing up a child. Otherwise I'm not going to try to make something work just so I could be a father. That relationship may or may not appear in my life.. thus maybe. Kind of a strange rationalization but it's what maybe might mean.
Rudderless Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 41, divorced with no kids. For me saying maybe is a way of not putting the cart before the horse. Until there's a solid relationship in my life where I would feel right about bringing up a child. Otherwise I'm not going to try to make something work just so I could be a father. That relationship may or may not appear in my life.. thus maybe. Kind of a strange rationalization but it's what maybe might mean. That's a good way of putting it. Seeing a child as the icing on top of the cake. I think making having a child your priority affects the way you look at a relationship & I don't like having cloudy judgement
Author pandagirl Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 Online dating appears to be, as SS_C mentions, putting your best foot forward. If your best foot is an ambiguous statement about an intensely important future life goal, it pretty much says that you're giving yourself a loophole. Be careful of men like this. Hmmm. Let's imagine such a response in some other comparably important relationship areas... Emotional Intimacy: Maybe An Active Sex Life: Maybe Marital Commitment: Maybe Have A Clear Idea What I Want Out of Life: Maybe I think maybe... you should keep looking, if you really want kids. This is more the point I was trying to get across initially -- that you shouldn't be a "maybe" about a very important life decision!
Rudderless Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 (edited) This is more the point I was trying to get across initially -- that you shouldn't be a "maybe" about a very important life decision! But it's not an important life decision until you're actually in a position to make that decision. It's a bit pre-emptive to say it's a life changing decision when you haven't yet met someone you want a relationship with. If the question was reworded to "ideally, would you like to have children if you were in a healthy happy relationship and it was practically possible" you might see a difference between that and a simple two word question "Want kids?". This is another reason I just wouldn't online date, we have people suggesting you should judge someone's character on the answer to an ambiguous question. Frankly, it deserves an ambiguous answer. Oh and edit I forgot to add the practically possible thing implies that you're ok dating someone that doesn't want them because the relationship is your key priority rather than finding someone to have kids with. Hence you're not ruling people out that don't want children. Edited November 4, 2009 by Rudderless
Rudderless Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Hmmm. Let's imagine such a response in some other comparably important relationship areas... Emotional Intimacy: Maybe An Active Sex Life: Maybe Marital Commitment: Maybe Have A Clear Idea What I Want Out of Life: Maybe I think maybe... you should keep looking, if you really want kids. Emotional Intimacy: Yes An Active Sex Life: Yes Want Kids : Ideally. But it's not a deal breaker for me - but you don't have that answer so I'll put maybe Want to be seen by your partner primarily as a baby making function and get booted off into the stratosphere if for any reason I don't live up to my baby making responsibilities? : no Marital Commitment: See want kids answer Want someone that is close minded in their understanding of other people ? : Definitely not - very unattractive Have A Clear Idea What I Want Out of Life: For sure -------------- So here's an online dating questionnaire you might like to answer in the same spirit you wrote yours Want kids? : Emotional Intimacy?: An Active Sex Life?: Marital Commitment?: Do you consider that you can resolve issues of emotional intimacy should they arise in your relationship? Do you consider that you can resolve sexual issues should they arise in your relationship? Do you consider the piece of paper certifying marital commitment a guarantee of a happy stable relationship? Would you dump your partner if you find out they are unable to give you children if you're married to them? : Do you prioritise having children over having an emotionally intimate, sexually active lifelong partner? : Are you sure you have a clear idea about what you want out of life?:
BCCA Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I think maybe is actually a fair enough answer. If I found the right woman, things moved along nicely, and we fell in love and got married, sure, I might be interested in having children. I would also be ok if we just never had them, but lived happily ever after, or if I never got married at all. But I cant tell you on date #2 if I would have children with YOU, and I certainly couldnt tell every woman out there that I'll be a daddy with whoever. Even if it says 'yes, definitely' wants children, people can change their mind, or once again - just not feel like having children with you. I think there is too much emphasis being put on answers to a stupid dating questionaire, when in reality, people probably answer so as to make themselves 'marketable' to as many people of the opposite sex as possible.
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