pandagirl Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 So, if a man's dating profile says he "Maybe" wants children, and he is age 30-40, does that really mean he DOESN'T want children? I think saying, "No" would be a deterrent for a lot of women.
aerogurl87 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 It might that he really wants children, MAYBE. I don't know how most people's brains work, but when I was in the maybe stage about kids, it went basically like this. If I found a guy I thought would make a great husband and father, then I'd have kids. If I found a guy who'd make a great husband and not so great of a father, I wouldn't have kids with him. Some people make great life partners, but not always the greatest parents.
Author pandagirl Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 It might that he really wants children, MAYBE. I don't know how most people's brains work, but when I was in the maybe stage about kids, it went basically like this. If I found a guy I thought would make a great husband and father, then I'd have kids. If I found a guy who'd make a great husband and not so great of a father, I wouldn't have kids with him. Some people make great life partners, but not always the greatest parents. So, finding the right guy was more important to you than having kids? Is that what you're saying? I just find it weird to be an adult and be undecided about a subject like kids. Like, you MAYBE want kids? I guess I just don't get that.
aerogurl87 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Yeah, well I never really cared if I had kids or not so it has always been more important for me to just find a guy who would make a great husband first and foremost. If he'd make a great dad then that's just the icing on top, if not, then it's not like I'd be too bummed about the situation. Now I don't want kids so I really don't care how his parenting skills would be since I don't plan on having any children anyway.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 That tells me he's indecisive and doesn't know what he wants. It's like writing do you want to get married? and answering " maybe".
Art_Critic Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Maybe is for when a guy is almost too old for kids, even if he already has some but he wants them and doesn't want to seem desperate or that kids is really what he is after.. Same exact thing for women.. It also can mean Yes but with an explanation or even a determination of drama level if the woman has kids already.. Other than that.. we would all have to be mind readers...
Author pandagirl Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 Haha. To me "maybe" says, "I don't really want them, but if I say 'no' no chick will want to date me."
xXMarlboro_ManXx Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Maybe he does maybe he doesn't:) If you are considering this guy try to get to know him first and ask for his real opinion about kids.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 In my opinion, I think it's simple and easy for anyone to write straightforwardly in words if they can't speak what's on their mind. It's only if they decide to do another 180 by being ambiguous even online that you know you don't want to bother with them.
Author pandagirl Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 In my opinion, I think it's simple and easy for anyone to write straightforwardly in words if they can't speak what's on their mind. It's only if they decide to do another 180 by being ambiguous even online that you know you don't want to bother with them. I guess for me, unless you are very young, having kids is something you should know you want or don't when you are in your 30s or 40s. I know others will dispute me on this, but at this age, I want to date someone who knows what they want out of life.
kahn2154 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I always interpreted it as I probably want kids down the future but not right now.
Pink Cupcakes Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I don't think they should ask that question on dating sites because of this exact quandry. People take it too seriously and they haven't even gone out on a date yet.
Sith Apprentice Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 So, if a man's dating profile says he "Maybe" wants children, and he is age 30-40, does that really mean he DOESN'T want children? I think saying, "No" would be a deterrent for a lot of women. If saying so gets me into your pants that much quicker, sure, I eventually want to have a whole mess of kids. You are on the pill though, right?
justforfun Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I guess for me, unless you are very young, having kids is something you should know you want or don't when you are in your 30s or 40s. I know others will dispute me on this, but at this age, I want to date someone who knows what they want out of life. So, you want to date someone who already has an agenda? How about those who would consider having kids if the right person came along? I have a teenage child but there was an age (in my early to mid 30's) where I would have said maybe. I already had a child but I was open to having more if I met someone I would like to have more children with. I'm 40 now and have decided that I won't be having anymore children. But I could still be undecided for the same reasons as I used to be.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 After the experience with my most recent xbf and the "maybe" for wanting kids...I would pass by that profile in a hot second. I'm getting too old for that nonsense. Either you do or don't. But my mom made a good point - in order to raise children, you have to want them more than life itself. And I'd rather find a partner that is just as passionate about the idea of having children as I am. None of this "maybe" garbage.
justforfun Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 (edited) After the experience with my most recent xbf and the "maybe" for wanting kids...I would pass by that profile in a hot second. I'm getting too old for that nonsense. Either you do or don't. But my mom made a good point - in order to raise children, you have to want them more than life itself. And I'd rather find a partner that is just as passionate about the idea of having children as I am. None of this "maybe" garbage. So what about me? I was a maybe for about 10 years. I was happy with the child I have. But if I met the right person I would have had more children. But if we didn't it wouldn't have been the end of the world if I didn't. If you already have children then I think maybe would be an even more likely answer. They could have an 'open to the idea if I found the right person' option I suppose. ps I don't agree with your Mom. That wasn't me and I love my child just as much as anyone else loves theirs. I would do anything for him. I would die for him in a heartbeat. He is my world. Edited November 2, 2009 by justforfun
Author pandagirl Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 I find it interesting that many people say having a child depends on meeting the right person, which is why perhaps people say they "maybe" want children. I guess I've always thought of it as, "I want kids, and I will have them regardless of my relationship status"
Sam Spade Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 But my mom made a good point - in order to raise children, you have to want them more than life itself. . that is true, but this never happens until you actually have them! (Let's be honest here - who does wholeheardetly want to bring screaming little monsters in their life ?)
flc Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I put 'maybe' in my profile because I am divorced and have 2 kids. In general I don't feel that I want more children but if I met someone I really loved and she wanted a child I would certainly be open to that.
tfkizzle Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 So, if a man's dating profile says he "Maybe" wants children, and he is age 30-40, does that really mean he DOESN'T want children? I think saying, "No" would be a deterrent for a lot of women. I'm sure that there are men out there who think that way. However, hopefully not many men do, since they'd only be wasting their time by trying to "trick" women the way you're implying. Maybe means maybe. I'm undecided on if I want kids. If I signed up for a dating profile (or someone asked me IRL) and "undecided" wasn't an option, I would choose "maybe" as the next best and most honest answer.
tfkizzle Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 So, finding the right guy was more important to you than having kids? Is that what you're saying? I just find it weird to be an adult and be undecided about a subject like kids. Like, you MAYBE want kids? I guess I just don't get that. Haha. To me "maybe" says, "I don't really want them, but if I say 'no' no chick will want to date me." I guess for me, unless you are very young, having kids is something you should know you want or don't when you are in your 30s or 40s. I know others will dispute me on this, but at this age, I want to date someone who knows what they want out of life. I find it interesting that many people say having a child depends on meeting the right person, which is why perhaps people say they "maybe" want children. I guess I've always thought of it as, "I want kids, and I will have them regardless of my relationship status" OK great, so it's been established that you think differently than everyone who says "maybe" they want kids, that you disagree with their mindset, don't understand it, as well as everyone in this thread who has explained what maybe means. So just don't date those people. They don't have to justify themselves to you. It takes all kinds ya know?
justforfun Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 OK great, so it's been established that you think differently than everyone who says "maybe" they want kids, that you disagree with their mindset, don't understand it, as well as everyone in this thread who has explained what maybe means. So just don't date those people. They don't have to justify themselves to you. It takes all kinds ya know? Well said!
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 So what about me? I was a maybe for about 10 years. I was happy with the child I have. But if I met the right person I would have had more children. But if we didn't it wouldn't have been the end of the world if I didn't. So you already had a kid and were a "maybe?" That's diff, IMO. You already know what's involved with having kids and I actually wouldn't hold it against you at all for not wanting more. For me, I actually would be quite content with 1. LOL So while I'd LOVE to have kids, I don't need an entire basketball team. I think being a "maybe" about kids IRL is a little diff than being one online. Because if you get to know somebody IRL, dynamics can change. OD (online dating) just gives you a snapshot of a person kind of like a resume and you have to put your absolute best foot forward first. It can be unfair and biased at times, but those are just the risks you run. Like I said - it's based on my last OD experience where I started dating the "maybe" guy and he finally told me he had lied - he doesn't want kids at all, but when he put "no," his options were limited. that is true, but this never happens until you actually have them! (Let's be honest here - who does wholeheardetly want to bring screaming little monsters in their life ?) I think I must have some kind of mental illness, then - because I read a poem once about little kids barfing up kool-aid and hotdogs at 3 in the morning and it made me want to be a mom so bad. LMAO Yes, I admit I'm sick. I get what you're saying, though. LOL
justforfun Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 So you already had a kid and were a "maybe?" That's diff, IMO. You already know what's involved with having kids and I actually wouldn't hold it against you at all for not wanting more. Thank you. I think being a "maybe" about kids IRL is a little diff than being one online. How is that? Because if you get to know somebody IRL, dynamics can change. OD (online dating) just gives you a snapshot of a person kind of like a resume and you have to put your absolute best foot forward first. It can be unfair and biased at times, but those are just the risks you run. Not sure what you mean. Like I said - it's based on my last OD experience where I started dating the "maybe" guy and he finally told me he had lied - he doesn't want kids at all, but when he put "no," his options were limited. So he lied? People do.
Rudderless Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Some real knee-jerk and quite judgemental reactions on this thread. Even though I don't do on-line dating I would put "maybe" - I have a lot of commitments right now, and if I meet someone special that I'm convinced it's a good idea that we can work well together and raise children then I'm open to the idea. However the maybe also says, I'm not going to date you just so I can decide whether we'll make babies because it's not the sole ambition in my life, so don't even go there.
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