Author Alpha Female Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 I know that you feel anger ... I think all of us OW have felt it at one time or another. I do wonder though, that you state he cheated on his first wife with his now wife. I worry about that. And now he's cheating with you. Yes, I do think that some of the MM that we are with do care for their wives, and no not all BS are bad (even if the MM tell us they are). They do have something lacking in their marriage, but I do truly wonder if they will ever choose the OW. I know on here that some have, but sometimes it's hard to be patient, kind and understanding while they string us along .... Yes, he was married for three years to the first. Wanted out, met #2, cheated, spent the night with her, came home the next day and wife #1 had moved everything out and filed. Efficient she was! He seems to cheat to end relationships, exit affair kind of guy, not the type who wants to keep an affair in the middle of an otherwise happy M. Not an excuse, just an explanation. My MM readily admits he lacks the courage to leave. End of story. I was a little happy to get his text this morning, as I felt it showed he was still thinking of him, but I also happily deleted it. As a recent OW, my advice to ANY OW who wants her MM to leave for her, is to set a deadline for him to do so, and if he doesn't, then she needs to move on. If a man truly loves a woman, he WILL move heaven and earth to be with her. No excuses of an expensive divorce, or kids, or any of it. Doing so will either bring the OW what she desires, or give her closure. My MM actually never really trashed his W to me. He never criticized her. He just said that when they met, they have tons of common interests, and his hadn't changed, and hers had, and they therefore had drifted apart. Even though she would try to re-engage him in her interests. I do believe she has tried, and I do believe he tried, to a lesser degree. But he never said she was a bad Mother, or lousy cook, or crappy in bed, etc. He did mention she had let herself go physically, which she had, but even that wasn't an overwhelming negative to him. He did say a few times she would be a little bitchy from time to time, but so could I be - lol. So, I dont think it is an unbearable M, just a loveless and passionless one.
ladydesigner Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I would be thankful for your sake that he is out of the picture. Even if he did leave his wife for you he might do the same thing to you once the "newness" of the relationship wears off. You don't need that. He is a serial cheater through and through. Good riddens to him, find yourself a real man (((Alpha Female))) I swear these men are dogs... some women too. Hell even my own husband is one of them he's a serial cheater, still won't admit it. I have been a BS and a MOW so I understand all sides of this triangle. It sucks it really does and the hurt involved is as bad as anything I have ever felt. I know your pain all too well. Keep NC it is the best way to go in these situations.
doe111 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 ok sorry but i am going to have to give him some credit, my xmm did not even have the balls to tell me that, i have not had closure i got zero. So at least if anything he told you he is torn and he is affraid and he is well for lack of a better word he is telling you he is a coward, at least you have a reason (sort of) not a great one that is for sure, as my xmm told me on a Wednesday he loved me more that anything in this world and on the Thursday not even 24hrs after the I love you I got the "dear john letter" and all it said was "i am sorry i am not 100 percent committed to this relationship I know you will be mad oh and dont contact me as i have nothing more to say and think of the good times" and signed it "always in my heart" so I guess my point is that at least he is admitting he is a coward, and trust me I know that does not make it any easier and my advise is to keep posting as we are all here for you and hang in there you will make it through all this Doe111
DiDi123 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Hi Alpha, Stay strong. Kudos for not responding to his text wishing you a good trip. I get the feeling something is not right with my situation either- I haven't heard from him since THursday night. I am not, and will not call him or contact him in any way, shape or form. I am bracing myself for him to break it off when he returns from Florida. If by some chance he has some magical revelation and decides he can't live without me AND tells his wife he wants a divorce AND proceeds to see an attorney AND FILE - THEN and only then will I continue- but on guard and on my tippy toes. Now that I have recovered enough from my surgery I am not home dwelling on my situation and am driving, going to work and am going to make sure I am a lot busier than I was. I think he knows that I will leave if he doesn't make a move and I think this "not calling me for days" thing going on means he is really very much aware of the seriousness of what he is doing, and what he has done. And he's thinking pretty hard about what he is going to do. But I have learned from LS that WE as the OW have to make the hard choice. Hang in there- and smile. Do whatever you need to do to cope. ♥♥♥♥♥((hugs))♥♥♥♥♥
Author Alpha Female Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 LADY - yes, I know your right. The more I can distance myself from him, the more my love feelings will dissipate, and they are replaced with realizing what you wrote. Thanks. DOE - yes, I am lucky he was honest about being weak. What it really comes down to with my MM is that his self-esteem is so pathetically low that he doesnt try at anything in his life. Whether work or even getting out of a bad marriage. He told me I can do better than him and that he doesnt deserve me, and hes right. DIDI - he texted me again this morning. This time I had to respond, because it was a question that involved him working with my parents, and he wanted to know if I canceled it, or if he should. I just wrote back "yep" and he wrote back "thank you". I know he's fishing. I know he's trying to see if he can try and re-engage me and see how mad/upset I am. I almost wrote back to please leave me alone, but I didnt want to even show him that much concern. Trust your gut, Didi. You feel something is off, as I felt something was off. When they change behavior so suddenly it does often mean something bad is in the works. I think in time you will realize, as I am, that we can do a lot better than these loser cheats.
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