My best friend had a baby and now it's like we're not even FRIENDS!! :(

[LillianB321]

I am in college and my best friend and roomate, Sarah, just had a baby. I was real excited when we found out she was pregnant, but now that she had the baby, it's like we aren't friends anymore. She moved out of the dorm, which I can understand, but when I try to call her, she acts like she doesn't wanna talk. And she never calls me anymore. We used to be best friends. Almost like sisters! We were so close, and her friendship meant so much to me and still does. I don't want us to drift apart. I know that her life has changed a lot, but I thought that our friendship meant a lot to her too. I would love to be in her life and her baby's life also. Can anyone give me some words of wisdom about this? It's really stressing me out.

Thanks

[BabyGirl]

Being a new mother is very time consuming...and stressful. She may be getting by on very little sleep. Call her and offer to sit with the baby while she takes a long hot bath...or runs some errands. She probably doesn't realize you feel this way....she is very busy with baby.

[amerikajin]

Things change once people begin to take on the responsibilities of marriage and parenthood. Life gets in the way. It doesn't mean they don't think about you; it just means they don't have as much time to invest in the friendship. Try to be understanding.

[Arabess]

Lillian,

I had a friend who did the same thing some years ago. She was suffering from a terrible post-partum depression and shut everyone out. Then, after the baby was 3 months old....she committed suicide. To make it worse....her Mom had done the same thing when she was a baby.

 

I'm not at all indicating your friend is at some serious depression stage. She very well may be quite busy with the baby. However, if you love her and care for her....why don't you go visit and check on her. Also, ask some of her other friends and family, if you know them, if she is doing the same thing with them.

 

Also, is she living with the father of the baby? It's possible he doesn't want her having 'single' friends.

[ziggue]

I think the reason she acts like she doesn't want to talk to you on the phone is because the baby might be demanding her attention.

 

It's like that when I talk to a couple of my friends that have kids. They are either screaming at their kids on the phone or the kid is all winy and winchy because they are bored and not getting the attention they are used to getting when their mum is off the phone.

 

You should just ring her up and tell her you are coming over. Your visit could brighten her up a bit. If she is feeling overwhelmed or stressed.

 

I agree with Babygirl she probably doesn't relize you are feeling this way.

 

My friends tell me having a baby is nothing like you thought it would be. You don't relize what it's like till you actually go through it.

[toots307]

My best friend had a baby in July and I've only seen her once since then. We didn't get together over Christmas - something we normally do. I just give her the space she needs right now - when we have talked she tells me that being a mother is much more time consuming than she ever imagined - the day I visted her was the first day she'd gotten out of her pyjamas. She is constantly doing laundry and for the first few months the baby didn't sleep regularly so she basically had to sleep when he slept - she would be up most of the night most of the time.

 

Make sure your friend knows you are there for her but just realize that she has someone that DEPENDS on her now - she has to be there for that baby and everyone else comes second. I'm sure she'd love a visit from you and I'm sure eventually when everyone gets into a routine, she'll have a bit more time for you.