hellopack Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Hello there, I have been reading the various posts for a while now and they have been really helpful. I can identify with all the various stages everyone is going through but I am a little lost and would appreciate any advice. Pease bear with me, it is quite a long story. Me and my GF broke up around 4 months ago after nearly 7 yrs. We met at uni and she was completly bessotted with me. She was my 1st long term gf. After about 5 weeks we told each other we loved one another and after 7 weeks she told me that she was going to marry me one day which felt amazing. Everyone used to tell us we were such a great couple and in a way I know it is bad but I used to think how much better my life was than my single friends. I had a great girlfirend in a great relationship and I knew that we would be together forever so didnt have to go through the hassles they did. All through uni I was the hard worker in our relationship. I had always been focused on my career and what I wanted to do in the future. Over time she was influenced by me. In out final year of uni, I got onto a graduate scheme in the town we were at uni. She wasnt too sure what she wanted to do so decieded she wanted to go travelling. I was fine with this as we both respected each other decisions. She went off for 5 months and when she returned managed to get on a teach training course in the Midlands. This fitted in well as I was from the midlands and all my best friends and family were there. I was working just outside london and her family were from down south. After her course she got a permanent job in the midlands and it was our plan for me to move up, however due to the recession I found it difficult getting a move. At first she would happily come down and visit me, however over time she started to say no, saying we would have a much better time if I came and saw her. She made a load of new friends and would often go out with them without me. I had no problem with this as I was keen for her to make friends up here and also completly trusted her. We both had a really low opinion of cheaters and we had what I thought was a really strong relationship. Over the summer I had to work for a week in the midlands. She had spent the weekend going off on a camping trip with her new group of friends, I asked to come but she said no which I was a little miffed about, but I hated camping anyway so didnt mind. We agreed to go to the pub on the sunday night. When we got to her house, her flat mate was moaning about something and I got a littled pissed off as I thought it would just be the two of us going to the pub but it turned out she had invited all her new friends aswell. I had to leave early and things were a little awkward when I left but we agreed to see each other in the week. During the week I tried to arange something but got annoyed as she was seeing her new friends 3 times during the week and seemed to be avoiding me. I text her saying I was unhappy and she turned round and said sorry she had things going on in her head and needed some space to think, she told me she would see me on the saturday. I was in complete shock, I immediatly left work and raced round to her house to try and talk to her but she refused to talk to me. Saturday came round and we met up, she told me that it was over, no explanations other than she had made her mind up that was that. She said spending 7yrs in a relationship was no reason to carry on. I was completly gutted! I couldnt stop thinking about it and kept asking myself where it went wrong. I stopped eating, starting smoking loads and generally stopped looking after myself. All of my friends couldnt understand why she ended it. I even spoke to her parents and some of her other best friends who also couldnt understand what she was doing. Going slightly mad, I decided to look through her emails. We both knew each others passwords and she wold regularly read my text messages. When I looked through I found 3 mails to another guy who I recognised as one of her new friends but looking back she never mentioned him. One email was simply a picture of the two of them from the camping weekend loking very cosy. She had sent it to him and said, 'here is the picture of us you wanted x'. I saw all the pics of that weekend of facebook but she didnt put this one up. The second email to him was arranging to go to the theatre in November and also asking him to join up at the pub. However she wrote, 'just so your aware my boyfriend will be joining us'. The third email was sent three days after we split up. It was a hotel confirmation for the 2 of them to go to london for the following weekend although it did have single beds. I told a few of my mates about theemails who just told me to leave it and if anything was going on it would soon come out. Anyway a few weeks ago, I start seeing more comments by this guy on her facebook page and also I saw that he became friends with her sister. I went through the NC period for 3 months but then had to pick up some stuff from my ex a few weeks back. The whole thing really hit me and I became really upset. After a week I suddenly became much better and started to think to myself I am fed up of thinking about the whole break up. I contemplated calling her to tell her what a stupid mistake she had made and I knew about the emails but then just kepting thinking to myself, I really cant be bothered and that I will let her go ahead an make her mistake. I managed to get myself a brilliant new job in London and was really looking forward to starting a new life for myself and also the chance of meeting someone new. Anyway today, she text me to tell me to check my emails (throughout the whole breakup she was always to guttless to talk to me face to face or over the phone). In this email she told me she has started to see this new guy and she wanted me to find out from her rather than someone else (as if it made any difference). It started to churn everything up for me again and I feel that she is just rubbing it in my face. I know that I could never ever get back with her and hope that one day she will realise her mistake, but in the meatime, the whole thing really upsets me. I feel really stupid that she has dumpled me for someone else and am pretty sure she was cheating on me. I am just worried that I will never meet anyone ever again, and am also wondering whether I should reply to her saying I had seen these emails. I had also considered telling her parents as I know they really liked me (her dad hated most of her ex's) telling them what she has done. I think they would be really dissappointed with her and that would really hurt her and it would also mess up the chance of her parents liking her new bf. I really dont know what to do now, any advice would be appreciated!
McGrupp Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 i just got out of a 3.5 yr relationship. my situation was very similiar but i didnt check her emails. one day she just became distant and then said it was over. anyway, i wouldnt tell her parents. i wouldnt do anything. if she realizes her mistake she will come back. if not then she wont. she cant say or do anything to change her mind. sucks dude.
LostInLA Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Wow..sorry to hear this! My opinion is just take the high road, don't have any contact with her and leave her be. Don't contact her friends or family. This will only make you look bad. Be the good guy in this, be the mature one. Don't tell her what you know and don't tell her off. You are only going to feel like crap afterwards, trust me, I did this and regretted it soon after.
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