LucreziaBorgia Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I'm struggling with this. I've gone on it and broken it several times now. This last time I want to, but I find myself thinking... 'what if I block his email, and he changed his mind and was trying to tell me that he wants to be with me and I missed my chance by blocking his email'? And I find it impossible to block his email even though I know 100% that it will never, ever happen. I know that if he wanted me badly enough, nothing would stop him from being with me. Anyone else have 'magical thoughts' like that one? I guess I just want to know I'm not the only one who knows what is up logically but has illogical reasons for not doing the deed.
melodymatters Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Well, in my mind NC means just what the initials stand for : No contact, meaning I personally will not make contact. This does NOT mean I will change phone numbers, or even bother to figure out how to block someone on any way of transmission. Note : I've never been in a NC situation personally and might be completely off base. But I think if you don't contact them, that doesn't neccesarily mean you block all ways for them to contact you ?
melodymatters Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I'm sorry LB, I also realized that I didn't answer your question at all. No, I no longer subscribe to magical thinking, but then again, I no longer subscribe to life much anymore either. You are way stronger than me, with your will to live, love and move on.
Metal_Muffin Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I try to be realistic and get used to the idea that he doesnt want to be with me anymore...but then i have these stupid dreams where we end up together...so deep down im hanging onto it lol. I wouldnt change my email or anything...im moving house after xmas and im scared cause he wont know where i am lol...which is stupid cause he will still have my number!! I do know what you mean.....
WTRanger Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I think its part of holding on to a slice of hope. Hope always is the last to go, and if someone really meant that much to us then maybe sometimes we pack a bit of hope away for the future. So I think really there isn't much wrong with "magical thinking" as long as you temper it with a good dose of reality. Hope is what keeps us alive.
PinkToes Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 And I find it impossible to block his email even though I know 100% that it will never, ever happen. Out of curiosity, how do you know this to be true? And I agree that the important thing is not breaking contact. The other piece -- deleting and blocking everything -- doesn't seem necessary unless they're contacting you and it's not welcome, or if it makes it more difficult to maintain NC on your end.
motive2002 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Magical thinking ends when you no longer care and have finally, truly moved on. You're not the only one who has had those thoughts, but like you said, if they really wanted to be with you, nothing would stop them. It's sad to think that absolutely minimal to no effort is being made on the other end, but at some point you will accept it.
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 Out of curiosity, how do you know this to be true? His brand of brutal honesty, more or less.
PinkToes Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 So do you think you would you take him back?
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 Like a crackhead would take back crack. That is why I know I need to let go. He is horrible, and horrible for me.
PinkToes Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 So you've got your feet under you, and maybe the magical thinking is just a nice daydream. But yeah, I've done it too.
AliveAndKicking Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I have had that EXACT same thought many times. Don't over-think it. You'll wear youself out! Keep on keeping on and if you must fantasize (and who doesn't?) then set a limit on it: Allow yourself 5 minutes of magical thinking per day for instance. You'll quickly recognize how useless it is and will no longer entertain those sort of thoughts as often if at all. This suggestion, while it might sound absurd on it's face, worked for me! Give it a try and if it doesn't help I'll refund your frustration in full.
Cinderella7 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I definitely entertain "magical thoughts" like that, even though I know there's no chance of them ever coming true. For example, I had an unexpected knock on my front door today & for a brief moment I wondered if it was my ex coming over to apologize. Totally ridiculous? Absolutely. Did it still cross my mind? Absolutely. You might feel crazy (I know I do when I think like that), but you're not alone. Wish I had better advice for you though.
star23 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 i once read a quote which helps me with the no contact. I have not been brave enought to delete fb or emails or anything. but when you think of heartach, look as it as a war not between you and your ex between you and your heart. You know in your head that it is better to leave it and walk away but your heart wont let you. So if you know there is no way contacting will help tell you heart that in win the war man!
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night, deleted the hundreds of emails, deleted his number off my phone (which I never did memorize thank goodness), made it so that any emails he sends me autodeletes, and blocked him on Facebook. It was not easy, and I know I'll be like that guy who throws out a pack of cigarettes and hours later is digging through the garbage for them but at least I made a move.
star23 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 i think we all need to do something to take a weight off our sholder when it comes to break ups. Although for me deleting his every existance was not what i wanted. ie i didnt delete emails mobile no or andything like that. I did clear my flat from any presence of his. So that it became mine again. That was a huge weight., Admittidly i am still a bit mixed up over what he is thinkg what this means and that. But i think i have finally relaised that there is sweet f all i can do about it. Actions speak louder than words, although their actions are often confusing. I now have it in my head that if someone is confused about whether or not they want you in their life, you do need to disappear from theis, now the out come could be that he will coming running back in your arms, or that he is happy he left. My ex and i decided on time apart, but im learning to just move on because i know what the dreams of getting back together might not happen. So its better to prepare yourself for the worse, then if you decided to get back together great! You have to watch if he does contact you, mines did saying he missed me. But whats confusing and drives me mad is whether or not they miss YOU or having someone in there life. So im approaching it with caution because if someone wants to be with you they will do everything they can!
Northwesthunny Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 LB ive been split up with my ex for 4 months now an im still suffering from those magical thoughts! Im due a new phone soon and i think o.m.g what if i change numbers then he wont be able to tell me he needs me back, and same with you if i block him he will have less ways of contacting me to tell me he still loves me so no you are not on your own x
Dark_of_the_Moon Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night, deleted the hundreds of emails, deleted his number off my phone (which I never did memorize thank goodness), made it so that any emails he sends me autodeletes, and blocked him on Facebook. It was not easy, and I know I'll be like that guy who throws out a pack of cigarettes and hours later is digging through the garbage for them but at least I made a move. I am really proud of you! Don't try to get them back. You did the right thing, trust me!!! You made the right move.
lilbelle Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 i am having these same problems. My ex broke up with me without saying so and basically went silent on me. NC for 2 weeks. finally i asked him how can i make things right. no answer. we did talk about business one day but nothing else. i saw him on friday and he kept walking by me and watching me. i did the stupid girl thing and approached him, asked him why he didn't answer my texts. he claims he didnt get them and i was like, yeah you did, he said it wasn't the right time. weirdest part.... He says "look at you, you can have whoever you want" I'm thinking, i want you dummy. i told him i loved him and he kept insisting i didn't. then he says, you don't trust me, you think i'm sleeping with other people... and yeah sometimes I do because in reality i need him to commit to me. So middle of the night i send a text saying i'm done and that i think he is disrespectful. morning comes, i leave vm telling him i did trust him but that i was confused and i don't want to say goodbye. long story short he tells me to leave him the f alone or he is going to file for harassment, very strong words and language, call me a dumbass, hurt me bad and then said I never had his heart that it belongs to someone else. I had to block his phone and email along with facebook. If he really wanted me to leave him alone why didn't he first off just say, i am done and i am going back to my ex? secondly, he could have blocked me if he felt i was harassing him. i feel like he just wanted to say hurtful things. I miss him terribly but i will not be treated this way. i deserve so much better and he can run back to her but it simply won't last. regardless, i loved him enough to just want him to be happy so if being without me makes him happy then i concentrate on that to make it through the melancholy. today is so bad i can't get out of bed.
her_halo_slipped Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 I think its part of holding on to a slice of hope. Hope always is the last to go, and if someone really meant that much to us then maybe sometimes we pack a bit of hope away for the future. So I think really there isn't much wrong with "magical thinking" as long as you temper it with a good dose of reality. Hope is what keeps us alive. I agree with WT wholeheartedly. Hope is what keeps us alive. But it must be tempered with reality. Magical thinking is just that...magical thinking. If we think it and apply the law of attraction though it may just become a reality. So ...becareful what you wish for cause you just might get it!
newyork82 Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night, deleted the hundreds of emails, deleted his number off my phone (which I never did memorize thank goodness), made it so that any emails he sends me autodeletes, and blocked him on Facebook. It was not easy, and I know I'll be like that guy who throws out a pack of cigarettes and hours later is digging through the garbage for them but at least I made a move. go girl! thats great! dont worry, we will make it thru NC
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted November 21, 2009 Author Posted November 21, 2009 Here's a funny one. I was talking to a friend of mine today and was telling him about someone I recently went out with and I said, "you can rest assured that this won't be like it was with me and.. um, uh... what was his name again?" He laughed pretty hard at that one, considering how often I cried on his shoulder about it. I honest to goodness for a split second couldn't even remember the guy's name I wrote this post about! I think that is progress. Well, that and the guy I started dating. I'm telling you, I did not think I could last an hour without hearing from Mr. Unrequited, much less a day or a month. Now, here I am getting by just fine. NC really does do the trick when you are trying to detox from someone.
HokeyPokey Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 I found it really messed up my progress when my ex would email me. Seeing his name in my inbox instantly raised all my hopes and got my head spinning, then I'd open it and it would say something completely dull, "How's it going?" I don't want to block his email either, but I didn't want to deal with the emotional highs and lows of just his stupid name being in my inbox. I decided to be honest with him and let him know that his contact was painful and giving me false hopes. I told him that I couldn't be friends without ulterior motives. Now that he has stopped contact I don't get those horrible emotions and am making good progress (got a date next week that I am actually excited about ). And he now also knows how I feel. So, while I have no hopes or expectations, if he does want to reconsider he knows it's up to him to make the first move.
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 I feel lucky that Mr. Unrequited apparently doesn't feel any particular need to get in touch with me. It hurt like hell at first to be completely ignored, and 'NC' for me was a matter of me forcing myself not to contact him. He still has not contacted me, and I am better for it now. If he does contact me, I don't know what will happen, but I can say that I will probably just delete the email without reading it. That would be the pinnacle of empowerment - to reach the point where an email that I would die for before would simply be deleted without being read and without a second thought. There is a saying... "Losing the love of your life is the greatest freedom you can know" and in a case like this, it really is nice to be free from that horrible state I was in.
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