Alone and don't know how to meet people

[kahn2154]

I’ve probably posted this message like twice on this board already but I have no idea what to do anymore. I’m 23 and a complete loser/loner, never had a girlfriend, and haven’t had a friend since I was like 13. I’m socially inept, somehow went through high school/college without making a friend, really self conscious and have no self confidence/self esteem. Now that I’ve graduated college and work from home I really have no opportunities to meet new people. I’ve tried to improve various aspects of my life, I had plastic surgery last year (used to be obese and had some embarrassing loose skin), and now am working out consistently to lose the last x lbs I never could. I’ve been going to psychologist for over a year to improve my Social Anxiety, but honestly lately it seems like he just shoots the **** with me for half the session than goes over stuff we’ve already talked about in previous sessions. Probably because of the fact there has been no progress on my part and nothing new to talk about, but basically he just keeps telling me that I just need to get into some group by getting one friend and after I get that one friend I could easily network from them, but the hard part is getting that one friend (god I’m pathetic).

 

I live an hour away from NYC and decided to go ‘out’ tonight which never happens by going to the village Halloween parade. Well watched most of it alone with only some creepy old guy who was next to me occasionally making comments. It started to downpour and I think it was near the end so I decided to just leave and head to subway which was packed with twenty something’s in costumes (is this normal every Saturday in NYC or just special for Halloween) I overheard the clubs a few of them were planning on going to, but I was soaking wet, had no costume, and think I probably would have just sat in the corner by myself and decided to just go to Penn Station and home. I had some girl talk to me on the train home when she caught her looking at me, but I just mumbled some stuff back and generally froze up because I’m such an awesome conversationalist.

 

I honestly kind of regret going to the parade right now because it really didn’t provide me with any fun, and I went hoping to meet or at least talk to someone and failed at that. Made me depressed looking at hot girls knowing none of them would ever want anything to do with me (I think I have no shot at any girl I find attractive….and no shot at the ones I am not attracted to also). I’m sitting here wishing I could have stayed longer in NYC and actually done something since by the time I got to Penn Station the rain stopped, but I know I would have found nothing to do. Had my dad calling me also every 5 minutes like I’m a 12 year old, need to move out also and want to go to city but bit expensive and scared I’ll just end up in a jail cell pretty much.

 

I’m 23 and no longer college age and seeing these people have so much fun makes me sad on all I’ve missed out on. From what I’ve gathered listening to psych and reading online, this is the age people start getting married and settling down, or getting a job and having a lot less time available, and usually it is very hard to get a network of friends or even start a very close friendship. I know people will say I’m still young, but it seems this is where people transition to adult and stop being careless and free as they are in their ‘college age’ part of their youth. Even if I somehow get things turned around and become more social I guess I won’t have too much time to enjoy these things since I will soon be too old for them. But yeah, I’m trying and still failing at life L

[CarrieT]

I'm 45 and found myself in a very similar situation. I highly recommend meetup.com -- hunt around for groups with similar interests as yours and start attending events. It won't be easy at first, but you are bound to start talking to people with the same interests and friendships will develop.

[kahn2154]

I actually joined a group like that (not from meetup.com) but gym/workout group that is VERY social. Most of the people there though are mid 30's and older though, I think only one other person my age and he is a few years older than me. I just have always had trouble getting past the acquitance part of talking to people when I am able to (college for instance, I had plenty of peopel to talk to during classes but never talked to them outside that class)

I'm just embarrassed by the fact I have no life experience that I think I would rather people not know anything about me (which is why I don't like talking about myself) rather than them view me as a weirdo or loser.

[TaleSpin]

I also recommend meetup.com! Myself and a few of my friends are members of various meetup.com groups. It's a great way to meet new people and living so close NYC, I'm sure there are tons of groups for just about anything you could think of.

 

Also, I'm pretty sure 23 is still considered "college age," no?

[kahn2154]

I just chose NYC and looked through meetup and didn't really find anything that interested me through 20 pages or so. Most of the groups were either nationality/religion related, work related, or musically related.

[TaleSpin]

You know, there is a search feature... I would recommend typing in "singles" or whatever it is you're looking for and/or interested in.

[CarrieT]

I just chose NYC and looked through meetup and didn't really find anything that interested me through 20 pages or so. Most of the groups were either nationality/religion related, work related, or musically related.

 

Well, what sort of things are you interested in? If you did a general search, it doesn't surprise me that you would find a lot of national groups. But if you search for specifics (books, wine, art, sailing, model railroad, tech-oriented etc...), there are TONS of specific groups which I'm willing to bet are close to you.