gtrguy Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 Long time viewer, 1st time poster. Have been on and off this forum for the last year and wanted to thank all of you for your thoughtfulness and coming together to help support oneanother as we all go through painful experiences together. This forum has helped me a lot during my recent breakup and I really appreciate it! So quick rundown of my situation. Was madly in love with my ex and thought she was too (she basically worshipped me). For a long period of time, I helped to improve her life: Work dramatically - helped her into NYC, her looks (worked out and ate healthy with me), educating her, sharing new experiences w/ her etc. She was a huge part of my life for the first 8 months of our relationship and we decided to move in together, decision being made from her assurance of love for me. Long story short, she started getting tremendous attention from men, her ex bfs and after 3 weeks of moving in, decided she didn't want to live with me and moved out - this is not a joke and we had basically been living in my previous apartment so it wasn't due to not being able to live together. After her leaving was a very hard period for me emotionally. She came in and out of my life via text/phone. I'm not pleading innocent AT ALL because there were things I regret doing, but her leaving after 3 weeks was atrocious. The next 3-4 months went on like this and ended right before the holidays when she met some lowlife. At that point I went NC because she was hurting me so bad and saying some awful things. Another 3-4 months go by with literally no contact (1-2 emails here and there) and sure enough I bump into her on the street in NYC after not seeing her for 4 months. She had gained all the weight back she lost and seemed very unhappy (even though she swears to me she was the happiest she had ever been). She downplayed any relationship she had (it was just a few dates etc but who knows the truth) My life was continuing to go really well at this point and I looked fantastic (was going to the gym 4-5 days a week). Long story short, the chemistry between us was astounding and one thing led to another and we got back together. I just had/have so much love for her even despite the fact she gained the weight back and had hurt me so bad. Unfortunatly as I have dated a lot in my life, I never felt this way for any girl. The next 4 months were wonderful to have her back and I loved her so much, but kept catching her in lie after lie which drove me nuts. I just could not trust her and anytime she would swear up and down about something, I would find something that proved her wrong and she would then apologize. It was really insane. Again despite all this, I never loved someone like I did her. I don't know if it's because of our chemistry, or me wanting to help her because she had a rough time with her father or how we just got eachother. But as you all know, we can't explain chemistry and love Sure enough, being with me she dropped the weight again. I live a very healthy lifestyle and love to go out and have fun, but not a big drinker and I think that has a lot to do with it. After 4 months when she was about to move to the city and looked fantastic again, she ended it cold as ice. No turning back, no nothing. I saw her one week after and have had no contact since. I basically may have as well have completely died. Again she said some extremely hurtful things. I should mention during us being back together, she basically lived with me 4-5 days a week again. Bottomline is, I'm a goodlooking, highly successful guy and take very good care of myself. Since the breakup 2 months ago now, I have been back to 4-5X a week to the gym, personal trainer, yoga etc. I have focused on work and my friends and have been doing extremely well on that front. I get a lot of attention from women and have no trouble meeting very attractive girls. I keep very busy, see my friends, been on dates, but just can't seem to let her go because I don't have any feelings for anyone but her. I won't even hookup with anyone because I don't have the feeling to and in a crazy way, I would feel like I am cheating!!! I wouldn't want to hurt another girl too if I still feel this way for my ex. I know you all must think I am crazy after the way she treated me, but I need help figuring out what to do. I want so bad to reach out to her but I know A) she won't respond because I tried that after we broke up and she didn't and B) It would destroy me to find out or hear of her being with others. I cut her off facebook, friends etc so have no contact at all. It just hurts so bad that in my mind I did a lot for her, cared for SO much, and she couldn't care less if I lived or died. I just can't believe someone would use you like that. I can't comprehend how people can do that? I guess I just really want her back because despite the way she treated me, I have so much love for her. I'm not scared of not meeting another, its just that I feel such a certain way for her. I don't think that matters to her at all though. Sorry for the long message but this has felt good to vent it out. I would love to hear other people's opinions on this. Hope everyone had a great Halloween!!
SValentine Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 Let her go dude. As hard as it is to do, you have to let her go. I know because i'm in the same boat. I loved my ex a great deal and i still do, but she's happy with another guy now and maybe its better that way. For her to have someone who can make her happier than i can. Although everyday i hope for a chance to get her back, i am fully aware the day might not come. If you're meant to be, she'll come back to you. No matter how long it takes, days or years, she'll find her way back to you. Take care buddy.
Author gtrguy Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 Thanks man. I guess what I'm asking is whether I should maybe try again to attempt contact. I just really miss her so much. My brain is saying what are you crazy to let someone treat you like that but my heart is begging with me to try and contact her. We have had zero contact for just over a month right now..
JaggedRoad Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 She used you, and then threw you away when she felt comfortable with herself again. It's only going to repeat unless she deals with her daddy issues.
Author gtrguy Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 Thats very interesting that you pointed out she has Daddy issues. How did you pick that up? There is some very strange relationship there that I still don't know the truth about. Very curious how you picked that up.
JaggedRoad Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 The next 4 months were wonderful to have her back and I loved her so much, but kept catching her in lie after lie which drove me nuts. I just could not trust her and anytime she would swear up and down about something, I would find something that proved her wrong and she would then apologize. It was really insane. Again despite all this, I never loved someone like I did her. I don't know if it's because of our chemistry, or me wanting to help her because she had a rough time with her father or how we just got eachother. But as you all know, we can't explain chemistry and love Just one mention of that word is enough. To be honest, everyone has mommy and daddy issues to some extent. Some people are just more affected. It has been a few years since I took psych and sociology, so it's best if I don't analyze your situation further than that.
aloneinseattle Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 Your situation almost sounds like mine in a way except, in my situation she was having "mother" problems. It is going on 3 months and 11 days of NC and to tell you the truth I still miss her dearly, but the best thing I did is NC and don't contact her. You need to start the healing process and only way this can happen is by NC, everything happens for a reason even if we don't feel that is true at the time. Just let her go, don't call her, continue on with your life and soon enough she will only become a distant memory.
Author gtrguy Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 Thank you all for your insight on my situation. I totally agree that NC is the smartest thing to do and I have stuck to that for over a month now. It's just hard because I went through this once before with her so I'm basically doing it all over again. I really thought us bumping into eachother and getting back was a miracle and it would really work out. Alone - good for you for sticking with the 3 months of no contact. Can't be easy. Just so sad that the person has to die in your life in order to move on considering how close they were to you at one point. I want so bad to reach out and be with her but I know that is impossible. I'm a perfect example of the "second chance scenario" and how it cannot work. Once the trust is broken, it is nearly impossible to repair unless both people are 100% honest and forthcoming. I should've known better and I'm angry at myself for letting this happen all over again. I think the worst part is that as hurtful as she was, I still love her to death and I know many of you think/feel like that. All I can say is that we are deeper, thoughtful people and will meet someone who will act/feel the same way one day.
JaggedRoad Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 (edited) My ex broke up with me for a total of 3 times. The last time she broke up with me was in 2006, so we had a good 3 years before things ended. Like yours, mine had issues with her father as well, but also with her mother. Things will always fall apart unless those issues are dealt with--even in the slightest way. It's a shame really. My ex was showing signs of opening up to her mother when I was with her, but she's back in denial again. Edited November 1, 2009 by JaggedRoad
Author gtrguy Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 Sorry to hear that but I know what you mean. No one is perfect and part of loving someone is taking the good with the bad.
JaggedRoad Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 (edited) Right. But that only works when both parties do the same. Anyway, you're better off without her. My lawyer friend had a girlfriend who had similar problems. She ended up dying due to a heroin overdose. Their relationship was on-and-off as well. Try to look for someone who's happy as a potential mate rather than someone you can save. Edited November 2, 2009 by JaggedRoad
Gucci Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 i kinda have this feeling... that you long for her so bad because you cant really have her completely..its human nature..you only want something that you cant have...it happened to me before~ also...give it sometime to get over her before you start to date..when you have this deep loving feeling towards your ex.all you want would be her.. you wont find other woman attractive. let her go...you deserve a good quality woman like yourself, who love you back..and someone who is mature and stable
nobleguy Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Yep. Mine has an inferiority complex brought about by her dad being a complete ba****d to her when she was younger, and being at a school where she was assumed to be thick. She always thought she was ugly, then she started getting bits of attention here and there on FB when we moved back up to her home town and the local meat heads suddenly realised that she wasn't the ugly duckling any more. Her inability to tell them where to go (she would always be friends with them and give them the impression that there might be something to be had) was what drove me mad in the end, and it tore us apart. All because she needed attention from anyone and everyone to feel worthy. I saved her from her dad then she dumped me when she had got everything she needed from me. Not quite as simple as that but...
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