CharlesDarwin Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 Ok so I had been dating a girl for 6 years, we started to lose communication she noticed it and started talking about marriage as a way to hold on to me and i got spooked, as a coping mechanism i got on dating websites and started talking to girls. She saw their text messages and told me to stop. I told her it was only looking for friends. Then one night she came home and told her friend how excited she was because a guy had hit on her at work that day. I was upset and angry so I made a profile on a sex search website, which she found because i was so disgsted with myself after i had done it that i accidently left the thing up. She left me the day she found that. We reconnected about a week later, but she had already set things in motion that required her to move to iowa. She moved and we talked on the phone for about 3 hours a night every night for 3 months. She told me how much she missed me, how lonely she was etc. then one day she basically out of the blue says that she needs to stop talking to me to decide what she wants. I say ok..2 days later she texts me that she is seeing a new guy. We have stayed in contact about 1 day a week for about 1 hour a week. She told me this new guy is coming out of a divorce and an ex convict(signifigant because Im trying to get on the local PD so he is pretty differant from me). Shed been seeing him for 2 weeks and she told me he has become obsessed with her. that hes moving too fast, already told her he loves her and she was obviously uncomfortable with that. She also started asking about my relationships told her that I didnt have any, but that a girl had come into my work a few days before hand and had hit on me pretty hard asking for my number, but that i didnt give it out, my ex asked why i said well i told her I am still attached kind of, "kind of" the girl said, I replied that I had recently gotten out of a long term relationship and that my heart still belonged to another. my ex got quiet and said "you know sometimes i really hate you" in a soft tone of voice. I asked why she said "because..well i cant tell you why" Its been 1 month since she started talking to him now and she told me last night that she "really likes him" is this a rebound or should I try to move on?
vivrantflo Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I was in your same situation 3 years ago. My ex and I were on a break from our 3 year relationship, and I started seeing someone else. She found out, dumped me, and started seeing a new guy a week later. 3 yeas later I still love her, and never got a second chance. I chased her for a year and a half, and I regret the hell out of doing that. If you want her back, you really have to ask yourself if you REALLY want her back. You hurt her multiple times, and she even gave you a chance to smarten up, and you dropped the ball again. At least you had that second chance, I didn't. If you want her back just because she moved on, and things didn't end on your terms, then leave her alone. If you really love her, and want to try again, put it all out to her, be honest with her, then leave her alone. As long as she's with another guy, you two have nothing to talk about really. Put it out there, answer her questions, then leave her alone. If she wants to explore someone else she has that right, but don't be at arms length to her if she's seeing someone else. Expect her not to come back though. You performed the ultimate betrayal, and not many people who do that get a second chance.
Author CharlesDarwin Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 (edited) so the fact that for 3 months we talked for 3 hours a night, including nights where she would call me. Talked about getting back together, she said she missed me, we cried together because of how much we missed each other etc. doesnt mean anything at all? and another thing we actually talk fairly easily still, we can easily talk for an hour or more on the phone about differant things, do you think i should break off our weekly talks or keep that line of communication open? I know I messed up big time, but Its not just because things ended on her terms that I want her back. Its because I really do love her, I just got scared at the idea of marriage and needed to run away but couldnt bring myself to actually leave her because I knew I didnt want to leave her. stupid I know Edited November 2, 2009 by CharlesDarwin
AnthonyMalibu Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 She 'really likes him' now? Just like that? Sounds like this girl is playing games. She doesn't exactly want you (well, not fully anyway) and she doesn't completely want him either. She's going to keep walking the fence, looking over into both yards to see which side the grass is greener on. Will she ever decide? Who knows? But when she does jump into one yard and roll around in it, you can bet your ass she'll still be considering hopping the fence to have that grass too. Let this one go, bro. Sorry.
bluestraps Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Youre done . But In the future Dont go on any sites like that if you are in a relationship for what ever reason.
carhill Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 OP, I do feel for you, but, in that particular kind of pissing match with a woman, you will almost always lose. Did she really say she wanted to marry you to 'hold onto you'? I ask because, to me, that statement was loaded with power for you to retain the status quo. What exactly 'spooked' you? Do you fear marriage in general or was it just with her? If she came back to you tomorrow, what would change?
Author CharlesDarwin Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 OP, I do feel for you, but, in that particular kind of pissing match with a woman, you will almost always lose. Did she really say she wanted to marry you to 'hold onto you'? I ask because, to me, that statement was loaded with power for you to retain the status quo. What exactly 'spooked' you? Do you fear marriage in general or was it just with her? If she came back to you tomorrow, what would change? I feel like I have changed, I got spooked because I felt like if I got married that young that I would miss out on alot of things in my life, that I would never get the chance to go be stupid with my friends etc. But after being with out her for even a few days I realised what a monumental mistake I had made, that my time with her meant more to me than anything else in the world. I realise that nothing in the world could match what I have lost by what I have done I think the biggest thing that would change is that I would be far more willing to openly communicate my feelings and fears to her. The biggest thing that spooked me though was when we first started dating in HS, she dumped mr 5 times. then we got back together, all with in 2 weeks of each other, the 5th time she dumped me, i was done and moved on. 8 months later she asked to have dinner with me and I agreed and we talked and I saw that she was a differant person and I forgave her, but didnt forget. Well when she felt me starting to pull away, she told me if i didnt marry her soon that she was leaving, and it brought back all kinds of old emotions and made me feel like i had been duped that she was really no different and that made me pull inward even more.
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