HeavenOrHell Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 If your long term partner leaves as he felt neglected, unloved and unneeded and it wore away their feelings for you (still love you and need you but not in love anymore), can those feelings ever come back, could they just be buried deep down somewhere because of the hurt?
bluestraps Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 Hard question to awnser. I think we all remember from time to time all the old boy/girlfriends we've had. And some will stand out more than others. I still am not sure of the difference between love and being in love. Is'nt needing someone part of being in love How long a relation are we talking about ? Are they forgiving of these things. I know Ive been through a lot with my curent relationship. Although it has ended , I still am acting as if it is still going on. I'm thinking about the person and have strong feelings even though I have been treated very poorly, not been understood or appreciated ilike I should have been. So it is possible But in your case we would need to know how long its been since this relationship ended.
Author HeavenOrHell Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 Hi, many thanks for replying. He left in July after 18 years together. He also left me about 8 or 9 years ago twice, as we were in a rut (both to blame for that), but after he came back we were much more solid, (and he said he was in love with me still but thought he hadn't been, he told himself he wasn't as it made it easier to leave) until I started neglecting him as I was so involved in animal care, he no longer felt important, I had become obsessed with the animal care, I never had any time for him and no days off for 7 months of the year. Before he left this time, he didn't say he wasn't in love with me as such but that he couldn't give me what I need as a partner anymore. He felt like that because of my neglect. Before we split and he was trying to decide what he wanted I asked him if it would be final this time and he said yes, he cant muck me about anymore (we'd been in limbo since spring while he was deciding, with help from Relate), and I said do you feel differently to the last times you left and he said yes, that last time he had still been in love with me but thought he wasn't. He said he loves and needs me still and that I will always be special to him, we are still very close, he says I will always be the person he can be himself with and that we know each other inside out. He is a forgiving person, but he was abused as a child and does need a lot of love, which I used to give him (and him to me) before I got so involved with the animal care. He is a wonderful, caring person. He said he was terrified of losing me altogether if we split. I wrote a HUGE message about this last night in the Second Chances forum, too long for anyone to read or reply to http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t207950/ We've been meeting up regularly, what I find so awful is that since we split and just before we split we finally opened up about our problems and what had happened and I hoped we could rebuild. But now I'm not hopeful and have gone NC the last few days, he has made it clear he wants to see me still but respects my decision. Thanks for reading.. Hard question to awnser. I think we all remember from time to time all the old boy/girlfriends we've had. And some will stand out more than others. I still am not sure of the difference between love and being in love. Is'nt needing someone part of being in love How long a relation are we talking about ? Are they forgiving of these things. I know Ive been through a lot with my curent relationship. Although it has ended , I still am acting as if it is still going on. I'm thinking about the person and have strong feelings even though I have been treated very poorly, not been understood or appreciated ilike I should have been. So it is possible But in your case we would need to know how long its been since this relationship ended.
star23 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 i feel a bit silly because i was only with my by from 10 months, he left because he felt that he had nothing to offer me and generally felt rubbish about where he was at his age, he is 30 im 25. i have we are trying th nc thing. i tried to be strong and tell him not to contact me untill he sorted his head out, Yet he text telling me he misses me. but i know he cant be with me the way he is feeling and i dont want to be with him if he is mixed up like that. id like to think we could sort it out but i think time apaert is for the best. But How do you know if they are feeling a loss for you or just lonely?
star23 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 sorry the first part meant to say, i have a good job working for a charity which i love and have an opertunity for a career he is working in a call centre and cant seem to see a way out. I have never ever suggested to him that his job was rubbish, i knew he could do more but never pushed him. He says i should be with someone who has money and a career and who wants kids and marrage but i have told him that i dont know if i want those things, and money has never been an issue for me! i feel he might be a little not jealous but envious because he said he wouldnt be feeling like this if he was doing something that was worht while like..."working for a charity"!
Printer Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 If your long term partner leaves as he felt neglected, unloved and unneeded and it wore away their feelings for you (still love you and need you but not in love anymore), can those feelings ever come back, could they just be buried deep down somewhere because of the hurt? I hope that they can return. i'm in a similar position, long relationship and my wife left saying she no longer loved me. I think if they were once there, they can come back. She has built up a lot of resentment towards me which she does not no how to handle. Forgiving is the key, but do people know how to unlock their heart and release the internal pain to start the healing process?
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