slamina Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 Hey guys, I'll just get to the point. Since my ex broke up with me, she has been going out of her way to hurt me. Why would someone who said that they loved me want to do this to me? I couldn't and still can't believe that someone who said they loved me would intentionally be causing me so much pain and grief. That would be understandable, had I been the dumper and had she wanted revenge, but I was the one left bleeding and dying in extreme pain for weeks. Why did she want to cause even more anguish to me? For example, last week it was our would-be anniversary. So what did she do? She went and saw the sequel of the film that we saw on our first date, with like 4 guys. Those guys being mutual friends, but really they are so much more my friends than they are hers. Recently, shes been talking to my friends a lot, almost as if she wanted to win them over for some reason. This is making me feel pretty angry and uneasy. Shes also making a massive point of making as many new friends as possible and shoving it in my face. Why? What should I do? (Complete NC is impossible due to circumstances). Thanks
onewillburn Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 Sometimes the person who does the dumping tries to come off as the victim. I think it's a psychological trick to absolve themselves of any guilt they may have, it really depends on the relationship. I went through a similar situation, but I didn't let it bother me. I had these friends who I kind of fell out of touch with while I dated her and she barely knew them at all. All of a sudden, after we break up, she's talking with them on Facebook, etc. At first, it bothered me and kind of confused me, but then I realized it was just a game. I think she was mad that I didn't really try to get back with her after we broke up. There was no begging or calling her a million times. I just stopped calling her and tried my best to move on. I deleted her on Facebook after we broke up and she wanted me to see her talking to my friends, she wanted to keep tabs, maybe even get me jealous or get my attention. What did I do? Not much, really. The key is to not let these sort of things bother you. Now that I think about it, after a few weeks with no response from me, she pretty much stopped talking to them entirely. Be strong and stop caring about what she does. Don't let her turn this into a game of who wins your friends over. That's just childish. Let her be the childish one and you the mature one who is above these kinds of games. And never let her know that it bothers you even a little bit. Act completely unfazed by the games she's trying to play. I say to "act" that way, but hopefully you'll think it over and realize that you really should be unfazed by it. Obviously, she's disrespected something that was special to you, and that should be a wakeup call for you to realize that this girl is a permanent part of your past. Why is NC impossible, by the way?
Author slamina Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 Because we go to the same college. And, also that is what Ive been trying to do- ignoring her and standing on my moral highground. I hope thats the right thing to do. Anymore ideas guys or just any words of encouragement woul;d be great!! thanks
Tamia78 Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 One said it best, so you've pretty much gotten all the advice you need. You are definitely doing the right thing by ignoring her. When you talk to your friends on facebook, don't even acknowledge that she's speaking to them either. That's what she wants, you to feel any kind of emotion for her. Doesn't matter what it is. My ex broke up with me, yet he still tries to text me and bring up some chick he's dating. Saying things like, "She's been so nice and sweet to me" as if I've just been an evil, cruel bitch. He broke up with me, so why does he even think I care about his other girl? Again, he's just trying to stir up any emotion in me just so I can talk to him. Don't take the bait. I think you will do fine. --T
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