weltrav Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 So I got online tonight and made the mistake of looking at ex's facebook profile and saw that she is now listed as in a relationship with this new guy. This tears me apart. What should I do? I still want to try to get her back, but is it a waste of time?
Thebob Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 How long ago did you break up with her? and most likely all hope is lost man...... Sorry, I feel like mine is about to be in a relationship to. I just looked at her facebook page and her single went off, but it still says she is single in her info tab. SO Idk why she took it down on her main page but kept it on her other one.
onewillburn Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 As paradoxical as it sounds, the best way to get back with your ex is to move on and start living life for yourself. And I mean really move on, don't think "I have to pretend I'm moving on so she'll get back with me". You need to get to a point where the idea of being with her doesn't matter. Apathy or indifference about her, pretty much. Learn to be happy by yourself. Cut off all contact with her if you haven't already and ignore any attempts by her to try and talk to you. You have to stop hoping you'll get back together. Keep busy, get better at things you're good at, try to make new friends, and look into dating or hanging out with new girls. You need to realize that you have value without her. I know it hurts, but that's what this place is for. Come here when you feel down and vent. We're here to support you. Stay strong. I've been going through a similar thing and I have plenty of down days, but I'm getting stronger whereas I thought I would never feel better. Keep us posted on your progress.
Author weltrav Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 Yeah I'm starting to realize you are right about just moving on and leaving her behind. Right now it is just so hard, I have been staying with a buddy because everything, and it seems everything, in my place has a memory associated with her. In the past month I've started smoking again after quitting 3 1/2 years ago and I've been drinking too much. I have a lot of cleaning up to do after this whole disaster.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 It doesn't mean there's no hope if your ex sees someone else, sometimes it is another relationship which can help them see the grass isn't always greener, BUT as onewillburn says you do need to move on, we can't live our lives hoping they will want us back. I wish I could take my own advice
LostInLA Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 There's nothing you can do but take care of yourself. Don't concern yourself with what's going on with this new relationship...I know it hurts, I'm in the same boat...and it hurts BAD...
h2ofrek Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 It could have been worse, she could have started up a new relationship to help expedite the end of your relationship with her...you know so you would be all PO-ed at her and she would not have as much guilt about your hurt. That's what just happened to me after a 10 year marriage, and you know what, people are people. I love her, but there was just something about "us" that wasn't quite making our lives as good as they should have been. We used each in our own ways and so I can not be angry at her. I actually love her more now than when we were "happily" married, but it is a different kind of love. I am starting to find out different things about myself and you know what, I was denying myself the happiness I deserved BECAUSE I was trying to meet her needs. (more often than not, I was focusing on the wrong needs and missing the LZ altogether) I won't say never again, but it'll be quite a different relationship I am in before I let myself slip into that kind of living again. Anyway, love yourself, love her as a fellow human on this planet and hope that if she couldn't be happy with you, maybe this new guy might be healthier for HER and you will find someone healthier for YOU. Belay that... Find YOURSELF and be happy with that. That is a true rarity, be OK with yourself and then you will be better suited to love your woman, who ever she may end up being. Do great things. Aloha
AliveAndKicking Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 My ex recently found herself a new victim *ahem!* partner. Ouch, for sure, but... That kind of seals the deal huh? Now that THAT is settled I am now free to put my thoughts, my energy, my everything back into someone I've been neglecting for quite some time: ME! While I have no desire to reconnect with my ex and perhaps you do, we both need to do the same thing: Rebuild ourselves into the very best "us's" that we can. It's a win-win for us regardless of our desired outcomes. I mean really- how can one lose? Ya can't. Set that whole concept of a relationship on the back-burner and get down to business! I'm looking at a long dark winter. I see that as a positive rather than a negative: I have a good many months to work on myself and have plenty of time to do it. I have some reading I want to do, lots of home improvements to catch up on, plebty of excersize shovelling snow and whatnot, and I can really focus on my work and sock away a few bucks. I figure by spring I'll have ay least a few of my ducks in a row and will present a much better package when I decide to start dating again. Spring, a few extra bucks, a nice comfy house, better physical health- how can I lose? I'll bet there are some things that you could set as goals like I have done. Step back from all the worry about your X and put your focus onto yourself. You deserve it, dont you? You bet you do! Take care of YOU. You can't lose no matter how things play out.
angelface78 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 My ex fiance of 5 years is also in a new relationship. Its been 3 months since the breakup. You have to keep going. You cant do anything to win her back. If she wants you she will come back on her own. Let her be with that guy...it might not work out at all. Right now just focus on you and stop looking at her facebook. I was just like you looking at his myspace but it was just hurting me so i stopped looking. It was the best thing i could've done!!
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 There is nothing you can do to win someone back - at least consciously. You can't run around acting in a specific way to win someone over, and even if that worked, how long before the act would slip and they'd realise nothing had changed? Also if she dumped you, you should not HAVE to chase her unless the reason for the break-up was because you did something awful such as cheat or be abusive. Otherwise it simply is a matter of them not WANTING you to prove that you can change. They give up on the relationship and you. When you really love someone, they can make terrible mistakes and you will still want them because you will give them time to prove they can be different. If she didn't want to give you that time...well then its too late. If she did and you couldn't make those changes, its a sign you are not yet ready. Many people think after a break-up that they can deliver everything they 'failed' to give their ex, but if you got back together I can bet the guilt/anger/sorrow/hurt at the break-up would cause all of us to mess things up again and return to anything we may have done to 'drive them away' (assuming we did) All you can do is focus on you. Aloofness is glamarous and attractive. If she wants you again, she'll come across a photo of you or word of mouth and think 'god I want him back'. If not...someone else at some point will want you. Anything you do as the person that was dumped to win someone back is counter-productive. The more you chase her, the more she will run. Also someone being in a new relationship means nothing. In fact relationships can mean everything or nothing. People rebound, people are in relationships but not in love, or not having sex. A relationship doesn't need to be serious and sometimes people get in them just so that they aren't alone. Try not to focus on the fact she is in a relationship - it may mean nothing.
Odyssey Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Weltrav, do whatever you feel will let you vent any stress or anger you feel, talking to people about it is usually the best way to get it all out and if you feel like you need to cry then do so. There is nothing you can do to make her come back. Everyone's the same here. No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you'll never get through it without your friends.
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