jb1173 Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 A couple of months ago I started seeing a guy I dated briefly about six years ago. Things were going along well, or so I thought. I recently took a high-stress job that keeps me very busy well into the weekend. I wasn't sure if I would have time to meet up this weekend, but I did make the time. I spoke to him in the late morning when he called and asked him if he was busy tonight and he said he didn't really have anything going on and that we should touch base in the early evening. I called him at 5pm to say I was free and asked him to call. Two hours later I still had not heard from him, so I left another message. It is now after midnight and he still has not called. It is halloween night and I am not going to sit home alone and mope. So I went out with friends. Still no call from boy. A boy who is old enough to know that games are ****ty. But I feel completely played. I think he dumped me without ever telling me so. If his plans had changed, he could have done me the courtesy of calling or texting...but no. I feel like crap. I was developing real feelings for this guy. I cared about him. Wanted him in my future. And now this. I did nothing to deserve being treated so badly. Why? Why does it always come down to some jerk treating me like dirt?
JolliX Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 Sorry to hear this jb. This happening really hurts. I just got dumped myself, and I have no way of getting closure with the girl who dumped me (she won't talk with me). I don't have anything wise or helpful to really say, but I know how you feel, and I'm sorry.
Author jb1173 Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 The thing is, I can't tell you how many hours we talked about respect in relationships...people treating others how they'd want to be treated. We are both well over 30 and 40 and are supposedly mature enough to handle dating like adults. I feel like this is a high school game played on me. It's not like he wasn't expecting my call. He knew I was calling. If he had made other plans with friends I would have been cool with it had he called. But he ignored both calls all evening. And now I am a bucket of tears. I can't believe I let myself get hurt again.
JolliX Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 I have a bathtub of tears to match your bucket. It really sucks being dumped, especially after hours and hours of discussions. Saddly, he just didn't see eye to eye with you on those discussions, and you've poured more into the relationship than he did. Keep posting how you feel, and getting it out as you can. After a few days of venting and hearing from others, you might be ready to start moving on again. But I do know how you feel. I'm sitting at home on my favorite holiday crying my eyes out about once an hour, wondering why I couldn't hold onto the girl I had just two days ago. It'll get better, and you will move on and be happy, because unfortunately, you don't have a choice but to push on to be happy.
Author jb1173 Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 I'm sorry for your pain, JolliX. I suppose I would be able to handle this better if I hadn't just been dumped before on August 5th. I literally feel like garbage. I am a woman. A loving woman. I want to feel desired. And loved in return for all I can give. But I feel hollow. And so empty.
JolliX Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 I think all people like us want to feel desired. You wanted him, and you just wanted that feeling shown back to you. Unfortunately, not everyone is like that, and the only way we find this out is by pouring ourselves into a relationship to find out there is no true return from the other person. Fill another bucket with tears if you need, and continue to let it out. When you feel like you can't cry anymore, then stop crying, and look into how you can put things back together and start moving on again. This forum seems to be a pretty good one to reveal how you feel on, so keep posting, and I hope sooner than later, you feel better.
Author jb1173 Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 People tell me all the time that I'm so beautiful and smart, but apparently, I am never enough of a woman to hold the attention of the man I want. Man, this just hurts down to the goddamn core.
JolliX Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 I was just told four days ago by the girl that dumped me that I was amazing, and a great person, handsome, and spectacular, and that she wanted me in her life. Now she won't even talk to me, and I got dumped in a text message. I did a stupid move then, and went to her place last night to try to talk with her, sat in her parking lot in the rain, and just texted her asking her to explain things to me so that I could have closure. I texted her that I wanted her back, but I understood it was over, and I just needed her to explain some things to me. She texted that there was nothing to explain, it was just over, and that she won't reply to my attempts to contact her again. Life is miserable for now, but I am going to push myself until it is better again. Counseling, meeting new people, classes, etc. It will get better, just keep in mind that after you mourn the loss of the relationship, you have to do something to make it better.
Author jb1173 Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 JolliX, you can't expect closure from d-bags. There will be none. You won't get it. Because anything they say will be b.s. And hanging out in her parking lot is just desperate. I hope you know that I am saying this not to be mean, but to tell it like it is.
JolliX Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 I appreciate you telling me like it is. I realize now that it was desparate, I'm just very bad at initially handling a situation like that (something to work on for imrpovement). But not to hijack your thread, so anything else you want to let out?
xpaperxcutx Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 Sorry to hear that JB. But you sound like a tough chick to me, so I know that you'll get yourself together. I hope you'd deleted him from your life. Age can never be an indicator of a person's maturity but at least getting hurt allows you to learn something new. Now you know the kind of behavior you won't tolerate.
Author jb1173 Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 But you sound like a tough chick to me, It's funny because I was just saying tonight that I am not really a tough girl, I just play one on TV. I am tough as nails when it comes to everything else in my life...but when it comes to matters of the heart, I am a pile of goo.
JolliX Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 Well from the replies I've seen on these forums so far, this is agood place to be a pile of goo. People here seem to be good at giving helpful words.
Author jb1173 Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 I guess I should explain goo. Goo doesn't mean allowing yourself to be a doormat. I am so beyond that. Goo doesn't mean doing things your rational mind tell will tell you is desperate, clingy or otherwise self-deprecating. Goo to me means always recognizing the good in those I chose to care for and love...which is a limited group. Picking your battles. Not sweating the small stuff. Seeing the humanity in others -- seeing their pain and never using it as a weapon or a pawn, but protecting the other person as if the pain were your own -- because if they trust you enough to share it with you, then you must always treat it with kid gloves. That is what love and compassion does. Forgiving without sacrificing your self-respect. Goo to me means risking your heart, for nothing worth having comes without risk. The problem I seem to have is that I feel these things on a much higher plane than the men I end up with...even though I only pick partners with a high level of intelligence...and seemingly high emotional capacity. It is that last part where I think I fail.
boogieboy Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 JB, the older you get, the more jaded people get. So no matter how much you talked about respect and communication, he still thought that you were seeing someone else and instead of talking to you about it, since people normally deny it, he bailed out. If it was a new relationship, I would have been suspicious too...maybe.
Author jb1173 Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 he still thought that you were seeing someone else Huh?! I never, ever gave him any reason to believe that. I have never been unfaithful. Not ever. I was very direct about how I feel about such behavior and how that totally goes against my moral and spiritual compass. I don't believe that is the issue here at all. I think he simply decided he wanted to chase after hotter tail, and I got tossed to the curb in the process.
EarthGirl Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 (edited) you ever think you are just TOO MUCH woman to hold the attention of a man? I don't mean to say you're fat, I don't mean it as an insult, but a compliment. Sometimes with really special and beautiful women in and out, men get overwhelmed, and back off inevitably even if the woman is good about not "sending the wrong signals" or acting in a way that would pressure him or overwhelm him..even a woman who understands psychology and those kinds of people skills (I'm not one of them so I am screwed in a lot of lifes areas, although I have an uncanny ability to detect what anyone is feeling as soon as I'm in their vicinity but that is not the same way as knowing the right way to 'act" to get the best results in life, that is hard for me). Sometimes just being an amazing woman is enough, unfortunately. And try as you might, you will never ever be able to change who you are. But in the end that will be a good thing, I promise. Find the RIGHT man, and he may back away for a while, hopefully not too long, because to HIM you will be EVEN more amazing than to all the others, but eventually he will inevitably come around. And maybe it won't take as long as you think or as it does with some other couples, you never know with these things, life is so unpredictable it's crazy. Can't promise you a happy ending but you never know. Oh and love love and love and give plenty of tenderness and understanding to those you love, but don't take any cr@p from any man or anyone that you know in your heart you don't deserve. Edited November 1, 2009 by EarthGirl
boogieboy Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Huh?! I never, ever gave him any reason to believe that. I have never been unfaithful. Not ever. I was very direct about how I feel about such behavior and how that totally goes against my moral and spiritual compass. I don't believe that is the issue here at all. I think he simply decided he wanted to chase after hotter tail, and I got tossed to the curb in the process. It has nothing to do with you. Its the beginning of a dating relationship where people sometimes lie. He probably got passed up in the past by women who lied to him about it, and asking "are you seeing other people?" in this instance would send people away in his mind. He should have asked, if he thought this, but instead he just bailed. No use in asking if he thought he wasnt going to get the truth.
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