about compliments

[627]

let me see if I got it straight

if you compliment a woman too much on her looks, she hates it

if you never compliment her, she'll think you're blind or uncaring or uninterested

if you compliment her too soon especialy if it is something she heard a thousand times, she'll be like "yawn, heard it, next!"

 

I read somewhere that if you act a bit indifferent it would pay off more, as in make you mysterious and drive the woman to persue you, nice plan, except, what if she dumps me for the next guy that comes in?

 

and yes I hate mind games, I read so many sociology/dating books, I got nowehere, and I see people who can't even write their names(seriously) doing much better than me

 

something else, some articles I read say smiling is important and attractive, others say being indiferent and mysterious and not smiling is what works, the term is arrogant/funny or something as they put it

 

doing favors is a no

 

what else?

this forum needs some tutorials to be stickied

[bbf]

Girls, and guys!, like compliments when they're genuine, with no expectations, only at times when it would make them feel better in general or about something they want to feel better about, from someone who matters.

 

I would say that smiling is never bad, unless you are doing it very wrong.

[xpaperxcutx]

Different things work for different people. Maybe instead of dating books, you should try some body language books.

 

They're at least practical.

[boogieboy]

You only give compliments sparingly when you first meet someone, and not compliments on looks, only compliments on personality. Thats the safe route you can go for now. Didnt you read anything I posted in your last thread? I spelled it all out.

[627]

You only give compliments sparingly when you first meet someone, and not compliments on looks, only compliments on personality. Thats the safe route you can go for now. Didnt you read anything I posted in your last thread? I spelled it all out.

I read too much, that's kinda the source of my confusion

 

it is said that compliments make the person feel better about themselves

not about the one givign the compliments

 

I guess the obvious question is, what is then the point of giving the compliment? I boost someone's self esteem so they can walk past me and go for someone else

 

PS: I read body language books also

some magic books and joke books too, as I heard they may be useful

 

you'd think going through all these trouble actualy get you somewhere

 

while my friends spend their times and money on harry potter books and eragon, I simply go for the next datign related book I can find

Edited November 1, 2009 by 627

[carhill]

If they actually earn the compliments, as they should, the boost will be mutual. Also, it's fine if they walk past you and go for someone else. The same applies to you. Try it

[627]

If they actually earn the compliments, as they should, the boost will be mutual. Also, it's fine if they walk past you and go for someone else. The same applies to you. Try it

I have never received a compliment in my life

(people above 70 and my mom's friends do not count )

 

I can get my haircut, shave, or let myself go completly or buy something new etc etc... no one ever says anything

 

I think it is falsly assumed that guys dislike compliments or don't need them

[boogieboy]

You dont get compliments because you didnt earn them. No one is going to give you compliments out of the blue. You dont give anyone compliments to boost anything either. You give them a compliment IF THEY EARNED IT. That way if they walk away, you gave them nothing they didnt earn. They dont earn it just by giving you the time of day. You dont give it to them because you feel like you need to be generous, people feel the neediness from you right away when you do that. Strangers dont need you to boost their self esteem, thats not yor your job. Ifyou have a gf that feels a lil low, then you do it.

[carhill]

Yeah, looking back, the compliments thing is part of pedestal-building disease. Probably best for the OP to avoid that.

 

The challenge, in the case of dating, is finding and recognizing a woman who doesn't react to all the insincere fluff that the smooth talkers put out and actually goes for the man who compliments her sincerely when she's earned it.

[627]

Yeah, looking back, the compliments thing is part of pedestal-building disease

I didn't get that

 

Different things work for different people

by the way, I actualy don't believe that

and the saying evey individual is different

somehow I don't see that applying where dating is concerned, because it is almost obvious that some guys for example get many dates and options, and some get nothing

 

I had a girl friend once telling me about some guy she met, and he was drivign her crazy, again it seemed because she could not figure him out and it confused her, I have to say it was magical. she said she was not in love with him, and yet somehow whatever we would be speaking about, we'd come back to him

eventualy he threw her in the firends zone and immediatly officialy started dating someone else(which I'd say, he was at least working on both at the same time) and this wole process happened in a week or 2 tops

on he other hand here I am aiming for one girl only and sucking at it

 

and looks had nothing to do with it

 

the point of the story is to try and explain why my questions are always specific, frequent and asking for details I really believe that there is soem sort of skill or mastery for doing that

some magicaly were born with it but I am going to find it

[carhill]

I didn't get that

 

It was a reflection on the unhealthiness of unearned sincere complimenting in the pedestal-building process that went on in my younger life. The key is sincerity. If you're just saying the words and really don't care, you're fine. I cared, unhealthily.