darby1 Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 Ok.. this post makes me sound like I'm glutton for disrespect. And being aware of this possibility only makes it more .. i guess pathetic. But here it is! The guy I have been dating, well, we see each other every day and he has become dependent on my resources and I on his company (the pathetic part).. so to say we are dating would be what makes sense to the world, but dating usually implies a union toward a growing future.. this one seems more like a holding pattern. In any case. He is 10 years younger than I. He has no job, no car, no home.. so me providing for him is a must if I expect to do anything with him. he can't pay for ****. and as he's grown on me.. I can't let him starve right? you get the picture. And I am No sugar momma .. but slowly but surley.. somehow, I am now! it was a gradual progression toward where we are at now... but now I am running low on resources, and not looking to regret the good times I have bought with him.. I guess this is what guys do with women all the time ya know. But I can't afford him anymore! (I take full responsibilty for my self sabotoging generous ways) But then last night he did something that I am having a hard time shrugging off. I was sick, swollen tonsils and needing rest, but we had plans all week to go to this party he's been looking forward to. He doesn't want to go alone, and then I feel bad, so I say ok look.. I'll go for a little, I'd like to be in bed by midnight.. but if you decide you want to stay, just get a ride from one of your friends there and I'll leave. he says "no thats cool I'll leave when you leave." all is understood and he thanks me much for being a trooper and heading out while I'm clearly under the weather. So, at 11:00pm, I am exhausted, so I tell him I am going to go to the car and lay down for a bit then he says, he is ready to wrap it up anyway and will be down in a bit to go home. Well.... midnight rolls around and nothing.. I figure, give him another 30min... I can't get back up into the securred building not knowing his friends name, I am parked on a street corner in downtown los angeles Alone and sick and his cellphone broke a few days ago, so I can't call. It's now 1:30am and I have no intentions of waiting another hour or even 5 minutes, I am Furious!!!! he knows I am sick! He said he would be down shortly.. HE knows I am Sick AND that I have to work in the Am AND I am alone in my car in the middle of downtown in the middle of the night!!!! I mean.. the way I see it.. He just didn't give a ****. He did not care at all about me! Clearly! Am I over reacting? No! Don't think so! I was completely pissed and frankly shocked. So he finally comes down, only minutes b4 I am about to leave him stranded. He is all wasted drunk and expresses how sorry he is.. blah blah, trying to be all cute, ya know.. please forgive me. yadda yadda. Anyway.. so here I am today. Its Halloween. We have plans for tonight that we have had all month. As if I wasn't already asking myself "What the hell am I still doing with this guy?" which I've been asking ever since he got me pregnant! yeahhh did I mention?.. So, my expenses doubled and irresponsibilty went on the rise.. Yet, I still find myself with him? for what reason? not having the balls to kick him to the curb.. feeling sorry for him maybe? I don't know? I find myself finding it easier to just blow it all off, and move forwad with the plan as scheduled. Point is... What am I doing??? I am no idiot, but I am certainly being one! I've never done this b4 with a man in my life! Ever! wouldn't. But not only have I, and still going.. It's like I am watching my own movie and slapping myself in the head as I see myself continue. Am I so bored that this is my own personal comedy show?.. because what was once a fullfilling past time, has become a bit of a joke! I got my socks off already, gave it a whirl, fulfilled a fantacy having my Jim Morrison. What on earth am I staying for? So there ya have it. I am being the worst idiot of all because I'm aware of it. So spare me the "your stupid" "your pathetic" etc.. comments. I know that already. I'm looking for insight as my frist time being stuck in idiot routine! Why is this difficult at ALL to drop? I am not in love, I get nothing great out of it, its a split of My resources, yet.. I let it ride???? AhhhhhHAHHHHA!!!!! Whats happening??? ?? ?
aerogurl87 Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 Umm I think the law of diminishing returns applies to this situation. At first you were getting alot out of him as far as companionship goes but now as time progresses the amount you get out of fun with him doesn't compare to how much he's costing you. Well when this happens it's best to let the companionship go, that's all I have to say, but I'm sure your well aware of that. Are you afraid of being lonely?
boogieboy Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 YEah r u afraid of being alone? Are you mad because you dont have another branch to swing to? Do you think you wont be able to deal with the guilt of kicking him to the curb? You should have no guilt in dumping him after all this.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 Well, I'm completely puzzled. Why DO you stay with him? Surely you are getting SOMETHING from him or you wouldn't continue to stay. The only thing I can think of is what the others are saying about being lonely. When was the last time you were completely, 100% single - not dating ANYBODY? Wowzers at the baby. When are you due? How does HE feel about the baby?
xpaperxcutx Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 Okay woman, slap yourself so you can get yourself together. Do you want this guy in your life? If not, you're capable of kicking him to the curb. He's irresponsible and even if he's your baby daddy, he's still irresponsible! You're already having trouble raising two people, now a third is on it's way, you better get your act together.
Author darby1 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 Although I've never thought of myself as someone afraid of being alone, perhaps thats it! I do like the companionship. Being alone all the time is lonely. But pretending his need for me, is love for me, is down right sad. I won't be staying with him. I've decided to project distance and let it go. As far as the baby is concerned, I've decided not to have it. It was a decision I put a great deal of thought into and although I would be choosing differently if I were privileged enough to make decisions based on idealism, I have to base a life commitment decision like that on reality and choose with intelligence. The baby's daddy being an irresponsible child himself, is not the greatest weight in my decision. The choice is based on the reality's of finance and where I am in my life. The realities of having no family to help and the lifestyle I want for myself and future children. It is not an easy choice because I know if I was financially secure and capable of responsibly raising a child right now I would have it. Knowing that makes me sad. But facts are facts and I will not pretend the facts don't exist to satisfy an unrealistic ideal. So pro-lifers.. you go have a welfare baby by yourself in los angeles. have at it. I'll pass. I'd like this short lived chapter in my life to end, learn my lessons and move forward. The guy is so good looking.. he is this young brad pitt surfer guy. Guys my age don't look like that anymore and the one's who do lost all that innocent sweetness. I guess at the end of the day, I was taking a last sip of my youth... "hot" is overrated when thats all he is. On to the next chapter: Adulthood. (yikes)
mbeewood Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 let me guess, you like him because he's tall?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 This is sorta easy: This is akin to having invested in a stock: You bought in at $100 a share, and the stock immediately took a turn toward the south, and you figured you'd stick with it a bit longer, and see if it leveled-off, and eventually started climbing. Instead it went down a bit more... and pretty soon your stock had disappeared well below $60 per share... and then below $40, and you have a sense that your only chance to get even is to keep holding on and waiting for the rebound. Now, with the stock zooming downward from $20 a share toward $12 a share, you are beginning to panic. Never do you give any thought to the idea that twelve good dollars of yours, invested in a more promising stock, could be worlds better than the probable eventuality of your investment in this guy. That is all in response to "What am I doing?" and "What's happening?" None of my thoughts equate to it being a good idea, but it is an unwise idea clouded by emotions.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Although I've never thought of myself as someone afraid of being alone, perhaps thats it! I do like the companionship. Being alone all the time is lonely. But pretending his need for me, is love for me, is down right sad. I won't be staying with him. I've decided to project distance and let it go. As far as the baby is concerned, I've decided not to have it. It was a decision I put a great deal of thought into and although I would be choosing differently if I were privileged enough to make decisions based on idealism, I have to base a life commitment decision like that on reality and choose with intelligence. The baby's daddy being an irresponsible child himself, is not the greatest weight in my decision. The choice is based on the reality's of finance and where I am in my life. The realities of having no family to help and the lifestyle I want for myself and future children. It is not an easy choice because I know if I was financially secure and capable of responsibly raising a child right now I would have it. Knowing that makes me sad. But facts are facts and I will not pretend the facts don't exist to satisfy an unrealistic ideal. So pro-lifers.. you go have a welfare baby by yourself in los angeles. have at it. I'll pass. I'd like this short lived chapter in my life to end, learn my lessons and move forward. The guy is so good looking.. he is this young brad pitt surfer guy. Guys my age don't look like that anymore and the one's who do lost all that innocent sweetness. I guess at the end of the day, I was taking a last sip of my youth... "hot" is overrated when thats all he is. On to the next chapter: Adulthood. (yikes) Darby - this is not an easy decision to make. But it sounds to me like you have put a lot of thought into it. Don't let ANYBODY make you feel bad for that, period - EVER. It's your body, your choice. That being said, I hope you have somebody that can support you at this time...emotionally. If you don't have friends/family close enough to you at this time to share this with, then I would highly recommend you find a counselor or SOMEBODY to talk to for emotional support. Someone that you can trust to just listen and not browbeat you. Your reasons for the choice appear sound and you come across as a strong and intelligent woman. Just don't forget that the emotions after the event can get rough. Take care of yourself. It does suck having to make adult decisions. I hear ya!
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