CarrieT Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 Going through dating sites, I see guys who specify "no baggage." I don't read the girls' profiles so I don't know if they are saying that or not. Now being 45, I have "history." But I am really curious what people think qualifies as "baggage." An Ex that is still in the picture and causing problems? A drug problem? I can think of the extremes, but what are the minor things that people consider "baggage."
Sam Spade Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 never learning, carrying on (and being unaware of) the same issues from relationship to relationship. that's baggage. everybody's got issues (or baggage). the difference is whether or not people become self-aware and take responsibility for them. Guys in particular are very sensitive to women with "baggage" because the endless supply of men encourages lack of accountability, and therefore provides little incentive to learn.
aerogurl87 Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 Going through dating sites, I see guys who specify "no baggage." I don't read the girls' profiles so I don't know if they are saying that or not. Now being 45, I have "history." But I am really curious what people think qualifies as "baggage." An Ex that is still in the picture and causing problems? A drug problem? I can think of the extremes, but what are the minor things that people consider "baggage." I think it depends on the person. For me, baggage is children since I never want any (so I definitely don't want to be with someone who already has some), major financial woes that are not in the process of being rectified (ex. someone in $100,000 or more of debt but with no means to pay it off in a reasonable amount of time), and anyone who has really bad anger management and/or trust issues that have not been dealt with yet.
WTRanger Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 Baggage to me is when we are on our first or second date and you incessantly ramble on about your ex's. Dead or alive. In fact, that's as much baggage as a whole damn airport right there.
Johnny M Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 Going through dating sites, I see guys who specify "no baggage." I don't read the girls' profiles so I don't know if they are saying that or not. Now being 45, I have "history." But I am really curious what people think qualifies as "baggage." An Ex that is still in the picture and causing problems? A drug problem? I can think of the extremes, but what are the minor things that people consider "baggage." "Baggage" is anything from your previous relationships that is still with you and makes you less desirable as a prospective girlfriend. If your ex is in the picture, if you're an emotional wreck because you last relationship was a disaster, if you are a jaded, bitter b*tch because every guy you've ever dated turned out to be an @sshole, you've got baggage. To many, kids would also qualify as baggage, although that seems to be a touchy subject.
hopesndreams Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 I think baggage is the past relationships that you carry around with you. Bitterness about a breakup or divorce. Always talking about the past love in your life, sometimes with anger but sometimes with love. I certainly wouldn't want anyone with baggage, but, who doesn't have any? As long as they don't talk about it to death, then I'm ok with it.
Taramere Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 Going through dating sites, I see guys who specify "no baggage." I don't read the girls' profiles so I don't know if they are saying that or not. Now being 45, I have "history." But I am really curious what people think qualifies as "baggage." An Ex that is still in the picture and causing problems? A drug problem? I can think of the extremes, but what are the minor things that people consider "baggage." "No baggage" has a jaded, fed-up sound to it. Along the lines of "not into games" or "no time-wasters" it smacks of someone having trawled the online dating game for a while, and having had various unpleasant experiences as a result. Maybe when a guy on a dating site makes a "no baggage" demand, it's a euphemism for "I already caught an STD from the last trainwreck I met on this site, and I don't need any more thanks."
octopus Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 A person with baggage is a person that lets whatever negative happened in past relationships have a negative impact on the current one, eventhough the new partner had nothing to do with it.
johan Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 Going through dating sites, I see guys who specify "no baggage." I don't read the girls' profiles so I don't know if they are saying that or not. Only an idiot would write that in his profile.
spookie Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 I tend to view myself as having a lot of it, because getting to know me and understanding my past requires a lot of work and explanation. I tend to write almost everyone off as not being up for the challenge, but the truth is, I'm generally not up for the challenge of opening up, either.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 Anything that raises an alarm in my head. But it usually involves exes and cheaters.
Slainte Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 Everyone has a certain amount of baggage, meaning "hang ups" from past relationships and their possible failure. We would not be human if we didn't have such psychological record
deux ex machina Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 If your baggage somehow coordinates with theirs, that's all that matters... I take it to mean, "Don't give any problems, ok?" Before they even got to know you. That's a default position that is very unattractive. Anyone who would say "no baggage", or similar things would be a no-go. Way too much baggage for me, that.
JohnP82 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Baggage can be anything. An ex that cheated on you so you treat the new person as if they are bound to cheat on you, it could be you still in love with the ex, kids, previously married, etc.
tfkizzle Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 "Baggage" is anything from your previous relationships that is still with you and makes you less desirable as a prospective girlfriend. If your ex is in the picture, if you're an emotional wreck because you last relationship was a disaster, if you are a jaded, bitter b*tch because every guy you've ever dated turned out to be an @sshole, you've got baggage. To many, kids would also qualify as baggage, although that seems to be a touchy subject. this A person with baggage is a person that lets whatever negative happened in past relationships have a negative impact on the current one, eventhough the new partner had nothing to do with it. and this If your baggage somehow coordinates with theirs, that's all that matters... I take it to mean, "Don't give any problems, ok?" Before they even got to know you. That's a default position that is very unattractive. Anyone who would say "no baggage", or similar things would be a no-go. Way too much baggage for me, that. so clever and so true
Author CarrieT Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 I'm also loving the recent "no drama" stipulations. Hello? Life IS drama. Deciding which cereal to eat for breakfast IS drama...
deux ex machina Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 I think "no drama" means want to get straight to the f*cking.
dreamergrl Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 When I think of baggage I think of past things that people are not over and it strongly influences the currant.
Thornton Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 I would say that baggage is anything undesirable from previous relationships that you bring into the current relationship. For various people, this may or may not include children, ex-spouses or other exes who are still on the scene, addictions such as drugs and alcohol, serious emotional issues, etc. In its most basic terms (for me at least) I'd define it as simply children and ex-spouses; that's probably what most people on dating sites mean when they talk about baggage.
sumdude Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Two kinds of baggage. Physical Baggage : People and things: the ex, children, debts, cars etc.. anything left over from the past. Emotional Baggage: Left over feelings or things not let go of. Trust issues, commitment phobia, unresolved anger, self esteem problems etc etc
threebyfate Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Baggage are incompatible character traits, that manifest from previous bad experiences.
boundaryproblem Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Still obsessed with ex wife, ex girlfriend or 3rd grade violin teacher. Been going for coffee with a man for a few months and all he talks about is his soon-to-be ex-wife. yawn mind you, perhaps this is 'emotionally unavailable', rather than 'baggage'.
ADF Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Going through dating sites, I see guys who specify "no baggage." I don't read the girls' profiles so I don't know if they are saying that or not. Now being 45, I have "history." But I am really curious what people think qualifies as "baggage." An Ex that is still in the picture and causing problems? A drug problem? I can think of the extremes, but what are the minor things that people consider "baggage." Excellent topic! I think a lot of the guys who insist on "no baggage" really need to wait until someone invents a sex android they can pull out of the closet when they're horny and put away afterwards. By "no baggage," they mean sex with no normal human complexities of any sort whatsoever. They want someone with no past. No kids, no ex-boyfriends, no family trouble, no hang ups, no fears, no regrets, etc, etc. That's just not realistic. Don't get me wrong: there are people for whom the past weighs too heavily on the present. There is such a thing as too much baggage, too much drama, too much chaos. But people don't enter our lives as blank slates. They were fully formed human beings before we ever met them. We need to grow up and deal with that fact.
monkey00 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Baggage is having your new female roommate tell you about a guy dumping her after buying a house with her and being together for 7 years - that's the first time you guys hangout. Baggage is also her telling our broker about it upon first meeting. LOL, true story in my case. I think baggage comes in many forms. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with a bad and long relationship that's left you scarred. You can have baggage such as being unable to commit or invest emotionally in building relationships. It could also be someone that lacks empathy/understanding. Baggage is just baggage. It's a piece of the past or present that's hindering you from moving forward with building relationships. That's how I view it.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 "No baggage" has a jaded, fed-up sound to it. Along the lines of "not into games" or "no time-wasters" it smacks of someone having trawled the online dating game for a while, and having had various unpleasant experiences as a result. Maybe when a guy on a dating site makes a "no baggage" demand, it's a euphemism for "I already caught an STD from the last trainwreck I met on this site, and I don't need any more thanks." I disagree. I think it's more like saying. "I like to pretend I'm cool when really I'm a sorry sad sack." Seriously... who writes "no baggage" on their profile?
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