BiGMERF Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 Hello everyone, as my title says Im new and going through a seperation for the second time with my wife. This time for good. Im having a difficult time with it, although not as bad as I did the first time. here is a lil bout what happened We have been married for around 5 years. She was my highschool sweetheart. we where together for around 2 years back them. We went our seperate ways after that and found each other 5 years ago and immediately rekindled our love.We married like 3 weeks later. Well in the past year we have been having some issues mostly due to the fact that all of a sudden she was going out 3-4 times a week and woudnt come home until 3 or 4 in the morning. we all know what that means! Well in March we came to a decision that maybe some time apart would help, so i left. we continued to see eachother after however. including sleeping with eachother. One day i came to the house unexpected and found her in bed with someone else. Well i didnt catch her in bed but i found the mans underwear under the covers.( This killed me) I did not speak to her for around a good month and the whole time she begged for my forgiveness. After much soul searching and church time I decided to do what almost no one else would do and forgive her. I came back home in july and tried to work things out. Now in late september the same **** from before began to happen again. Going out all the time and the late night arrivals. Now yesterday i heard her on the phone talking and when i walked into the room she did her phone but i heard very clearly when she put it down another man saying "Hello, Hello, Are you there". So it seems she is at it again. I have packed my stuff and i will be leaving tomorrow. this time for good. there is no way on earth i can ever forgive here for this again. I know it. Now I am dieing inside because i really love her and Im almost sad to see here this way. i feel I have let her down as a husband. This women for sure is gonna self destruct at some point. I am absolutely positive she is going through some sort of mid-life crisis judging by the company she keep (kids) and what she likes to do. I mean i have no problem going dancing and stuff. **** i like that but 3-4 times a week. Worknights? give me a break. thanks for listening
MrFun Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 Sorry you're going through this. But to be honest, you should be glad to be rid of her. Sure, it's difficult, most on this forum can attest to that, BUT, it's for the better. You can't be her therapist. If she SELF-destructs, it's her choice. You never let her down as a husband because you're not in charge of her emotions. It's her life. She's looking for something, maybe she'll find it. But judging by how she treats people, it's going to be a rough ride for her. Nonetheless, think about it for a while, get it out of your system, but it's not up to you to take care of anyone but yourself.
Author BiGMERF Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 well i write this as i spend my first night away from home and my family. saying goodbye to my 2 stepsons waqs a horrible experince i would not wish on anyone. I am so alone and scared at what life brings now. Despite all of the crap she has done to me and me knowing i am probably better off without her, I still feel horrible and miss them dearly. Tears inflate my eyes as i type this and a tremendous pain in my heart and soul over whelm my common sense. What am i gonna do now?
hopesndreams Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 i feel I have let her down as a husband. She has let you down as a wife. You deserve so much more. She's broken, has no moral compass and you are not a doormat. File for divorce. What am i gonna do now? Live life for you.
Author BiGMERF Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 i feel I have let her down as a husband. She has let you down as a wife. You deserve so much more. She's broken, has no moral compass and you are not a doormat. File for divorce. What am i gonna do now? Live life for you. easier said than done...
carhill Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 So, what positive step can you take tomorrow?
Vampire Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 well i write this as i spend my first night away from home and my family. saying goodbye to my 2 stepsons waqs a horrible experince i would not wish on anyone. I am so alone and scared at what life brings now. Despite all of the crap she has done to me and me knowing i am probably better off without her, I still feel horrible and miss them dearly. Tears inflate my eyes as i type this and a tremendous pain in my heart and soul over whelm my common sense. What am i gonna do now? I feel your pain brother. This is my story and it involves a stepson I raised as my own for 10 years. I completely understand the feeling of fear and loneliness of what the future may bring. I can't imagine another woman being able to hold a candle to my ex or me being able to love again in the same way. It's absolutely heart breaking and you feel cheated of something that was meant to be so treasured and special. Like you, I'm also blaming myself for every small thing and wishing I'd tried more, but if I had, surely the goalposts would have been moved again. You did what you could. I really do understand that no amount of words will help you right now as you're in a really dark place where you can't see a future through the tears. For me it's the end of a 10 year relationship which has taken the best years of my life with it. The comfort of security has been pulled from under our feet and now we have to learn how to deal with it the best we can. I'm reminded of the lyrics "Here I stand and face the rain, knowing nothing's gonna be the same again." All I can say, is that I really do know how you're feeling pal.
Author BiGMERF Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 thanks everyone for the kind words.. Vamp that was really nice. its great to hear from someone who really understands
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