legen Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 My problem: There is this guy I go to uni with, we get along really really well, make each other laugh all the time, etc etc. I've obviously thought he could eventually make a good boyfriend, but I had never really *thought* about it until yesterday, where he practically said he has feelings for me. He went through a breakup recently, and yesterday we were talking normally and out of the blue he said he needed time, because he was very confused and afraid to do something stupid, and he didn't want to mess anything up. I just smiled and said "OK", pretending not to understand what he was talking about. But ever since I can't help but to feel immenselly scared. Really. My heart is racing and pounding, and I feel like the thought of being *with* him scares the bejesus out of me. This might have to do with the fact that he might become my first boyfriend, but I don't know... I can't stop thinking about him and I can't help but to feel scared and in way over head. Is this natural? If yes, when does it stop? If not, how can I make it go away?
Malenfant Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 My problem: There is this guy I go to uni with, we get along really really well, make each other laugh all the time, etc etc. I've obviously thought he could eventually make a good boyfriend, but I had never really *thought* about it until yesterday, where he practically said he has feelings for me. He went through a breakup recently, and yesterday we were talking normally and out of the blue he said he needed time, because he was very confused and afraid to do something stupid, and he didn't want to mess anything up. I just smiled and said "OK", pretending not to understand what he was talking about. But ever since I can't help but to feel immenselly scared. Really. My heart is racing and pounding, and I feel like the thought of being *with* him scares the bejesus out of me. This might have to do with the fact that he might become my first boyfriend, but I don't know... I can't stop thinking about him and I can't help but to feel scared and in way over head. Is this natural? If yes, when does it stop? If not, how can I make it go away? if you're saying he is potentially your 'first' then i think its very natural to feel overwhelmed by the prospect that you and he may become intimate. you dont know what you're getting yourself into, because this is potentially your first relationship. its perfectly natural to feel this way, and also to obsess a bit about him, thinking about him a lot (thats true of any emerging relationship to a degree) the thing is, its very difficult for you to know if you want him to be your BF or not, as you dont know what will happen, what he'll expect etc. its a whole new world of the unknown. Just remember its not 100% up to him if you become a couple, its your decision as well. the only thing I would be wary of if I were you is him saying he needs 'time' and he's 'confused' etc. dont hang around him expecting anything concrete, he sounds a bit confused at the moment and that doesnt make for the best first relationship, but when he's settled it may be worth a go.
Author legen Posted October 31, 2009 Author Posted October 31, 2009 if you're saying he is potentially your 'first' then i think its very natural to feel overwhelmed by the prospect that you and he may become intimate. you dont know what you're getting yourself into, because this is potentially your first relationship. its perfectly natural to feel this way, and also to obsess a bit about him, thinking about him a lot (thats true of any emerging relationship to a degree) the thing is, its very difficult for you to know if you want him to be your BF or not, as you dont know what will happen, what he'll expect etc. its a whole new world of the unknown. Just remember its not 100% up to him if you become a couple, its your decision as well. the only thing I would be wary of if I were you is him saying he needs 'time' and he's 'confused' etc. dont hang around him expecting anything concrete, he sounds a bit confused at the moment and that doesnt make for the best first relationship, but when he's settled it may be worth a go. thanks so much for the advice... about that "confused" part, I understand you; if anything is to happen I'm going to wait until he's 100% sure. Even I'm not 100% sure yet oh the other thing I forgot to tell is that he's one of my best friends... and I'm not sure I want to lose that friendship... Why must love be so hard?
Malenfant Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 thanks so much for the advice... about that "confused" part, I understand you; if anything is to happen I'm going to wait until he's 100% sure. Even I'm not 100% sure yet oh the other thing I forgot to tell is that he's one of my best friends... and I'm not sure I want to lose that friendship... Why must love be so hard? such is the nature of the beast my dear! (but its all totally worth it) the best friend becoming a boyfriend thing is a very common problem. It could be the basis of a very good relationship that you are very good friends, you cant have a good relationship without being friends, and you know each other well. On the other hand, you're scared of losing the friendship that is very important to you. Its just a total risk i'm afraid, and only you both know if you want to take it. If it works out the rewards are great indeed, but you just wont 100% know without taking that leap of faith. I think thats one of the things that makes love so exciting, so dont be too afraid to take a chance if you both feel its right.
boogieboy Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 thanks so much for the advice... about that "confused" part, I understand you; if anything is to happen I'm going to wait until he's 100% sure. Even I'm not 100% sure yet oh the other thing I forgot to tell is that he's one of my best friends... and I'm not sure I want to lose that friendship... Why must love be so hard? If its love, then its not a friendship. If he tells you that he cant be with you because hes not over his ex, then you will be heartbroken, you wont want to hang around him, it will hurt too much for you, and thats not a friendship. Its an infatuation, and you need to accept it for what it is, and what it will be. Be prepared for that just in case.
Malenfant Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 If its love, then its not a friendship. If he tells you that he cant be with you because hes not over his ex, then you will be heartbroken, you wont want to hang around him, it will hurt too much for you, and thats not a friendship. Its an infatuation, and you need to accept it for what it is, and what it will be. Be prepared for that just in case. i think she means that they are already friends and there is a possibility of more. I think the word 'love' is being used by the OP in the general sense, sort of a fondness type way, not a bunny boiling obsessive type way!
Author legen Posted October 31, 2009 Author Posted October 31, 2009 (edited) i think she means that they are already friends and there is a possibility of more. I think the word 'love' is being used by the OP in the general sense, sort of a fondness type way, not a bunny boiling obsessive type way! that was exactly what i meant... thanks for your advice, malenfant btw - "bunny boiling" has to be the best expression ever xD Edited October 31, 2009 by legen
boogieboy Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 I stand by my statement. Once you are ready to crossover to dating, its no longer a platonic relationship, and you risk the friendship if someone gets hurt.
Author legen Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 I stand by my statement. Once you are ready to crossover to dating, its no longer a platonic relationship, and you risk the friendship if someone gets hurt. thank you for your advice too, boogieboy. I am aware that I have to take a lot into consideration if this does go forward, because maybe nothing will happen afterall. we'll see
Recommended Posts