Taucher Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 So, it's been nearly 6 months since she left me. Nearly two months strict NC now. Not heard a word from her. Truth is, I am lonely and bored. The shock has (mostly) worn off, and my social life has improved loads. I have friends to do things with most nights, but I am nearly the only single person I know. So what do I do on the nights on my own? I went out with my ex for 5 years, was in love with her for 2 years before that (so 7 years in total) and we lived together for the last 2 years. We did everything together. Just having a night in watching TV, she was with me on the sofa. It was fun. Cosy. I miss it. When she went on nights out with her friends to the west end, I would travel in to meet her and we would travel back through London together. It never felt like a chore. Sometimes we would stop off at a 24 amusement arcade to play Sega Rally 3 or Tokyo Rush. I loved how she was better at those games then me. So, after nearly 6 months, I miss her so much. And all I have to do tonight is to sit here and think about how much I miss her. I also wonder what she is doing this Friday night. When I am over her, will I also get over being single? T
JaggedRoad Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkwVTK10cwQ Maybe, but listen to that song while you're getting over her =)
Lamak Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 It's alright that you feel the way you do, you haven't had enough time to mourn the relationship. As long as you don't a.) do something crazy or b.) contact the ex, you're doing okay. On those tough nights, you should pick up a new hobby or read a book. Hell, you could have a random movie night. Just make sure to do things that keep your mind off of her. Eventually what she is doing won't matter. Don't worry, just take it all in stride.
LostInLA Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 I can totally relate. It's a real adjustment from having someone there to just being alone. I've also been struggling to find ways to occupy my time. And I don't know about you, but I went through a phase where I DREADED the weekends. I'm soooo happy that part is over. For now, I'm thinking of this time as my last time or last chance at being single. Think about it...after this moment in life you'll probably meet someone you will marry and be with for the rest of your life (if that's what you want). So enjoy this time as much as possible! This is the time for you to get to know yourself and to discover what you like to do, and to reconnect with your old self. For me, this means I'm slowly getting back into art - drawing and painting, which was something I enjoyed before meeting my ex. Also, I picked up a new hobby, knitting. It's not the coolest thing but I get to make stuff for my friends as a thank you for putting up with me over the past several months. Haha! And I'm making an effort to make new friends. It's really hard, but if you meet one awesome person, that will open up the doors for you to meet more. Then you will realize you are truly moving on and building a life for yourself again. So get out there and do stuff! Also, take your time to mourn. Sometimes I will set aside a certain time on Sunday for myself, to really think and feel what I'm going through. I know this helps with healing and moving on. After all, I want to be the best me that I can be for my next LTR.
mickleb Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 Aw, Tauchy. I get you, although I'm not dealing with missing someone I loved for 7 years. And I chose to be single for 5 years, previous to my ex, so I got on top of being single pretty well. I still get you, though. Last night's TV was sh*te and my funds for socialising have disappeared once and for all, it seems, now I've been told my car will cost me a further £800 that I HAVE NOT GOT! Watching TV or a DVD on the sofa with him is what I miss most. It turned a dull night into a magical one. But, as you know, there's no point living in a Wishing Tree. We've got to take control of what we can control. And sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we get stuck with a bloody boring night in. We have the choice to either just allow this to happen, which - in the grand scheme of things - is okay (I mean, think of all the people in the world who don't have a roof over their heads, or food, let alone a TV to be bored by!). Or, we can do something that takes our mind off stuff - there are a lot of things you can do (read, hire a DVD, knit!, cook something, come here, call a friend, learn a new language, watch clips of our favourite comedies on You Tube - my current favourite being Summer Heights High - .. I'm sure you can think of things that you COULD do.) We make our choice based on how much energy we have to expend. Sometimes, we are out of effort for slogging on, regardless. Sometimes, just giving in (the first option) is all we're capable of. TaraMaiden described these moments brilliantly in one of GrayClouds most recent threads: Originally Posted by TaraMaiden Ah yes.... Classic. You've hit the plateau. Everybody does, Nothing is completely cr*p, but then, nothing is completely great, either. I don't actually know how to break this gently to you, but - frustratingly - it's called Life. Unfortunately, I know a bit about this. I have countless thousands of square miles to cover, on my trusty steed, helping whole villages fight the oppressive iron-fist-like grip the local landowners try to exert over their impoverished serfs.... I meet warlocks with ideas above their station, I have to overthrow, wicked sorceresses capturing young local eligible bachelors and bending them to their whim, I combat dark and wicked knights, hell-bent on needless violence against young impressionable virgins.... But I can't keep up the pace you know - nobody can..... these episodes do not follow one upon the other in either logical sequence or frequency.... I have days... weeks.... months of total apathetic boredom.... Ho-hum. Brush the horse. Sharpen the sword. Adjust my stainless-steel inch-thick impenetrable bustier.... God, it gets cold.... don't let this get-up fool you - when I'm not in action, I wear winter thermals and woolly socks. Which is most of the time. What I'm trying to say is, that there is no reason at all why Life always has to give you something to do. You have to go find it. It doesn't just land on your plate with a "Hey, there you go - here be dragons.... fetch your lance and have at 'em!"...... At the risk of stating the obvious, if things reach a plateau, it's because right now, we've run out of ideas of how to create a challenging landscape. Let me give you some encouragement. Let it be for a while. keep plodding. And whilst it is admirable to improve the physique (trust me, it takes real work to look this good) you need, more than that, to keep your MIND interested. Start to read something you sharply disagree with. See the other POV and tear it to pieces..... Or learn something about a subject you've always wanted to get under your belt. Or join a knitting club. I'm serious. Go against your grain, and do something every day that you wouldn't normally dream of doing. if you can't make your life more adventurous externally, work on the internal. Pass the leather polish...... You have two issues going on here. The first is to do with being single and coping with nights like this - which, I assure you, IS totally do-able. The second is to do with letting go. I think you're at the stage you anticipated recently - you know you should but you're going to resist it. It is hard to believe that there is someone else out there who is as great as she was, for you, when you are still (quite brilliantly, may I add?) grieving the loss of a 5 year relationship. But I KNOW there is. You will know it too, one day. Take care, Happy Hallowe'en and thinking of you. x
Author Taucher Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 Hello, Thanks everyone for replying. It has really helped. I can totally relate. For now, I'm thinking of this time as my last time or last chance at being single. Think about it...after this moment in life you'll probably meet someone you will marry and be with for the rest of your life (if that's what you want). So enjoy this time as much as possible! This is the time for you to get to know yourself and to discover what you like to do, and to reconnect with your old self. For me, this means I'm slowly getting back into art - drawing and painting, which was something I enjoyed before meeting my ex. Also, I picked up a new hobby, knitting. It's not the coolest thing but I get to make stuff for my friends as a thank you for putting up with me over the past several months. Haha! Yes, this is SO right. I have been in one relationship or other for the whole of my 20s (I am 30 now). Yes, I SHOULD appreciate the advantages of being single, and there ARE advantages. Your positivity is really a good example for me and I will try to do the same. Aw, Tauchy. I get you, although I'm not dealing with missing someone I loved for 7 years. And I chose to be single for 5 years, previous to my ex, so I got on top of being single pretty well. I still get you, though. Last night's TV was sh*te and my funds for socialising have disappeared once and for all, it seems, now I've been told my car will cost me a further £800 that I HAVE NOT GOT! Watching TV or a DVD on the sofa with him is what I miss most. It turned a dull night into a magical one. But, as you know, there's no point living in a Wishing Tree. We've got to take control of what we can control. And sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we get stuck with a bloody boring night in. We have the choice to either just allow this to happen, which - in the grand scheme of things - is okay (I mean, think of all the people in the world who don't have a roof over their heads, or food, let alone a TV to be bored by!). Or, we can do something that takes our mind off stuff - there are a lot of things you can do (read, hire a DVD, knit!, cook something, come here, call a friend, learn a new language, watch clips of our favourite comedies on You Tube - my current favourite being Summer Heights High - .. I'm sure you can think of things that you COULD do.) We make our choice based on how much energy we have to expend. Sometimes, we are out of effort for slogging on, regardless. Sometimes, just giving in (the first option) is all we're capable of. TaraMaiden described these moments brilliantly in one of GrayClouds most recent threads: Originally Posted by TaraMaiden Ah yes.... Classic. You've hit the plateau. Everybody does, Nothing is completely cr*p, but then, nothing is completely great, either. I don't actually know how to break this gently to you, but - frustratingly - it's called Life. Unfortunately, I know a bit about this. I have countless thousands of square miles to cover, on my trusty steed, helping whole villages fight the oppressive iron-fist-like grip the local landowners try to exert over their impoverished serfs.... I meet warlocks with ideas above their station, I have to overthrow, wicked sorceresses capturing young local eligible bachelors and bending them to their whim, I combat dark and wicked knights, hell-bent on needless violence against young impressionable virgins.... But I can't keep up the pace you know - nobody can..... these episodes do not follow one upon the other in either logical sequence or frequency.... I have days... weeks.... months of total apathetic boredom.... Ho-hum. Brush the horse. Sharpen the sword. Adjust my stainless-steel inch-thick impenetrable bustier.... God, it gets cold.... don't let this get-up fool you - when I'm not in action, I wear winter thermals and woolly socks. Which is most of the time. What I'm trying to say is, that there is no reason at all why Life always has to give you something to do. You have to go find it. It doesn't just land on your plate with a "Hey, there you go - here be dragons.... fetch your lance and have at 'em!"...... At the risk of stating the obvious, if things reach a plateau, it's because right now, we've run out of ideas of how to create a challenging landscape. Let me give you some encouragement. Let it be for a while. keep plodding. And whilst it is admirable to improve the physique (trust me, it takes real work to look this good) you need, more than that, to keep your MIND interested. Start to read something you sharply disagree with. See the other POV and tear it to pieces..... Or learn something about a subject you've always wanted to get under your belt. Or join a knitting club. I'm serious. Go against your grain, and do something every day that you wouldn't normally dream of doing. if you can't make your life more adventurous externally, work on the internal. Pass the leather polish...... You have two issues going on here. The first is to do with being single and coping with nights like this - which, I assure you, IS totally do-able. The second is to do with letting go. I think you're at the stage you anticipated recently - you know you should but you're going to resist it. It is hard to believe that there is someone else out there who is as great as she was, for you, when you are still (quite brilliantly, may I add?) grieving the loss of a 5 year relationship. But I KNOW there is. You will know it too, one day. Take care, Happy Hallowe'en and thinking of you. x Thank you mickleb, as always you are a shining light. Yes, TV on Friday night WAS a bit ****e. No more Peep Show (I love that one). Yes, I can always think of things that I COULD do, but for some reason, I always end up sitting around in my pants (I mean underwear for the US people) and doing nothing. I am into mountain biking though so I do do that but not as much as I should, even though when I do do it, it feels good. But even when I do go out on my bike, I end up cycling past my ex's place wondering if she is looking out of her window at me on my bike, like I am some kind of sexy urban warrior which, of course, I am. Obviously. Thank you for pasting TaraMaidens post. It IS very good and I hadnt seen it. I do need to challenge myself more. But maybe I am actually happy to bumble on for now? Maybe letting my hair down and being a bit lazy is what, subcosciously, is best for me right now. I do hate the nights in though, and yes, sitting on a sofa with her was so great, laughing at Question Time and sticking my hand on her side of the sofa just as she was sitting down, stupid sh*t like that that we enjoyed. Anyone else will probably think I am mental. But that has gone and I just need to amuse myself right now. Knitting seems popular, maybe I should try that?! Take care T
LostInLA Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Why not try knitting?! Haha! It's really easy and then if you get really good you can try harder techniques.
mickleb Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Don't think you're mental, one bit, Tauch. I wish I had a hand to sit on tonight! (Oo - sounds wrong, now I've said it out loud..!) x
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