amirpc Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Wow The worst part is that if there is one women out there willing to say it, that means there are a whole hell of a lot more women who are out there willing to take complete control of another human beings life. If you do this you should go to jail, in my book.
BCCA Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 The worst part is that if there is one women out there willing to say it, that means there are a whole hell of a lot more women who are out there willing to take complete control of another human beings life. If you do this you should go to jail, in my book. How unfair and selfish can you possibly be? 'He doesnt want kids? Well, too bad, I'll make him a dad anyway'. Downright disgusting. And to make matters worse, Im sure the woman who said that actually thinks this guy is going to magically change his mind and want kids because she got pregnant. Wrong, so very, very wrong. He'll be unhappy, leave/cheat, and the kid will be raised by one parent. I honestly cant believe anyone could think of doing that, let alone recomend doing it to others. Good god...
Author redant Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 Someone I know suggested I hold him down/in!! Haha
amirpc Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I honestly cant believe anyone could think of doing that, let alone recomend doing it to others. Good god... Congratulations to my hypothetical future girlfriend(s) for having to endure rampant paranoia and random spot checks of her birth control!
BCCA Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Congratulations to my hypothetical future girlfriend(s) for having to endure rampant paranoia and random spot checks of her birth control! Ditto. You better believe I'm going to make good and sure nobody gets pregnant, and Im going to be forever leery of any gf that starts things up with me. Someone I know suggested I hold him down/in!! Haha General rule of thumb, forcing people to do things they dont want to usually leads to dissapointing results.
Pink Cupcakes Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Someone I know suggested I hold him down/in!! Haha Oh, so do you use the pull-out method? There are lots of unplanned pregnancies and the guy ends up feeling it was the best blessing of his life. if he doesn't, you can do a wonderful job and give the child the same love as two parents. As a result of divorce (due to my dad cheating on my mom with several women), I was raised by my mom and I'm so glad it turned out that way. I couldn't have had a better childhood with two parents.
BCCA Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Oh, so do you use the pull-out method? There are lots of unplanned pregnancies and the guy ends up feeling it was the best blessing of his life. if he doesn't, you can do a wonderful job and give the child the same love as two parents. As a result of divorce (due to my dad cheating on my mom with several women), I was raised by my mom and I'm so glad it turned out that way. I couldn't have had a better childhood with two parents. Youre misunderstanding the point. Its not up to you to decide that you two should have a baby, he NEEDS to have a say in it. You are advocating not giving him a choice, and using trickery to get your way, and hoping he completely changes his mind. I have to think there is at LEAST an equal, if not higher, percent of guys who dont think accidental pregnancies were a great blessing (2 buddies with ex wives/kids come to mind). Its not your place to decide hes ready for kids, and trick him into it. Thats completely, and utterly terrible. Its so selfish I cant believe you even mention it. And as someone who was raised by a single mom, who struggled to put food on the table and cloths on our backs, while we lived in low income neighborhoods, I would have to disagree that being raised by one parent is all that great. Besides, again, thats not the point here. Its the fact that you want to control another human's life for your own benefit that makes this idea so wrong.
amirpc Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Youre misunderstanding the point. I think you might be wasting your energy here, I don't know that she's capable of seeing the point. Someone THAT ignorant really probably is hopeless. The bad part is that she's spreading the crazy.
aerogurl87 Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 Thanks I just need to hear some wise words. Makes sense! Yea I've discussed it all. We live together. But I see what you mean that it's the last chapter of life. We are in our late 30's yet he feels or thinks he's young it seems. I'm sorry but if you're in you late 30s and live together then I don't think it's too early to be discussing babies and marriage after a year. In my opinion if a guy can decide he wants me to move in and play his faux wife for awhile, then he should know that sooner or later this topic is going to come up. Maybe for men, it's ok to play house for awhile, but for most women especially ones looking for marriage and kids, after awhile they want to know what's going to happen in the near future. This is why I plan to never move in with a guy before he proposes to me. So OP I think you were right to bring up that conversation, maybe not in the manner you did, but still right nonetheless.
BCCA Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 I'm sorry but if you're in you late 30s and live together then I don't think it's too early to be discussing babies and marriage after a year. In my opinion if a guy can decide he wants me to move in and play his faux wife for awhile, then he should know that sooner or later this topic is going to come up. Maybe for men, it's ok to play house for awhile, but for most women especially ones looking for marriage and kids, after awhile they want to know what's going to happen in the near future. This is why I plan to never move in with a guy before he proposes to me. So OP I think you were right to bring up that conversation, maybe not in the manner you did, but still right nonetheless. You can ask him if he sees a future, thats fine. I would only discuss children as a pre-requisite for getting engaged, though. Also, you have to be willing to accept that he could very well see a future together, but feel its too soon to actually propose, or set any dates. Its up to you at that point to decide if its worth the risk of waiting. It sounds to me, though, that this guy has made it clear he doesnt want kids, but the OP seems to be exploring ways to change his mind. If he said he doesnt want kids, is in his late 30's, and broke up with his ex b/c she wanted kids...guess what? HE DOES NOT WANT KIDS! Getting pregnant under those circumstances, especially through deception, is not the answer to changing his mind. If thats a dealbreaker, they are just incompatible.
aerogurl87 Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 BCCA I agree with most of what you said, especially about the children aspect. You can't change a person's mind on whether or not they want children and if you try to get them through deception then you'll only drive them away and end up miserable in the end whether they stay or not. But I think if you ask your SO to move in and you know they want marriage, then it should'nt come as a shock when the topic comes up. Like I said I don't ever plan on moving in with anyone I'm dating unless they've proposed to me and we have a set date in mind. But that's just personal preference. And haha I thought of trying to get my ex best friend to get me pregnant by inserting little holes into the condoms, but I never carried out the idea because I knew it was selfish and wrong on every level. But the thought did cross my mind I must say...
BCCA Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 But I think if you ask your SO to move in and you know they want marriage, then it should'nt come as a shock when the topic comes up. 100% agree, and I think that every 6 months or so, you should check on where your partner sees things going. Like with any topic you bring up, however, you have to be willing to handle the response you get. In this case, I think its pretty clear where this guy stands on having children, and he doesnt seem to be in a hurry to get married, either. His priorities are elsewhere, the OP needs to decide what she wants to do about that. Like I said I don't ever plan on moving in with anyone I'm dating unless they've proposed to me and we have a set date in mind. After going through the madness of splitting things when your live in gf leaves you, I am TOTALLY on board with this! I think that its better to wait and make sure this is the one youre marrying before intertwining so much of your life. It really was a royal pain to split things, I didnt want to be in the apartment any more, and in hindsight, I shouldnt have done it. I thought of trying to get my ex best friend to get me pregnant by inserting little holes into the condoms, but I never carried out the idea because I knew it was selfish and wrong on every level. But the thought did cross my mind I must say... Scary. Like amirpc said earlier, if one woman was willing to say it, a lot more were thinking it. I couldn't even live with myself if I ever did anything like that, and I cant believe that anyone would think of considering that a 'good call', but to each their own, I suppose. It's the equivilant of locking someone in a cage so they cant leave you.
aerogurl87 Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 Scary. Like amirpc said earlier, if one woman was willing to say it, a lot more were thinking it. I couldn't even live with myself if I ever did anything like that, and I cant believe that anyone would think of considering that a 'good call', but to each their own, I suppose. It's the equivilant of locking someone in a cage so they cant leave you. Haha it was only like a little silly daydream, not something I'd really do. Kind of like when people daydream about cussing out their boss and quitting, but know they wouldn't really do that in reality. And I'd never tell someone to do that since that's probably the most inconsiderate and selfish thing you could do to someone else.
BCCA Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 Haha it was only like a little silly daydream, not something I'd really do. Kind of like when people daydream about cussing out their boss and quitting, but know they wouldn't really do that in reality. And I'd never tell someone to do that since that's probably the most inconsiderate and selfish thing you could do to someone else. Its just frightening as a guy that it would even be brought up openly in such a manner. I'm going to be so paranoid the next few times I have sex, I might be faking the orgasims lol I can remember a few girls that were FWB saying they were on the pill before, but I always used condoms anyway. I wonder if any of them were lying lol
aerogurl87 Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 Its just frightening as a guy that it would even be brought up openly in such a manner. I'm going to be so paranoid the next few times I have sex, I might be faking the orgasims lol I can remember a few girls that were FWB saying they were on the pill before, but I always used condoms anyway. I wonder if any of them were lying lol Lol well you can never be too careful. I know my boyfriend is scared to death of getting me pregnant so we always use condoms no matter what. And if the condom breaks the pharmacy is right down the road where we can pick up the Plan B pill. Because now that I'm 100% sure I don't want children, I think I'm about as afraid of him getting me pregnant as he is, lol. But when I had thought about my ex best friend getting me pregnant I was about 2 years younger, more naive, and very bored. But even then I knew that was a bad idea as tempting as it did seem at the time.
BCCA Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 Kids are such a huge responsibility and life changing event, I dont think I want them, either. I've always been honest with the girls I've dated; Its just not even an option at this point. I use condoms, or know for sure shes on the pill, and I've boughten my share of Plan B pills. I'm not opposed to abortion, either, but thats a can worms Im not opening...
aerogurl87 Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 Yeah my boyfriend was very upfront about not wanting children ever and I'm glad he was because I don't want them I've decided. It's not because I lack that maternal instinct of wanting to care for someone, but I don't see myself waking up at 3am to change a diaper or feed some screaming infant. I enjoy the freedom that comes with being childless and it's something I'd never want to give up, so forcing a child on someone would be definitely a big NO in my book. I know I wouldn't want someone to do it to me, so I wouldn't do it to someone else either. But I guess some women get so desperate to start a family, they'll do anything and those are the ones you have to watch out for I guess.
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