LovieDove24 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I have been seeing a guy for three months now and we have something that is very different than any other relationship I've been in in the past. Everything is just easy, safe and I feel like I just know it's right. A few nights ago I was on a bridal website looking at dresses just thinking what if?? Drunkenly I told him what I was doing and he just laughed saying "The idea of spending the rest of my life with you makes me smile." I'm 25, he's 29, I have a 1 1/2 year old daughter and he has a four year old daughter. We have not been stupid or immature about this by moving too fast or anything...he didn't even kiss me until our fourth date and we just had sex for the first time two weeks ago. The thing is I love him and he loves me, but is it normal for us both to discuss these things so early? I think we both see us getting married in the future...
Brady_to_Moss Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 If the girl i was dating brought up marriage after 3 months....i am out like a fat kid in dodgeball. Thats moving SUPER fast and considering how many marriages fail, i think its due to getting married sooner than they should. Have you only known this person for 3 months? Or years?
amirpc Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I have been seeing a guy for three months now and we have something that is very different than any other relationship I've been in in the past. Everything is just easy, safe and I feel like I just know it's right. A few nights ago I was on a bridal website looking at dresses just thinking what if?? Drunkenly I told him what I was doing and he just laughed saying "The idea of spending the rest of my life with you makes me smile." I'm 25, he's 29, I have a 1 1/2 year old daughter and he has a four year old daughter. We have not been stupid or immature about this by moving too fast or anything...he didn't even kiss me until our fourth date and we just had sex for the first time two weeks ago. The thing is I love him and he loves me, but is it normal for us both to discuss these things so early? I think we both see us getting married in the future... It is too early, I know exactly how you feel though. My last relationship I thought I was going to marry her about 10 weeks in, there was no way it couldn't work. Then she moved in, we started to REALLY learn about each other...fast forward 6 months we're broken up. You just don't know enough about a person that quickly. Even though it FEELS like it is so perfect, and you can't ever find anyone better...you really don't know each other entirely. Another thing to be wary of is placing that kind of pressure upon a relationship so quickly can actually cause it to fail. The stakes go up so fast that what would normally just be speed bumps in a new relationship seem like REALLY big deals. Everything becomes so much more serious.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I have been seeing a guy for three months now and we have something that is very different than any other relationship I've been in in the past. Everything is just easy, safe and I feel like I just know it's right. A few nights ago I was on a bridal website looking at dresses just thinking what if?? Drunkenly I told him what I was doing and he just laughed saying "The idea of spending the rest of my life with you makes me smile." I'm 25, he's 29, I have a 1 1/2 year old daughter and he has a four year old daughter. We have not been stupid or immature about this by moving too fast or anything...he didn't even kiss me until our fourth date and we just had sex for the first time two weeks ago. The thing is I love him and he loves me, but is it normal for us both to discuss these things so early? I think we both see us getting married in the future... Your crazy! If you try to marry a guy just because it feels easy and safe... WTH? When you are filing for divorce in 10 years whining... I never felt that attracted to him... there was NEVER any passion... remember this post! Easy and safe?... Ugh!!
prettybaby Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I understand the feeling, because I've been through the same. But the thing is: you need to realize that how you're feeling at the 3 month mark, may be a completely different story in 6 months to a year. That's what I always told myself even when I felt like it was just right from the start. So far, we're hitting the one year mark soon, and I'm still as confident that he is the one. However, I would not jump into marriage so quickly, even if it feels so right. Because it does take time to get to know someone well enough. So while it's nice to be on a little cloud and daydream about marriage, you need to keep a little space in your mind that realizes it's best to take it slow and see how your relationship unfolds before you sign up for such a big commitment. Especially since there are children involved. There really is a honeymoon phase, and it's going to take a few more months, or maybe even a little over a year for it to fade.
mammax3 Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 That's awesome that you're in the romantic "in love" part of your relationship. Unfortunately, as the relationship matures (more than 3 months) that "in love" part will change to the work part of a relationship when it's not so easy (maybe still safe). Even within a fantastic relationship where it's close, passionate and intimate, challenges still occur and it's these times when you see whether you could marry someone. It's fun and easy to imagine marriage when it's all sunshine and rainbows, but that's unrealistic and a fantasy. I say enjoy this part of the relationship. It's warm, fun, sexy, thrilling and whatever else. Especially because there's children involved, I'd suggest holding off on any major decisions right now
Rudderless Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 It depends how confident you are in your judgement. You are 25 with a child, I would suggest your judgement is probably quite well developed by now.
aerogurl87 Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 If the girl i was dating brought up marriage after 3 months....i am out like a fat kid in dodgeball. Lol at that quote. :laugh: But seriously, 3 months is too early as I've learned from experience. With my ex I felt like he was the "one" after about 2 months of being together and apparently so did he since we started talking marriage and moving in together possibly soon. Well fast forward 3 months later and I saw who he really was and as a result we're no longer together. The moral? It may seem right now because everything is going oh so perfectly, but I don't think it's good to start talking marriage until you've had at least one big argument. For some reason you learn alot about people when you disagree with them. And I think I learned more from my boyfriend in those 2 days that we argued than I did in the first 5 months of us being together.
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 I don't think it's good to start talking marriage until you've had at least one big argument. For some reason you learn alot about people when you disagree with them. Bingo. And PAY ATTENTION to what your gut tells you about that person after/during said argument. Don't let eyes get in the way. How you two handle conflict says a whole heck of a lot. If you are drawn CLOSER after said conflict is resolved, that's a good sign. But if ANY part of you is hesitant because of the argument, take your time and look out for the red flags.
Malenfant Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 I dont think its massively unusual to be having these thoughts so early, especially as you're in the honeymoon period of the start of the relationship. Its great that your relationship has started off so well, and unlike another poster I totally get your feelings about everything being easy and safe. you probably (like me and most people) have had previous relationships where theres always something that you have to address, something to get over, some sort of big problem. Realistically, although you will no doubt face problems now and then, there are people who fit like a glove and dont really have any big problems. Obviously you're not going to get their opinions on this site!! people only come here for advice when things go wrong so remember that people here are more than likely to be on the cynical side. What I really think is that its lovely that you both feel this way, and theres nothing stopping you from thinking about marriage, but best to leave engagement until at least a year, generally with a view to getting married 2 years after. enjoy each other and take each day as it comes.
Author LovieDove24 Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 I dont think its massively unusual to be having these thoughts so early, especially as you're in the honeymoon period of the start of the relationship. Its great that your relationship has started off so well, and unlike another poster I totally get your feelings about everything being easy and safe. you probably (like me and most people) have had previous relationships where theres always something that you have to address, something to get over, some sort of big problem. Realistically, although you will no doubt face problems now and then, there are people who fit like a glove and dont really have any big problems. Obviously you're not going to get their opinions on this site!! people only come here for advice when things go wrong so remember that people here are more than likely to be on the cynical side. What I really think is that its lovely that you both feel this way, and theres nothing stopping you from thinking about marriage, but best to leave engagement until at least a year, generally with a view to getting married 2 years after. enjoy each other and take each day as it comes. Yeah I think you are the only one who didn't talk to me like I'm an ignorant idiot for feeling this way. I thought this was a supportive website, maybe not. NOWHERE I repeat nowhere did I say we actually had a discussion about getting married. No rings, no proposals so chill out ya'll. Anyways, you are SO right about having been in previous relationships where there was always something that just seemed a bit off, or was some type of obstacle. We already had our first disagreement and it wasn't awful. I am not saying we will walk down the aisle anytime soon, just that sometimes you just can feel when it's right...or at least right-er than any other relationship.
bean1 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Most people are going to tell you that you are crazy for thinking that. I know they said the same thing to me! Anyways, for ME, years later and happier than ever (with the house, baby, and doggie to boot), they were wrong. You are both not teenagers anymore and you are both parents, you aren't the same as the lovelorn teens who don't know the realities of adult life. Enjoy it and run with it. You don't have to get legally married right now. There is nothing wrong with feeling it. Even 30 years down the line, it could all go to hell. Heck, you could be hit by a bus crossing the street tomorrow. So just have fun and be positive. Oh, and for all those who said I was crazy (and likely the same ones who say you are crazy), they didn't exactly have the greatest track record. It's the bitter people that tend to make themselves heard the most.
allina Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 While I don't think pressuring someone in to marriage after 3 months is a wise idea, I don't think that toying with the idea is a problem. It sounds like you're really happy with him and see a possible future I have never been very marriage oriented but after a few months with my now fiance we both KNEW we would get married one day, we knew this was IT, sometimes you just know.
ruthe1 Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 (edited) LovieDove, DO NOT read this if you do not want to become angry. I'm in a pissy mood and you will not like what I have to say. All my points are valid, just said in a that will show I am clearly upset with something else right now. It's all cool that you feel this connection three months in. No marriage or long term relationship starts off without these "safe" and "easy" feelings. However, marriage should NOT even be mentioned. Think of all the situations you have yet to be in. Sharing expenses, sharing responsibility with anything, living together. Have you talked about your faults with him, and vice versa? You have a long way to go. But.....GOOD LUCK. Hopefully it remains safe and easy when you have to start cleaning up after each other, sharing responsibilities, and the long list of things you have yet to experience. The biggest challenge I see is having two kids in the situation already. Not only do you have to think about your relationship, but the relationship your two kids will have with each other. Just another hurdle. Hopefully their equally cute. Edited November 3, 2009 by ruthe1
Author LovieDove24 Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 LovieDove, DO NOT read this if you do not want to become angry. I'm in a pissy mood and you will not like what I have to say. All my points are valid, just said in a that will show I am clearly upset with something else right now. It's all cool that you feel this connection three months in. No marriage or long term relationship starts off without these "safe" and "easy" feelings. However, marriage should NOT even be mentioned. Think of all the situations you have yet to be in. Sharing expenses, sharing responsibility with anything, living together. Have you talked about your faults with him, and vice versa? You have a long way to go. But.....GOOD LUCK. Hopefully it remains safe and easy when you have to start cleaning up after each other, sharing responsibilities, and the long list of things you have yet to experience. The biggest challenge I see is having two kids in the situation already. Not only do you have to think about your relationship, but the relationship your two kids will have with each other. Just another hurdle. Hopefully their equally cute. Ha this was laughable. Not that you didnt make some valid points, of course im in la la land right now but...yes clearly you are in a pissy mood, thanks for the heads up.
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