bluestraps Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I cant get the paragraphs to seperate , this may be hard to read . sorry I feel that when you are comfortable with a person and you share so many good memories all the hollidays . the things you shared , the little nuances of your conection and you truly are still loving the person It is so hard to give up. I just was cheated on and dumped about 5 weeks ago. I was told by her over the phone the next day after the cheating happened. The guy was one of my best friends of 18 years, or so I thought. Its bad enough when you dont know what the ex is doing but I do know with some certanty whats going on Because I know how my friend lives. And I know how my ex is. I still dont know the details of how this started, but only it was in a matter of days I believe that the decision was made by her to do this , But I cant get over the fact that he went along with it. He either told her something tha made her think it would be a good idea to split with me for him or what he did. Its mostly conjecture right now. This friend of mine was part of a group of friends i ve had since about 1990 so I never expected for him to do this. we did allot togther over the years before my ex and I met.She was also friends with him and I guess they got closer over the last couple months. I feel so guilty now because I feel like I kind of brought them togther. My ex and I would go to visit him sometimes over the last 2 years or so . She developed some kind of small crush on him . But Some things started to change .There were a few times where she wanted to kiss him on the cheek or give him a hug "Just as Friends" and he actualy did not feel comfortable with thatAnd i knew it .The main thing is that he actualy told me after when i confronted him "that he is girl crazy". See he had been maried before and its been many years since hes been with a woman so I guess in a way I cant blame him. But thats not the way I do things I still believe that friends exes are off limits SO i dont know if he realy loves her or is still thinking its just for the " benefits". we all know it takes time for real love Aparently she told him we already had broken up . Which we didnt oficialy because I had no idea it was happening And He was dumb enough to think i would do nothing to stop it. He knows me and he knows some of the situations we were in He, I think knew exactly what he was doing.I thought it was just like a brotherly thing. He said a couple of times he thought of her as a sister. And I really trusted him .I would say I still cant believe it and I dont see for the life of me, what he was thinking .They are togther. she is staying at his place most of the time now. I had tried to talk to him and I had been trying to figure out when to do it . I finaly caled him at 2 in the morning last week .Unbeknonst to me she was there . He was cool with my call ,But she was not. NC was broken by her by calling me to give me hell. She called me back and left me a mean message, she was mad. She called a bunch of times as I could not hear the phone ring . And I called her back telling her she is out of line.I have so much anger because of my situation. Its really bad , Its like i lost a lover and a friend and a friend So its like three peoplePlus A friend of mine and his wife are getting a divorce.We were both friends with them and were close to their Kids. I think the changes in our lives affected her more than I thought .How long does it take to get over ?? this is the longest one ive been in. I cant seem to let her go There is NC except for once. I still think she loves me but she does this because she tries to get away when we have problems. I should say my EX has controled depression. And she often does things impulsively . We've had a loving and great but sometimes tough relationship.I dont even really think she truly loves him , because they are too different .So I even now am thinking of confronting him to find out just what he did or what he said or what she did or said.I know her too well .... We did have a few minor lingering issues. We lived seperate the whole time we were togther . I hadent asked her to marry me yet because i went back to school one year 1/2 ago since the bad economy started And was going to wait just alittle longer to ask her. Her excuse is that she was tired of wating for me to comit.Where this is dumb because She knew I wanted to eventualy get married. Now she ruined our relationship. And my friend ruined it , and my friends and I relationship is ruined and I thought the three of us had a good friendship between us.ANd If they dont stay togther then their friendship is ruined I wonder if I need professional help , I get very angry, mainly at him. And I am still figuring out how to stop the relationship .Because I believe this will be a disaster for her . This guy was a friend but he has some issues . She is much better than he deserves. He's not as smart, hes not compatible with her at all .I know this woman like the back of my hand. For some reason she feels sory for him , and At some point shes going to realize that she does not love him .I can get over alot because for some reason I can forgive easily. I would take her back in a minute. can some one tell me why this is so wrong .. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
Space Ritual Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Dude I know its hard but you gotta man up and move on 5 weeks? I suggest you really implant that NC in your mind. And do not even think about taking her back. Dear lord, you want this trollop to do this to you again? she is not worth it. Your friend was never a friend, buddy. You should be mad of course, but don't worry for I am sure their relationship will eventually fall apart. She is looking for another sucker and she found one. I had a similar situation to you, except I had the unwanted fun of catching them in the act of having sex in my home. And that was 3 weeks before I was to marry this tramp. Look, she is this guy's problem now. Becuase she will do the same thging to him. Once a cheater..always a cheater. SHE IS NOT BETTER THAN HE DESERVES! THEY DESERVE EACH OTHER! Get that thinking out of your head. She cheated on you and dumped you! She is deserving of nothing but your contempt!
AAlike Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 It is very common for people that have been cheated on, especially in a relationship that otherwise seems to be going well, to want to simply "forgive and forget" in hopes that things will simply go back to the way that they were before the breach of trust. some even blame themselves - "well if she did this I must not have been making her happy, I'll be a better BF and she won't do it again" etc. etc. The problem with this is that, whether you realize it or not, she will always be a changed person in your mind and heart - she will never just be the girl that you love...there will always be an asterisk next to that love. and since she will never be able to occupy that same place in your heart, the relationship will never be like it was. in most cases, it renders the relationship unsalvagable. and I would argue that even those that are able to withstand the cheating still become less-than-ideal, complacent-at-best types of relationships fueled more by fear of being alone than actual love.
seibert253 Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 Well at least now you know the truth. 1. Your "friend" never was one 2. Your ex is a wh#re You deserve better on both fronts
mark982 Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 i'm not sure what hurts worse,your wife cheating or your friend deciving you. i caught a family member "doing " my ex, so i can relate. stay strong my friend, my heart goes out to you.
Author bluestraps Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 Thanks for all the advice.. I have begun to feel invincible because she keeps making the same mistakes She always thinks she found someone better. I seem always to get her back because Its never what she thinks its going to be . And I actualy expect the same thing again , maybe. It depends on how long it is. Of course I left out the fact that she did this two other times The first time was with a other friend about a year into our relationship, She quickly changed her mind I basicaly scared him away he's long gone. And then with someone in 2005. I confronted him and he felt he made a mistake . She felt he used her and in fact it took some time for her to get over that. And we broke very briefly in 2002 because she thought fell for some other guy but with that guy there was no physical relationship. And it was short and was a disaster . Not that i'm making excuses for her, but she claims they have more in common than her and I did . I'll hand it to her shes always one step ahead of me. I know what thoes things are, and to me its kind of wierd . We really got along well And liked doing the same things. It would be hard to fake it for 10 years. This time is different . I am realy angry and that anger is actualy worse than the idea of her cheating
Author bluestraps Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 Reply to self . After 11 weeks . nothing has changed.
TaraMaiden Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 reply to you: Then change it yourself. Insanity is repeating the same cr*p over and over again, and expecting a different result. Do something - but change whatever you need to change.
Bryanp Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 It is amazing that you allow to continue to cheat on you, humiliate and disrespect you and then you take her back. Her actions indicate that she has no respect for you whatsoever. If you take her back again then you deserve what will happen to you again. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
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