confused_me7 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 (edited) Hey all.. new here! First time posting.. and need advice on long distance "friendship" (or flirting lol) So I have known this guy for a few years - he's from South Africa. I have never met this guy, met him online and have been talking to him for more than 5 years! (((Ask me if you need more info!!!))) We have both figured out that we have mutual feelings and want a future together. I like him a lot and he feels the same! We have talked about love and our life together - the future, the "if were to get married" kinda thing you know - but we aren't dating. I don't know where we stand. And the more I talk to him the more I want to be with him, am I crazy? We talk about everything and lately we have been talking about more personal stuff as sex and what we want in terms of sex and the sort. Sometimes he wouldn't stop talking about how much he wants me sexually and the things he wants me to do to his .......... and vice versa. I get really weirded out by it. I mean we are both adults and not virgins. But still it makes me feel awkward and I try to tell him to change the topic and it turns into a heated argument. And then he goes off about how if we were dating or married that it would be so hard for him to get me to bed cus I am so adament and blah blah blah. And we argue and it's usually me going off lol. And the next day everything is back to normal. He doesn't hold grudges against me and I appreciate it more and more everyday and we haven't argued in a long while now!!! He doesn't get mad. I guess I am short tempered but we both take each other for who we are. And yes I know I should be more tolerant but I don't know why I get so disgusted (for lack of better words) by the whole sexual fantasy talk. I trust him a lot and I know if we were to start our long term relationship, he would faithful. But is it normal for me to be all awkward about when he talks sexually? Am I crazy? I want to ask him where we stand and what we are but I am scared that he might think I am pushing it or going too fast. I am confused and I want to know why I am like this lol. Am I the only one to be in a situation like this? Hopefully not, cus that would be weird lol. Thanks in advance for helping me!!!!! Edited October 30, 2009 by confused_me7
torranceshipman Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I'm not surprised you feel weirded out...I mean, you never see eachother, only chat online and when you do (without any prior R foundation), you have online sex, then he gets pissed at you for not wanting to do it. I know LDR's can require some creativity, lol...however, I am concerned that he is all about talking about marriage, then wants you to talk in a sexual way that you are uncomfortable with....that' not too respectful! Are you sure he is really into the whole R thing and doesn't just want to go down the naughty webcam chat route?? He may well by really into you though, but if that is the case, this needs a plan for you both to get together and date properly - do you have any plans to move? If not, maybe best to treat this as a bit of fun only...
Lucky_One Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Sounds like he is looking for cyber - and not much else.
Rollercoasterr Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 Seems kind of weird for him to be like this when you've never met. For the first 5 years that I knew Mathew I think he was afraid to even mention the word "sex" because he thought I'd think he was a pervert. But now he knows that I'm crazy about bedroom playtime! But yeah, he seems a little "off" for being like this when you've never met.
Author confused_me7 Posted October 31, 2009 Author Posted October 31, 2009 Thanks for the quick replies guys! torranceshipman - even I sometimes think it's a little disrespectful and I have told him that and he always replies by saying I am being unfair. I mean yes we flirt a lot and talk naughty and sometimes it makes me feel real uncomfortable.. maybe he thinks that since I have sometimes talked naughty, that I might be up for it all the time. And sometimes I feel I am too harsh on him, after all it's all fun and play. I guess I think too much into it. I will move if there will be a relationship. He is moving to Europe for work, so maybe I will go visit him or something, if something happens between us. Lucky_One - he could be but it's hard to think that way, I mean he has never actually been naked or asked me to strip or the sort on webcam lol.. he's all words. I don't wanna sound like I am defending him but I guess it's hard to tell since I have never met him! Rollercoasterr - is it possible that he's just craving sex? Maybe I am too harsh on him, I mean if I was sexually tensed then I would wanna do the same just not that extreme. I wanna scream!!!!! It might seem like I am confused about this whole situation and yes I am. It's just that I don't know where we both stand and I am not used to talking sexually, in the way he desires, with someone I am not dating. I wrote him a long ass email about my feelings today (a whopping 1100 words lol).. and I am just waiting for the reply. At the same time I now feel like a fool for pouring my heart out. I am a little scared and nervous. Let's see what happens next. Maybe I even answered my own questions here lol. Yes as my name states, I am a confused being. Thanks for the help guys!
carvidep Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 It might seem like I am confused about this whole situation and yes I am. It's just that I don't know where we both stand and I am not used to talking sexually, in the way he desires, with someone I am not dating. I read your post a couple of times but didn't take the time to reply. (sorry!!). But you just wrote exactly what I wanted to say. You seem to see sex as a very special thing that people do when they honestly, truly, and deeply care about each other, and know each other inside and out. So there's nothing wrong with being uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable for a reason. Stand your ground and make sure that he respects your opinions and decisions. I hope he responds well to your e-mail. think only good can come from you telling him what's goin' on in your head. *hug!*
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