onewillburn Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I've made a couple long threads that got no responses, so I'll keep it short. Basically I am having real trouble moving on. My life is at rock bottom, while hers seems to get better and better. I feel extremely inferior right now and I have nobody to talk to. I've tried to talk to family members, but they just give me the ol' "Oh suck it up" which is exactly what I'm having trouble doing! I feel sick and weak and I can't control it. I was not like this at all for the first few months, but I think it's safe to say I was in denial. This relationship was my livelihood for a while. I have no friends right now, literally none. My closest friends have moved for away (one is travelling right now and will be back in December) and I've had a hard time making new friends. I have literally no desire to go out and party. I just feel sick and down and inadequate. It's been five months after the break up, and about 15 days NC. I'm so hurt. I...just don't know what to do. I don't even want her back. I feel like I'm living in a nightmare right now. What are some good techniques for moving on? I try to keep busy, but it's so hard and depressing living at home again. I hope the interview works out (it's in a few hours) and I can get on my feet soon. I feel so broken and sad it's unbelievable. Christ...
rp123 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I've made a couple long threads that got no responses, so I'll keep it short. Basically I am having real trouble moving on. My life is at rock bottom, while hers seems to get better and better. I feel extremely inferior right now and I have nobody to talk to. I've tried to talk to family members, but they just give me the ol' "Oh suck it up" which is exactly what I'm having trouble doing! I feel sick and weak and I can't control it. I was not like this at all for the first few months, but I think it's safe to say I was in denial. This relationship was my livelihood for a while. I have no friends right now, literally none. My closest friends have moved for away (one is travelling right now and will be back in December) and I've had a hard time making new friends. I have literally no desire to go out and party. I just feel sick and down and inadequate. It's been five months after the break up, and about 15 days NC. I'm so hurt. I...just don't know what to do. I don't even want her back. I feel like I'm living in a nightmare right now. What are some good techniques for moving on? I try to keep busy, but it's so hard and depressing living at home again. I hope the interview works out (it's in a few hours) and I can get on my feet soon. I feel so broken and sad it's unbelievable. Christ... Sorry that you feel so bad. Join the club. You'll find plenty of support here. WE are standing by you and sharing your pain...... R.
Limbo21 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Firstly I'm sorry you've not had a response to your other posts. For me the 5months break up is irrelevant. It's the 15 days nc that's important. You have been split from the last time you spoke ... Yes 15 days ago. Don't think about the 5 months bc that will make you think your not making the progress you think you should be making I feel a hypocrite for giving you advice as I don't take me own but as we all know it's easier to advise than to follow You MUST get your self esteem back! Yes she maybe doing good (as mine is) but following NC will take you away from learning anymore hurtful information about her progress. For fear of sounding like a broken record you must fill your day with positives I've been reading improvement books, hypnosis (on a cd and it worked?!) getting into social situations, set goals in the gym, map your moods, post on here, hobbies, bike rides ... Even bloody church and I'm a none believer ... It doesn't matter, your in a bad place and these are tools to help you find yourself. To reaffirm your self worth you can do it! We all can do it. Good luck on the interview
Limbo21 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I just want to bring up another suggestion. I downloaded a digital radio application for my phone to help me leave the house as I've been diagnosed with argophobia, I also can't watch tv or films cos everything visual reminds me of her. Anyway the point I'm trying to make is I've been listening to the comedy channels .... Being bombarded with positive laughs instead of negative silence in your head is actually making me smile. Get yourself a personal radio/headphones. It's a slow process but the positivity will start to do it's work Trust me, give it a whirl, what harm can it do?
ladymistique Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I am sorry too. It sounds like this is very painful for you. I agree with Limbo21 that the 15 days NC is probably what is challenging you most right now. You're doing good work, though, so keep it up! I hope that your interview goes well. A new job or hobby is a great way to take the focus off the ex and into your life, where it belongs. Also, I would suggest self-hypnosis cds/mp3s/videos to get through the loneliness. There are so many free samples out there, google them, ranging from anxiety, to mending a broken heart to confidence and so on. I like it because it relaxes you, defocuses you and gives you positive messages. I dare say, it even works to at least mitigate problem areas. Best of luck and update soon!
AMR Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 thats rough man. sorry to hear it. but like the rest, i agree. its the 15 days of NC that is important. For each day that i avoided contact, i felt a little better. of course there is the occasional trip up, but still. I dont know if its okay to post about other sites, but i found this site shortly after my breakup and it helped me out ALOT. Its called Lovesagame.com. Go to the "breakup recovery" section and go to the last page and just start reading up to the currect articles. (because its the most recent article first). i dont know, maybe that will help. Also, i started reading some books on controlling your thoughts and accepting the past so you can live in the present. good luck man. it gets better. slowly but surely.
adamt Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 join a local gym. you could also join some classes there. take up some hobbies and activities which you will meet people. its hard but sometimes you just have to push yourself a little out of your comfort zone and take small steps each day
Author onewillburn Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 Thank you for the replies and suggestions. I'm honestly going to check out all of them because I need SOMETHING at this point. I just woke up from a nap with an awful feeling of emptiness, but I'll push forward. The listening to comedy thing sounds like a really great idea, Limbo. Adamt, I go to the gym religiously! It's one of my favorite things and one of the few things that keeps me going. I keep a strict food journal/workout routine and am getting close to seeing those abs (unfortunately for my ego, it's winter time lol). EDIT: Oh, and on a positive note, I got the job! But it's for less money than I thought. Still, it's something, and I'll continue to look for something a little better.
Thebob Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I've made a couple long threads that got no responses, so I'll keep it short. Basically I am having real trouble moving on. My life is at rock bottom, while hers seems to get better and better. I feel extremely inferior right now and I have nobody to talk to. I've tried to talk to family members, but they just give me the ol' "Oh suck it up" which is exactly what I'm having trouble doing! I feel sick and weak and I can't control it. I was not like this at all for the first few months, but I think it's safe to say I was in denial. This relationship was my livelihood for a while. I have no friends right now, literally none. My closest friends have moved for away (one is travelling right now and will be back in December) and I've had a hard time making new friends. I have literally no desire to go out and party. I just feel sick and down and inadequate. It's been five months after the break up, and about 15 days NC. I'm so hurt. I...just don't know what to do. I don't even want her back. I feel like I'm living in a nightmare right now. What are some good techniques for moving on? I try to keep busy, but it's so hard and depressing living at home again. I hope the interview works out (it's in a few hours) and I can get on my feet soon. I feel so broken and sad it's unbelievable. Christ... Man i have had no real friends for 6 months, and the girl was everything to me. She was the only one that I talked to. I know exactly what your doing and what your going through. have to stay strong and keep yourself occupied. Don't dread on it, I know its hard since you have a lot of time but don't. I know it sucks and I was doing horrible when I was at your stage. I moved to this new area not knowing hardly anyone. Keep up the hard work and life will change for the better soon enough. Thebob
JaggedRoad Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 I've made a couple long threads that got no responses, so I'll keep it short. Basically I am having real trouble moving on. My life is at rock bottom, while hers seems to get better and better. I feel extremely inferior right now and I have nobody to talk to. I've tried to talk to family members, but they just give me the ol' "Oh suck it up" which is exactly what I'm having trouble doing! I feel sick and weak and I can't control it. I was not like this at all for the first few months, but I think it's safe to say I was in denial. This relationship was my livelihood for a while. I have no friends right now, literally none. My closest friends have moved for away (one is travelling right now and will be back in December) and I've had a hard time making new friends. I have literally no desire to go out and party. I just feel sick and down and inadequate. It's been five months after the break up, and about 15 days NC. I'm so hurt. I...just don't know what to do. I don't even want her back. I feel like I'm living in a nightmare right now. What are some good techniques for moving on? I try to keep busy, but it's so hard and depressing living at home again. I hope the interview works out (it's in a few hours) and I can get on my feet soon. I feel so broken and sad it's unbelievable. Christ... Hey, it'll be ok. I know how it feels. Whatever you do, do not contact your ex. It'll just make things worse each time you do. And don't force yourself to party if that's not what you want to do. It'll only be a temporary relief and you may just crash shortly after. Try to find things that you do want to do just for yourself.
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