MM very intense after 9 days of LC

[ShadesOfGrey]

I'm so utterly confused. Today I returned from a trip where I was not able to speak much to my MM for over a week. He knew I was going, he actually paid for my trip. He knew that I'd be with sister and that he and I would probably not be able to speak very much due to that and a sizeable time zone difference. We did text every day-we missed one another terribly, we had never been apart before.

 

While ours is both an EA and a PA of about a year, we waited until recently to have intercourse. I had held off for a couple of reasons...because we easily expressed our love and satisfied each others needs in other physical ways...but mostly because I was worried about it making an already INTENSE affair just over the top crazy. I don't know if it's the sex or my going away or both that has set this smoldering affair ablaze or what...

 

Tonight's convo was different than normal! Incredibly intense, passionate declarations of love. I was pretty quiet throughout most of this, just listening. He was going on about missing me, never wanting to be without me ever again, and how he is falling deeper and deeper in love with me.

 

None of that is anything new, but what his intensity and what he said (and volunteered) next shook me up a bit. He spoke in depth about how hard he had tried to make his marriage work, what he had done, how he literally has tried to make it right for years without success, and that it was basically a mess. Never once did he badmouth W, as usual, although he did say he suspected something with a male friend of theirs.

 

I have always made it clear that I don't expect him to leave his family. I work for him, he is a respected leader in our community and I've always been 95% happy with my role in his life. Divorcing his wife would have social and career consequences that are more severe than for most...and that scares me. He makes a good deal of money, but has more than a few young kids with her and a gigantic home. He spoke about supporting them in the event of a divorce. Though he didn't get into specifics, I know he would give the house to her and support his children well, spiritually, emotionally and financially and I would want him to should anything ever happen.

 

He was alluding to decisions and choices, as if there IS a choice to be made. I always thought he'd never leave, I never cried to him about it, I never asked him to make a choice. He knew from the beginning that I did not want to break up his family. I never imagined we'd fall in love like this, though. For both of us, it is unlike anything we have ever experienced. In the beginning I told him I wanted to enjoy our time for as long as we had it, and that if I met a man of his caliber that was SINGLE, I'd have to end things. I never allowed myself to think he *might* leave to even know if I want a more permanent future with him...

 

What on Earth is going on??? Is this common for a MM to bring up D when the OW has repeatedly said that was not what she wanted, that she was ok with their present arrangement?? Is it just a side effect of my trip combined with the newness of having sex with an already deep and established love?

 

Please, LS'rs, you are full of great insight and wisdom-both sides of the camp. I know you can shed some light on this! I'm jetlagged, it's 5 AM and my thoughts are still racing...

[jj33]

You better think fast. If you arent sure you want a future with him you better let him know.

 

You also need to think about what your expectations would be if he did leave and you explored a future together. What one accepts in a part time relationship with someone they arent building a future with can be very different from what one expects from a full time life partner.

 

You owe it to yourself and to him to look at this very seriously and have the tough discussions.

 

xMM talked about leaving after it ended and he went back and forth about it. I had much the same viewpoint as you did - nothing to do with me, its up to you to decide if you want to leave or not. In retrospect I think I wanted to avoid responsibility,

 

Who knows if things would have been different if I had taken more of a stand.

 

So its not unusual for them to bring it up - also because its their idea there is no ultimatum etc. Obviously he loves you very much. You owe it to him and to yourself to decide what you want.

[1Angel]

Are you sure he's not insecure and or has abandonment issues and that he's not exaggerating to be sure you aren't leaving the relationship?

[ShadesOfGrey]

You better think fast. If you arent sure you want a future with him you better let him know.

 

You also need to think about what your expectations would be if he did leave and you explored a future together. What one accepts in a part time relationship with someone they arent building a future with can be very different from what one expects from a full time life partner.

 

You owe it to yourself and to him to look at this very seriously and have the tough discussions.

 

xMM talked about leaving after it ended and he went back and forth about it. I had much the same viewpoint as you did - nothing to do with me, its up to you to decide if you want to leave or not. In retrospect I think I wanted to avoid responsibility,

 

Who knows if things would have been different if I had taken more of a stand.

 

So its not unusual for them to bring it up - also because its their idea there is no ultimatum etc. Obviously he loves you very much. You owe it to him and to yourself to decide what you want.

 

Thank you for your reply JJ. I think it DOES come down to me wanting to avoid responsibility. This type of relationship is so different-there is so much more at stake than with two single people. I've never been in this situation before...and I'm probably a bit more than naive. When I was the BS, the OW "got" him. They are due to marry next fall. I know he loves her...so I've seen it happen. But...there were no kids, no risking a public position in which an entire community leans on...nothing to lose really, but me.

 

I think MM is trying to figure out what *I* want. I just don't know that I want to allow myself to consider us being together...it seems even when MM talk about leaving, they rarely do. Things change if the A is exposed, though I am not at all sure he wants the A exposed...or to just D based on their decade-long marital issues.

 

About all I know is that I love him in the context of what we have...I don't know anything else. We both feel we were made for the other...the connection is insane. I just never allowed myself to think, "what if?" At the same time, I cannot imagine life without him.

 

I'm feeling really, really naive and vulnerable at the moment. I think I am just now realizing the extent of the pain that is sure to come...to someone at least. In all likelihood it will be me, despite what he says now

[ShadesOfGrey]

Are you sure he's not insecure and or has abandonment issues and that he's not exaggerating to be sure you aren't leaving the relationship?

 

I don't think he has many emotional issues at all. He is the most stable, level-headed and level-hearted person I have ever met. To be fair though, it often takes many intimate years with someone for some of the deep-rooted stuff to become apparent...

 

I have only been with him a year, but he has not demonstrated any type of insecurity or abandonment issues. His parents never divorced, he's married just once and he has warm and loving relationships with all his kids. Our community adores this man, and with good reason

[torranceshipman]

It sounds very similar to stories that I've read on LS before. He must have been deeply in love with his W to marry her, make a life with her, and have multiple children with her...so he has been deeply in love before. I'm not saying that to be mean, I'm just saying, try to guard your heart...you sound completely smitten, plus he is your boss so you are in deep right now. If it was a single guy I'd say really enjoy this heady stage, but he is MARRIED!

 

He can tell you are falling in love with him, and he is caught up in that heady infatuation of an exciting new R that has just become physical...what he says about his life and family are normal for a MM-those kinds of comments are said on this board quite a lot, and sometimes they turn out to be insincere. Maybe he is 100% genuine - I'm not saying he isn't, but by the same token, be careful...

[jj33]

Shades you may think its more difficult for him to divorce than it was for you, but you are not him.

 

I agree with Torrance. You need to protect your heart but you know that. You arent even willing to entertain the idea of being with him.

 

Is that because you dont want him ft? Or because you are afraid of being heart broken.

 

Speaking from experience the heart break will come if its coming. So you may as well lay your cards on teh table. Is he planning to leave? Just ask him.

[ShadesOfGrey]

It sounds very similar to stories that I've read on LS before. He must have been deeply in love with his W to marry her, make a life with her, and have multiple children with her...so he has been deeply in love before. I'm not saying that to be mean, I'm just saying, try to guard your heart...you sound completely smitten, plus he is your boss so you are in deep right now. If it was a single guy I'd say really enjoy this heady stage, but he is MARRIED!

 

He can tell you are falling in love with him, and he is caught up in that heady infatuation of an exciting new R that has just become physical...what he says about his life and family are normal for a MM-those kinds of comments are said on this board quite a lot, and sometimes they turn out to be insincere. Maybe he is 100% genuine - I'm not saying he isn't, but by the same token, be careful...

 

I've read the same stories...they scare me to death! My ex and I were deeply in love at one time, too. We planned a future together as well, and would have had children together if it were not for male fertility issues. But when he found the fOW, he realized that he never knew what he was missing. My ex and I have stayed in touch these last few years, he will always be a dear friend. I don't hate him for what he "did", he found a deeper love than what we had, and I am happy that he is happy...because I love him.

 

I love my MM. I want him to be happy, regardless of whether or not I am in the picture. I believe he is sincere in meaning what he has said, he has been very tight-lipped about his marriage since day one, aside from vague and infrequent references to his unhappiness. I've never pried. I know he loves his W, but I wonder if it is the type of love I have for my ex...not a passionate love by any means, but a very pure love nonetheless. I was very young when I met my ex, just 18. I am still young, in my late twenties, but I REALLY had no idea how much I'd change to become the woman I am today. MM was also very young when he married, and immediately became a father.

 

I'm definitely swimming in the deep end. I suppose this is a pivotal moment...to open myself entirely to him and the idea of "us", or to walk away to let him deal with his marriage without me being around, complicating matters. I'm scared, to put it mildly.

[ShadesOfGrey]

Shades you may think its more difficult for him to divorce than it was for you, but you are not him.

 

I agree with Torrance. You need to protect your heart but you know that. You arent even willing to entertain the idea of being with him.

 

Is that because you dont want him ft? Or because you are afraid of being heart broken.

 

Speaking from experience the heart break will come if its coming. So you may as well lay your cards on teh table. Is he planning to leave? Just ask him.

 

You are absolutely right...I think I have a tendency to personalize too many things in an effort to understand. I have no idea how "dead" his marriage may or may not be, or how "revivable" it may be.

 

I'm afraid. I'm nothing like his wife...while he doesn't talk much about her, I do unfortunately have to hear about her through other people. Honestly...she sounds like an absolutely wonderful woman and a gifted mother...who lives a nearly separate life from her H. I'm quirky, clingy when in a committed R, not at all sure about motherhood, and I have a very different demeanor and background than his W. Maybe I'm just not sure what he sees in me? Or I am afraid he will not be happy with ME long term?

 

I have a nearly life-long pattern of not laying my cards on the table, not fighting for love...all out of fear. *I* am the one with abandonment issues, with a very imperfect family and my own fair share of insecurities, not MM. I suppose now is the time to face some of those issues and start having some difficult conversation with MM.

 

I'm not sure how to open myself to being with him while protecting my heart, it seems I have to choose one or the other...

[fooled once]

Well, sex must not be one of the 'problems' in his marriage since you say he has more than a few young kids.

 

He is your boss.

 

He knows you can file a sexual harassment suit against him.

 

You let him pay for a trip for you???? Really???

 

When this get discovered, and more than likely it will, and if he is so well known, it is going to blow his world apart.

 

Are you sure he is going to stand beside you -- the woman who helped blow his life apart???

 

I know you love him and all that -- the connection, the intensity, something every single OW has felt -- but are you ready for your life to be under a microscope? Are you ready to be labeled once this comes to light? Are you ready for his wife to come after you with both barrels? Think long and hard.

 

Plus, a divorce is going to take time - probably a year or so. Especially if his wife fights it - which she might once she finds out about you.

 

Your job will probably be in jeopardy too.

 

Just make sure you are ready for it. Is he worth all this?

[ShadesOfGrey]

Well, sex must not be one of the 'problems' in his marriage since you say he has more than a few young kids.

 

He is your boss.

 

He knows you can file a sexual harassment suit against him.

 

You let him pay for a trip for you???? Really???

 

When this get discovered, and more than likely it will, and if he is so well known, it is going to blow his world apart.

 

Are you sure he is going to stand beside you -- the woman who helped blow his life apart???

 

I know you love him and all that -- the connection, the intensity, something every single OW has felt -- but are you ready for your life to be under a microscope? Are you ready to be labeled once this comes to light? Are you ready for his wife to come after you with both barrels? Think long and hard.

 

Plus, a divorce is going to take time - probably a year or so. Especially if his wife fights it - which she might once she finds out about you.

 

Your job will probably be in jeopardy too.

 

Just make sure you are ready for it. Is he worth all this?

 

I don't pretend to know what the problems are that exist in his marriage. I don't know if lack of sex is truly an issue or not, but fertility issues are clearly not an issue. I think that is all that any of us outside of their M can know about their M.

 

Yes, he is my boss. We are growing a company together, just he and I. I don't know what the ramifications would be if he chose to continue his M if there was a D-day. It is his company, but we both make executive decisions and I run it as I would my own business. In the short time I've worked for him, I've grown the business some 400%. We work WELL together.

 

Why would I not allow him to pay for a trip as a gift to me?!? I have brought HIM a great deal of money from my hard work for his company. He treats me well, as I treat him well and I bust my butt to ensure his company's continued success. He is not in a situation where paying for my trip would effect the financial well being of his family in any way...in fact, I have directly added to his family's financial well being, not detracted from it.

 

I understand I WILL be under a microscope if this A comes to light...possibly even involving the local press. I come from a very prominent family as well and this would blow my life apart, too, if it were exposed. The word scandal comes to mind repeatedly. I think I'm more prepared to be publicly humiliated than I am to lose him.

 

The ideal situation would be for him to D without our A coming to light, and slowly introducing "us" to his kids once divorced. *IF* this D ever comes to fruition...big if, according to most on these boards. BIG if :-(

[torranceshipman]

I am seeing a huge red flag here. He is having an A with someone who he works closely with, who works FOR him in his office. That is as close to home as it gets. It is a very, very dangerous game he is playing and it doesn't seem to phase him at all.

 

Although you work together and it feels like it is your business too...be very aware that it isn't. It is his. I have a hunch that this is not the first time he has done this...I'd be very careful if I were you...

 

Sorry to be so negative but he reminds me of a lot of narcissist type stories that I've read on this board...

[jennie-jennie]

I can tell you are a very intelligent young woman. You look at your situation realistically. You have also told us a little about some of your personal issues. You are very well aware of them as well.

 

It is difficult to know what to do here. One never knows if these MM actually will do what they claim. If it was a single man, I would say go for it, dare to love. Now you have to weigh the risk of getting hurt towards the risk of losing a chance for love.

 

I wish you the best.

 

(Regarding the fertility vs sex issue. I know what you are talking about. Never would I have guessed the poor state of my MM's marital sex life by the number of kids he had.)

[ShadesOfGrey]

I am seeing a huge red flag here. He is having an A with someone who he works closely with, who works FOR him in his office. That is as close to home as it gets. It is a very, very dangerous game he is playing and it doesn't seem to phase him at all.

 

Although you work together and it feels like it is your business too...be very aware that it isn't. It is his. I have a hunch that this is not the first time he has done this...I'd be very careful if I were you...

 

Sorry to be so negative but he reminds me of a lot of narcissist type stories that I've read on this board...

 

I appreciate your advice, I truly do. I'm trying to be as honest about both myself and the situation as I can be, I know I can't get accurate advice without doing so... I would think that most people would say that just being an OW/WS throws up a huge red flag. Yet people who find themselves in this position and in love DO marry sometimes. I have a good handful of couples in my life that are a result of affairs.

 

I don't see any narcissistic traits in MM, however. What he is doing is selfish, yes. What I am doing is selfish. I am no narcissist, though! It IS a very dangerous situation. It IS close to home. But I certainly would not be the first employee to marry her formerly married boss...if it were to ever come to marriage for us.

 

I think that if anything, he wants to either truly leave the M or shake up the M to induce change...back to what they had a decade ago. Yet another possibility is that he believes our set up provides a "cover" for us so that he can milk this situation as long as possible. Can ya tell I'm confused??

 

He has never had a female work for him before. He ran both of his businesses by himself, no formal office space, no admins, just male "technicians" for lack of a better word. So, while I can't pretend to know if he is telling the truth about never having an affair before, I do know he has never groomed an employee or anything like that...there haven't been any female employees-ever. I do his books and have all his files, tax returns, bank statements...everything, going all the way back to the beginning of the business without any gaps.

 

I struggle with wondering how one determines if they could actually be a part of the small percentage of loving marriages that result from the end of another marriage?

[jennie-jennie]

I struggle with wondering how one determines if they could actually be a part of the small percentage of loving marriages that result from the end of another marriage?

 

There is no way of knowing this. I struggle with the same problem every day. The longer time goes on the more pessimistic I get. Yet I am not willing to give up the man I love.

 

I am older however. I have had my kids. I have my house. I worry more for someone young who might waste the opportunity to have children for example while waiting for something that might never happen.

 

Make sure your journey is enjoyable, because you can not know if you will reach that particular destination.

[torranceshipman]

Well there is one thing you could do to make the situation much easier to manage! Tell him you are upset, scared about the potential dangers of this situation for you, etc - and that it'd be better for you to stop the A, and just be friends until/if he gets a D.

 

That way you get to continue to work together, to be friends, to keep the door open for a loving R in future, but you don't need to worry about the humiliation of being found out, etc, or to put up with this confusion. If he respects you he won't want to put you in a bad situation where you feel compromised, and to be fair it is HIM that comes with a world of baggage and risks for yourself in tow...and he needs to acknowledge this and stop putting you in such a compromising position.

 

It's an option to consider, anyway!

[ShadesOfGrey]

Thank you for the kind words Jennie. This is obviously a situation that I cannot discuss openly with friends or family and I appreciate LS and its members for giving me the opportunity to talk this out!

 

Part of what drives me nuts is that this journey HAS been enjoyable! There is much more joy than misery here. I have guilt, yes. So does he, though we don't often talk about it.

 

We have been through a lot together, he has stood by me and been there for me each and every time I have needed him. He has taken me to the hospital when I was extremely ill, he has been with me when my vet came to put my cat to sleep when she suddenly fell ill, he will call me whenever I am upset and need to talk to him. I have been there for him through the death of his mother and a number of issues pertaining to his personal and public life. He makes me feel loved, and a priority.

 

As for kids, I'm not that sure I want to have them. Additionally, my sister and I both have a (non life-threatening, but sometimes painful) genetic illness that I could pass on to any kids I have. Yes, MM knows this risk exists. I don't believe I'd be crushed if I never had kids of my own.

 

I don't think my head has stopped spinning since MM left early this AM. Thank you again, I do appreciate your advice and kind words :-)

[ShadesOfGrey]

Torrance, that is an option. But...it does not mean the once-active A will never be found out down the road. Cooling things doesn't guarantee much, either.

 

I will have to talk with him honestly tonight when I see him and go from there...

[fooled once]

I don't pretend to know what the problems are that exist in his marriage. I don't know if lack of sex is truly an issue or not, but fertility issues are clearly not an issue. I think that is all that any of us outside of their M can know about their M.

 

Yes, he is my boss. We are growing a company together, just he and I. I don't know what the ramifications would be if he chose to continue his M if there was a D-day. It is his company, but we both make executive decisions and I run it as I would my own business. In the short time I've worked for him, I've grown the business some 400%. We work WELL together.

 

Why would I not allow him to pay for a trip as a gift to me?!? I have brought HIM a great deal of money from my hard work for his company. He treats me well, as I treat him well and I bust my butt to ensure his company's continued success. He is not in a situation where paying for my trip would effect the financial well being of his family in any way...in fact, I have directly added to his family's financial well being, not detracted from it.

 

I understand I WILL be under a microscope if this A comes to light...possibly even involving the local press. I come from a very prominent family as well and this would blow my life apart, too, if it were exposed. The word scandal comes to mind repeatedly. I think I'm more prepared to be publicly humiliated than I am to lose him.

The ideal situation would be for him to D without our A coming to light, and slowly introducing "us" to his kids once divorced. *IF* this D ever comes to fruition...big if, according to most on these boards. BIG if :-(

 

But you don't "have" him - he is married.

 

Also realize, you don't really KNOW him. You know parts of him; that's it. And as with most new relationships, people are on their best behavior.

 

You work for him. You don't live with him. You are his employee. You are his mistress.

 

My advice - let him decide what he truly wants to do. Let him decide if he wants to give up everything for you - someone he has known......

 

IF it is meant to be, it will happen. But you can't be in the middle of it. He needs to figure it out without you there coaching him, being his sounding board, etc.

 

Good luck.

[ShadesOfGrey]

Against my better judgment, I'm replying. Fooled, while I have nothing against you, I have to say I'm not sure your points are so solid. It almost sounds like you have something against me. But, because you don't know me, I'm sure I am mistaken

 

"But you don't "have" him - he is married." I DO have him, I have in my life, a part of my daily being. W ALSO has him in her life, a part of her daily being. Neither of us "have" him exclusively, nor is he property to be owned.

 

"Also realize, you don't really KNOW him. You know parts of him; that's it." Ahem...apparently his wife doesn't really KNOW him, by your definition, either. She only knows parts of him as well. She clearly doesn't know the part of him that is in love with me, that makes love to me, that nurtures and cares for me. I don't know the part of him that loves his W. Neither of us know him 100%, obviously.

 

"You work for him. You don't live with him. You are his employee. You are his mistress." Yeah. I said that already. Thanks for the reminder though, nice in case I forgot

 

"He needs to figure it out without you there coaching him, being his sounding board, etc." Where did you get from my posts that I am in any way coaching him??

 

I have to give credit where it is due...LS is a wealth of information and a great way to gain new perspective. I suppose every forum has its occasional bit of not-so-helpful advice. Thanks for trying to help though, Fooled

[delirious]

Against my better judgment, I'm replying. Fooled, while I have nothing against you, I have to say I'm not sure your points are so solid. It almost sounds like you have something against me. But, because you don't know me, I'm sure I am mistaken

 

"But you don't "have" him - he is married." I DO have him, I have in my life, a part of my daily being. W ALSO has him in her life, a part of her daily being. Neither of us "have" him exclusively, nor is he property to be owned.

 

"Also realize, you don't really KNOW him. You know parts of him; that's it." Ahem...apparently his wife doesn't really KNOW him, by your definition, either. She only knows parts of him as well. She clearly doesn't know the part of him that is in love with me, that makes love to me, that nurtures and cares for me. I don't know the part of him that loves his W. Neither of us know him 100%, obviously.

 

"You work for him. You don't live with him. You are his employee. You are his mistress." Yeah. I said that already. Thanks for the reminder though, nice in case I forgot

 

"He needs to figure it out without you there coaching him, being his sounding board, etc." Where did you get from my posts that I am in any way coaching him??

 

I have to give credit where it is due...LS is a wealth of information and a great way to gain new perspective. I suppose every forum has its occasional bit of not-so-helpful advice. Thanks for trying to help though, Fooled

 

 

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh: good one SOG

[torranceshipman]

To be fair, I think Fooled has some valid points...it is frustrating to read yet another story about an OW making an MM the center of her life, when he in fact has made her 20% of his...he goes home to a W and family every single night and you have to go home and post of a board. Not fair!

 

I think that in a few months, whatever your situation, you might read Fooled's post back as something more helpful, but I can understand why you are sensitive to a lot of what that post said at the moment,given your emotional investment and situation...the point about coaching wasn't (I don't think) meant to be a dig-it is an actual strategy i.e. if you are around too much you can't help but exert an influence in the MM's mind and some time down the line he might flip over his thinking and secretly resent you for pushing him into leaving his W, or feeling a pressure to, anyway....you might see a more negative side of the MM further down the line if you do get tired of inaction, and want more, or if he thinks there is any danger of you two being found out, and might well do anything (known as being thrown under a bus!) to save his ass....

 

It is just a LOT to consider...definitly good for you to talk to him about what you want and feel.

[jj33]

You are absolutely right...I think I have a tendency to personalize too many things in an effort to understand. I have no idea how "dead" his marriage may or may not be, or how "revivable" it may be.

 

I'm afraid. I'm nothing like his wife...while he doesn't talk much about her, I do unfortunately have to hear about her through other people. Honestly...she sounds like an absolutely wonderful woman and a gifted mother...who lives a nearly separate life from her H. I'm quirky, clingy when in a committed R, not at all sure about motherhood, and I have a very different demeanor and background than his W. Maybe I'm just not sure what he sees in me? Or I am afraid he will not be happy with ME long term?

 

I have a nearly life-long pattern of not laying my cards on the table, not fighting for love...all out of fear. *I* am the one with abandonment issues, with a very imperfect family and my own fair share of insecurities, not MM. I suppose now is the time to face some of those issues and start having some difficult conversation with MM.

 

I'm not sure how to open myself to being with him while protecting my heart, it seems I have to choose one or the other...

 

Shades your situation sounds very much like mine except he wasnt my boss.

 

You ARE protecting your heart if you lay your cards on the table. Or if not making a proclamation at least asking him, are you PLANNING TO leave (not thinking of PLANNING TO) if he says yes then ask when?

 

If he says hes thinking about it, then thats another story.

 

If he asks you if you WANT him to leave - be honest - whether he ends his marriage is up to him, but if he were single yes you would want to pursue a relationship with him (if that is what you want).

 

You are protecting your heart because you have information.

 

You dont FIGHT for someone else's husband.

 

As for the differences between your life and his and his W's....

 

Sometimes people stay in situations that are familiar to them with people whose history and world are familiar to them even if they arent in love with them, even if they lead separate lives. People do marry for reasons other than love (Ill get a lot of flack for that but its true).

 

And if they come from a similar background and understand each others code and have an agreement in their marriage, you make the money, Ill be the perfect corporate wife and mother, but we will go our own ways and then real love walks in the door...

 

Well, that is tricky. Because you will NEVER give him the freedom she does. NEVER.

 

You dont want a separate life. You want a life with him.

 

He has lived all these years with all the freedom in the world to do whatever he chooses so long as he upholds his part of the deal.

 

Whether a close intimate loving relationship with someone with whom he shares most of his life (rather than having two separate lives that come together for the family and public appearances) is an open question and one that he may not yet know the answer to.

 

In my case xMM couldnt walk away from it. Hes like an automoton. He just goes on and on with it. he now travels these days more than he is in the country, and when he and W are in the same country, they are rarely in the same house. But he hasnt "changed his life". Instead he has totally separated himself from any significant contact with his W.

[jj33]

And if you have grown the company some 400% why dont you have equity?

 

You need to have a VERY frank discussion with him.

 

You are exposed both professionally and personally. Tell him you want equity and a severance package (one year at least) so that if D day hits or he ends it and wants you gone, you are protected.

 

You have to stand up for yourself. Otherwise you are just bouncing on the waves.

[jennie-jennie]

Thank you for the kind words Jennie. This is obviously a situation that I cannot discuss openly with friends or family and I appreciate LS and its members for giving me the opportunity to talk this out!

 

Part of what drives me nuts is that this journey HAS been enjoyable! There is much more joy than misery here. I have guilt, yes. So does he, though we don't often talk about it.

 

We have been through a lot together, he has stood by me and been there for me each and every time I have needed him. He has taken me to the hospital when I was extremely ill, he has been with me when my vet came to put my cat to sleep when she suddenly fell ill, he will call me whenever I am upset and need to talk to him. I have been there for him through the death of his mother and a number of issues pertaining to his personal and public life. He makes me feel loved, and a priority.

 

As for kids, I'm not that sure I want to have them. Additionally, my sister and I both have a (non life-threatening, but sometimes painful) genetic illness that I could pass on to any kids I have. Yes, MM knows this risk exists. I don't believe I'd be crushed if I never had kids of my own.

 

I don't think my head has stopped spinning since MM left early this AM. Thank you again, I do appreciate your advice and kind words :-)

 

Given what you have written here, I would definitely go for it. What the h..., he can only disappoint you.

 

It is better to listen to the string that burst, then to never draw a bow.