sean1970 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I have 24 days today... She text a week later (lame, hurtful, selfish). July break up, multiple NC fails (breadcrumbs thrown / meeting requests by the ex). My Birthday is Dec 30th... Even though its a ways away, still wondering what to do when she texts (99.987533% sure she will). Still sucks...
EricaH329 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I'm hanging in there. I'm always just hanging in there...... Today felt different though, and maybe I'm moving into a different phase. .. Either way, Erica, you know what its like: Good days, bad days, good days, bad days.......... Can't wait to report back after 10 days that I'm still NC!! I do know how it is. As weird as it sounds, every time I think about him... and I mean seriously think about him, he contacts me. My mom seems to think that we are still connected in some way, and he can somehow 'feel' when i'm longing for him. It sounds crazy, but it's the only explanation. Anyway, i'm proud of you for sticking it out!!! Looking forward to hearing that you are still holding strong on the 10th day! I know you can do it! You're doing fantastic so far!! I have 24 days today... She text a week later (lame, hurtful, selfish). July break up, multiple NC fails (breadcrumbs thrown / meeting requests by the ex). My Birthday is Dec 30th... Even though its a ways away, still wondering what to do when she texts (99.987533% sure she will). Still sucks... Do what the rest of us are doing. Nothing. Don't respond. It feels weird to have someone wish you a happy birthday, or wishing you a good weekend, and not responding. I feel very rude when ignoring someone like that. But... it must be done. It feels very empowering BTW. Knowing that they aren't getting what they want. Even though it kills us to do that, they don't know that. And they don't have to.
onewillburn Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 July break up, multiple NC fails (breadcrumbs thrown / meeting requests by the ex). Same here as far as the breadcrumbs/meetings go, except my breakup happened in June. Anyway, I'm on day 22. I haven't made it past 30 days NC yet, so wish me luck!
rickigal Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I'm in! I have 30 days NC today...I have come close to contacting him soooo many times but somehow resisted. Instead I have been keeping a drafted email in my drafts folder that I keep adding to without sending whenever I want to contact him.
EricaH329 Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I'm in! I have 30 days NC today...I have come close to contacting him soooo many times but somehow resisted. Instead I have been keeping a drafted email in my drafts folder that I keep adding to without sending whenever I want to contact him. Congrats on making it to 30 days!! Just make sure you don't accidentally send the drafts, wouldn't that be the worssssst!! Same here as far as the breadcrumbs/meetings go, except my breakup happened in June. Anyway, I'm on day 22. I haven't made it past 30 days NC yet, so wish me luck! Luck, unfortunatly, doesn't have much say in these types of situations. Strength is what it takes. And you have tons of it for making it this far!! Just keep on pushing through it, one day it'll be a lot easier. That's what I keep telling myself anyway
Phateless Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 I'm in! I have 30 days NC today...I have come close to contacting him soooo many times but somehow resisted. Instead I have been keeping a drafted email in my drafts folder that I keep adding to without sending whenever I want to contact him. God, I had one that must have stayed in there for a year or two before I finally deleted. I never broke down and sent it or called her our of desperation, only on purpose for specific reasons, like wanting my speakers back. It feels liberating to finally delete it.
name witheld Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Erm, what if she is actually trying to reconcile? She did contact you and suggest a talk right? You can avoid giving her power by having the meeting on YOUR terms. Keeping it short if it goes nowhere. You don't lose the power if she is pursuing you. (little by little as much as you allow)
EricaH329 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 It is our first 10 day check-in!!! Woo hoo!! I haven't contacted him!! :D Anyone else??
onewillburn Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 It is our first 10 day check-in!!! Woo hoo!! I haven't contacted him!! :D Anyone else?? Awesome. Do you know how long it's been exactly or did you get to the point where you've stopped counting? Today is my day 24. 30 days is my record, so it's important that I stay nc.
EricaH329 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Awesome. Do you know how long it's been exactly or did you get to the point where you've stopped counting? Today is my day 24. 30 days is my record, so it's important that I stay nc. I actually stopped counting. I could find out, but to be honest I don't really care that much to. I'm extremely confident in the fact that i'm going to remain NC whether it's been a week, or a year 24 days!! That's great!! You have to keep checking back in and updating us on your progress. You'll make it far passed 30 days. One day you'll realize that you lost track. Good job on remaining NC!!
Phateless Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Erm, what if she is actually trying to reconcile? She did contact you and suggest a talk right? You can avoid giving her power by having the meeting on YOUR terms. Keeping it short if it goes nowhere. You don't lose the power if she is pursuing you. (little by little as much as you allow) Depends on the situation and your goals. If you're sure that you want to move on, just ignore it. If you want to get back, you need to qualify what they want before you agree to a meet-up. Most of the time they're just trying to establish a "friendship" to soothe their own guilt. DON'T FALL FOR IT!
adamt Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 (edited) i was in NC for 5 months. doing ok and sorting myself out. I had a feeling i would bump into her this weekend and i did. She came over to talk to me in a busy pub. we talked for 20 minutes just about catching up on whats been upto. I was civil and felt ok. I said i held no grudges(Although privately that is not correct. how can it be when she has messed me up for 5 months) however the day after was hard and i felt sad and she was on my mind a lot. Got that feeling again of something missing in my life.But now i am ok again. It does mess with your head. Best to stay in NC. Edited November 9, 2009 by adamt
adamt Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Just to follow on to my last post. I can't emphasise enough how important NC is. Today has been difficult after my first contact with teh ex after 5 months. I was fine at the time, but got a delayed reaction and today feeling a bit down and sad. keep going through my head our conversation and what other things i could have said. what questions i shoulkd have asked,brought back the good memories i had with her. i think i will be ok in couple of days but it does feel a bit of a set back. feeling of emptiness and being alone has returned. feel something is missing in your life again. So please, don't break NC no matter what. Unless it is something you can not avoid. if you have to break NC, just don't tell them how you are feeling and keep it civil.
sean1970 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 i was in NC for 5 months. doing ok and sorting myself out. I had a feeling i would bump into her this weekend and i did. I have to ask, did you go hoping you would see her?
adamt Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 no i didnt..but in a way i wanted to see how i would cope talking to her because i dont want to go round looking around just incase she is there. i suppose it had to happen eventually. I was surprised how calm i was and prepared for it. although we never really talked about the relationship. i'm sure it is the something the dumper avoids.we used to go to football matches together and this was in a different city and we have mutual friends. I just felt this could have been on the cards. it was in a pub.. i guess she just wants to clear some guilt and feel i have moved on. but it is the after effects that kicks the memories again. although i have been on dates recently and hoping to get a date with someone else i've met
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