rp123 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Does Breaking NC really put you RIGHT BACK to square one? I'm approaching 50days of NC, But I really want break it. The urge is strong. I want to know her state of mind........!! Why am I deluding myself, when will things improve in a more permanent way..?
Limbo21 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Hi rp Each case is unique in it's own merrits but as a general rule I'd say yes it does mess with your head UNLESS you are over them. I also think we lull ourselves into a false sense of security to thinking we are over them when actually were not I seriously would advise to keep out of contacting them in them even if it's a wee chance you still look at them with doey eyes. It's a large price to pay if your wrong and yes back to square one like I say, just my opinion
EricaH329 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Hi rp Each case is unique in it's own merrits but as a general rule I'd say yes it does mess with your head UNLESS you are over them. I also think we lull ourselves into a false sense of security to thinking we are over them when actually were not I seriously would advise to keep out of contacting them in them even if it's a wee chance you still look at them with doey eyes. It's a large price to pay if your wrong and yes back to square one like I say, just my opinion Totally agree with this!!!! I thought I was over him enough to hold a friendship with him. Was I ever wrong!! It sounds to me that you aren't over her yet. I would not recommend contacting her. I promise you that it will only take you back to the beginning all over again. It's not worth it! Fight against your urge to contact her. Write whatever it is that you wanna say to her down. Write it here if you must. Get it all out. But whatever you do, do not contact her! It will be a huge mistake if you do. No matter what she says, it will not satisfy your urge. Please, please, pleeeeease do not contact her!! It'll only hurt worse!! I promise!!!!!
onewillburn Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 It's been five months since I was dumped. Each of those months, NC was broken at least once. Every time was a little bit different. I regret all of them though, because I would probably be in a much better state if it hadn't been broken. It depends on what your REAL expectations are. If you're hoping she'll fall for you again, don't do it. If you genuinely don't have love for her and just want to start a friendship, consider it but wait a couple weeks more. It also depends on what happens during the contact. You might be shocked to learn some new things about your ex and THAT'S what usually puts us back to square one. The way they don't care or haven't seemed to suffer at all or whatever it may be. And even if breaking it didn't seem all that bad at first, you'll start to overanalyze everything she said and everything you said and it will just screw with your head. Not worth it, IMO. Stay strong. Only break NC if she comes begging for you to come back to her.
Author rp123 Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 Totally agree with this!!!! I thought I was over him enough to hold a friendship with him. Was I ever wrong!! It sounds to me that you aren't over her yet. I would not recommend contacting her. I promise you that it will only take you back to the beginning all over again. It's not worth it! Fight against your urge to contact her. Write whatever it is that you wanna say to her down. Write it here if you must. Get it all out. But whatever you do, do not contact her! It will be a huge mistake if you do. No matter what she says, it will not satisfy your urge. Please, please, pleeeeease do not contact her!! It'll only hurt worse!! I promise!!!!! Your right, I'm not over her. But can't help but the desire I have to feed on the breadcrumbs she has tossed me. I'm so curious to know why she text me, asking I we could talk. And then she uses a freind to try and contact me (very cowardly I know..) I was doing so good with my NC, but the miniscule breadcrumbs she has fed me has put in a tail spin. I'm toying with sending a text message that is very neutral and reveals nothing about my state of mind like : " How are you? Do you still want to talk, why? " Thanks all of you......
Limbo21 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 (edited) It's a difficult one bc I've been/I am in the same position but I've learnt through further heartbreak. My ex texts me 'i love you' once every few days ... She's even gotten my new number from somewhere? My past curiosity was overwhelming. "what if's" "why" ... It's all encompasing and literally zaps your strength thinking about it Yes I did break nc, I needed to and maybe you need to? What I can tell you is like everyone else says. She is just checking up. She is loosing her power over you and wants/needs to reaffirm that power. Once she has it (and you lose it) she will push you away again. I needed to make those mistakes to get to 17days nc whilst not reading her emails and texts telling me she 'loves me' The reality is my friend neither of them do. Not enough to want us back. Sure get in contact but if was a gambling man I would bet my house you will be heartbroken, not straight away but you will good luck and keep us posted Edited October 30, 2009 by Limbo21 Damn this iPhone of death
AMR Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 yeah man, fight it. after three months of NC, i broke it. and regretted it ever since. She was nice and polite, but just hearing her speak to me like i was just some other person and not HERS, messed me up bad. i think i actually felt worse after that night then the night she dumped me. Seriously. it was just like reopening the wound and salting it. 50days is something to be proud of. keep it up because you'll feel even better when you hit 100.
cypresa Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Don't, Just don't! I saw my ex two weeks ago for lunch after 5 months apart and not only did it get my hopes up because it was so amazing, it has totally put me back right where i was when we first broke up! I had to deal with all the same feelings of confusion, rejection, loneliness and despair all over again when he hasn't called me to see me again. He just wanted to see me not because he wanted to get back together but just to catch up. I thought i was ready for that - but trust me it takes much longer than you think...
EricaH329 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Your right, I'm not over her. But can't help but the desire I have to feed on the breadcrumbs she has tossed me. I'm so curious to know why she text me, asking I we could talk. And then she uses a freind to try and contact me (very cowardly I know..) I was doing so good with my NC, but the miniscule breadcrumbs she has fed me has put in a tail spin. I'm toying with sending a text message that is very neutral and reveals nothing about my state of mind like : " How are you? Do you still want to talk, why? " Thanks all of you...... Aw hun, I feel your pain. I really do. That 'desire' that you have to feed off of her breadcrumbs, will turn into wanting more and more and more breadcrumbs to feed off of. When she does not give them to you, you will feel rejected, hurt, heartbroken, all over again. I am so very proud of the fact that you have gone 50 days NC!!! That's fantastic!! I broke NC, and fell back even harder than I did in the beginning, and now it's only been about a week or so of NC. He tried contacting me last night, but I didn't give in this time. It might feel good temporarily to contact her. As a matter of fact, i'm positive it'll feel good. But after that feeling goes away, all your left with is a shattered, broken, empty feeling. Even worse than you started out with. I'm the type of person that needs to learn on my own. Everyone here told me NC NC NC! Do not break NC! I did anyway. I needed to satisfy my urge. In the end, it was a huge mistake. But, if you are anything like me, you'll do it anyway, and learn the hard way. Please keep us updated! You are sooo incredibly strong for making it as far as you have so far, and you have every right to be very proud of yourself! Think of it as an accomplishment!! You are fighting your own desires, which is in turn (whether you notice it or not) making you a much stronger person!
BCCA Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Trust me, if you break NC, youll wish you hadnt. EVERY time I did, I was so angry with myself, and wished I hadnt. I've now been in NC for almost a year, and to be honest, it feels much better having no idea what her life is about, and not having those wounds re-opened. If she wanted you back, she wouldve let you know.
Author rp123 Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 Ok friends, I'm going to resist for now..... For now though... I feel so much stronger than the broken, desperate, irrational fool I was during our last days of contact. I want to reclaim my dignity and respect by demonstrating my strength to her. I don't want her last image of me to be the drunk fool on the phone at 3 a.m. (which it was...!) I'm so much further down the path of growth, and want to reclaim myself as much as I want to reclaim her... Thank you all......!!!!
Thebob Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Ok friends, I'm going to resist for now..... For now though... I feel so much stronger than the broken, desperate, irrational fool I was during our last days of contact. I want to reclaim my dignity and respect by demonstrating my strength to her. I don't want her last image of me to be the drunk fool on the phone at 3 a.m. (which it was...!) I'm so much further down the path of growth, and want to reclaim myself as much as I want to reclaim her... Thank you all......!!!! Good, don't give in. When i texted my ex, and right when i sent it I was like wtf am I doing? 3 days later I felt horrible and I regretted doing it completely. Don't do it man, you'll only regret it! trust us on this... Keep it up man, you and I are on the same NC pace. Im on 2 months u got 50 days, lets keep up this challenge aight? who can stay NC Longer?? Thebob
EricaH329 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 who can stay NC Longer?? I wanna play!! You guys have a much greater head start than I do, but none the less, I love a challenge!!
Author rp123 Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 Good, don't give in. When i texted my ex, and right when i sent it I was like wtf am I doing? 3 days later I felt horrible and I regretted doing it completely. Don't do it man, you'll only regret it! trust us on this... Keep it up man, you and I are on the same NC pace. Im on 2 months u got 50 days, lets keep up this challenge aight? who can stay NC Longer?? Thebob Your on TheBob You too Erica! Let battle commence!!
Thebob Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Ok the rules are, every 10 days, YOU HAVE TO BE HONEST, we post on the forums and say if we have done it or not..... Losers will have to mail the winners 2$ each =) Thebob
Author rp123 Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 Ok the rules are, every 10 days, YOU HAVE TO BE HONEST, we post on the forums and say if we have done it or not..... Losers will have to mail the winners 2$ each =) Thebob The Bob, thanks for defining the rules.... What's the current exhcange rate, as I'm in the UK..... I can see we're going to need a new thread for this....
Phateless Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Does Breaking NC really put you RIGHT BACK to square one? I'm approaching 50days of NC, But I really want break it. The urge is strong. I want to know her state of mind........!! Why am I deluding myself, when will things improve in a more permanent way..? Yes. It does. I got out of a 4.5 year relationship about 3 years ago, so I know exactly what you're going through. Be strong.
EricaH329 Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 Ok the rules are, every 10 days, YOU HAVE TO BE HONEST, we post on the forums and say if we have done it or not..... Losers will have to mail the winners 2$ each =) Thebob $2? Ah come on, I think we can be a little more creative than that!
JaggedRoad Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 $1 billion dollars! http://jaggedroad.com/dr-evil2.jpg
EricaH329 Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 $1 billion dollars! http://jaggedroad.com/dr-evil2.jpg No no no, I don't mean money. When I win () i'd personally like a homemade award from the losers saying "NC Winner of the Year!" :laugh:
EricaH329 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 10 points goes to me for signing offline after he sent me an IM tonight!!!!
Author rp123 Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 10 points goes to me for signing offline after he sent me an IM tonight!!!! Go girl!!! So proud......
EricaH329 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Go girl!!! So proud...... Thank you!! How are you coming along?
Author rp123 Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 Thank you!! How are you coming along? I'm hanging in there. I'm always just hanging in there...... Today felt different though, and maybe I'm moving into a different phase. .. Either way, Erica, you know what its like: Good days, bad days, good days, bad days.......... Can't wait to report back after 10 days that I'm still NC!!
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