fiser360 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 It's been 4 months since my break up. It's still hard. Today my ex deleted me off of her Facebook friends. It really stung. Her reasoning was that she hated for me to have to see pictures of her and her new boyfriend. I don't know what to do. I still love her with all of my heart, and would love to be with her. I keep telling myself I need to let go if I really want to be with her one day. But it's hard. Does anyone have any suggestions? Stories to tell? Anything.. It's hard to cope when you feel so alone.
Bulldozed Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Nathan - sorry to hear about this...what's the story with your breakup? What were her issues? Did you cut off all contact after the break?
Author fiser360 Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 Back in June we decided to take a short break to have some time apart, after being together for 3 years. Well, about a month later, she starts talking to a new guy. The only issues we had that I was aware that bothered her, was that we fought a lot, but it wasn't like ridiculous arguing. It was about trivial/stupid things, and we were always quick to say we were sorry and make up. After the break up we continued to work together until last month when she quit. But I never contact her first. Anytime that we talk or anything she messages/calls me first. Thank you for the interest Bulldozed. I hope to hear more from you.
Bulldozed Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Nathan - this sounds so familiar...believe me. If I could re-do what I've done the past 6 wks, believe me I would. If you've never read my story, I was with my girl just over 2 yrs. We never fought...bickered a lot, which sounds like what you two did. After the honeymoon phase is over, you're left with a real relationship, based on trust, honest communication and comittement. Never believed that was an issue with us...we've been friends for nearly 18 yrs, since high school. We decided to "take a break"...at the end of August, so she could re-calibrate her life, focus on her struggling job...blahblahblah...had a great passionate nite together after our talk. I was actually real supportive of the decison. I even told her, "if you want to break up", then lets do it...she assured me that wasn't she wanted. She wanted to hook up the very next day. Two days later, I asked her about when she last sent me a check, as I loaned her a sizable sum of cash, 9 mths ago...she's had a messed up past. married twice, got herself in debt thanks to her first husband. I figured I'll loan it her, more for us, as being married one day, we always discussed, would help her credit score. I don't need someone draggin down my credit score....right? She took offense at the question regarding her payment...in fact she hadn't paid me since June....I never really cared, nor hounded her, ever. Didn't matter. We were talking about living together 3 wks prior to our break. After this irritating exchange, I asked her about her girlfriends ex-husband, and whether she was going to start dating him. She responded, "I don't know"....and how much that question angered her. Didn't talk to her for 5 days....asked the same thing...she told me how pissed I made at ever suggesting such a thing...blahblahblah. Well, 3 wks after our break, she's now spending the night at this turds house. Mind you, the 4 of us used to go out to dinner together, along with their 5 yr old son. She destroyed a 20 yr friendship with one of her closest friends, having never heard the story of why she left this cheeseball last spring. Unbelievable, eh? I wrote her a scathing email 4 wks ago, then apologized for it, last week. She never responded, but instead told her best friend (mutual friend of ours) that even though I told her I was ashamed at myself for sending that note to her, I never uttered the two words she was looking for, "I'm sorry"....my apology was one huge apology from start to finish. My harsh email, was the truth and to this day, she won't admit to anyone that she's even involved with this turd.....
Blindsidedagainalive Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Break ups are hard as you know. As a 45 year old man, the best advise I can offer is for you to move on. How, when you keep thinking about it. Seriously consider coucelling to process this. It's about you regaining your self esteem. A woman who would do this is not in love with you. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you.....perhaps SHE doesn't know a good guy when she sees one. Try to build your self up. Don't get into a rebound relationship. Get better....then have some fun before you settle down again.
Devil Inside Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 There is never an easy way to deal with this kind of loss. Time to let her go my friend. She has already done so..now it is your turn. She was not the only one for you...trust me on this one.
tryagaintoday Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Guys, go read Caliguy's post on NC and the like. It truly helps. You think your 3 years, 2 years relationship is hard. Well, mine is a 13 years relationship and we were engaged, bought a flat, a car, and shared so many things together. She still left me for another guy. Initially, I was heartbroken, depressed and you know the rest. I wasted so much money signing up for courses, going therapy, smoking drinking and even had thoughts of suicide. Just go NC, live your life for yourself, get busy and meet new ppl. Trust me, you'll get over it in no time. PS: Just let go, why are you still friends with her? I deleted her off facebook and everything in day 1.
bluestraps Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 (edited) In response to the last comment/s .I feel that when you are comfortable with a person and you share so many good memories all the hollidays . the things you shared , the little nuances of your conection and you truly are still loving the person It is so hard to give up. I just was cheated on and dumped about 5 weeks ago. I was told by her over the phone the next day after the cheating happened. The guy was one of my best friends of 18 years, or so I thought. Its bad enough when you dont know what the ex is doing but I do know with some certanty whats going on Because I know how my friend lives. And I know how my ex is. I still dont know the details of how this started, but only it was in a matter of days I believe that the decision was made by her to do this , But I cant get over the fact that he went along with it. He either told her something tha made her think it would be a good idea to split with me for him or what he did. Its mostly conjecture right now. This friend of mine was part of a group of friends i ve had since about 1990 so I never expected for him to do this. we did allot togther over the years before my ex and I met.She was also friends with him and I guess they got closer over the last couple months. I feel so guilty now because I feel like I kind of brought them togther. My ex and I would go to visit him sometimes over the last 2 years or so . She developed some kind of small crush on him . But Some things started to change . There were a few times where she wanted to kiss him on the cheek or give him a hug "Just as Friends" and he actualy did not feel comfortable with thatAnd i knew it .The main thing is that he actualy told me after when i confronted him "that he is girl crazy". See he had been maried before and its been many years since hes been with a woman so I guess in a way I cant blame him. But thats not the way I do things I still believe that friends exes are off limits SO i dont know if he realy loves her or is still thinking its just for the "benefits". we all know it takes time for real love Aparently she told him we already had broken up . Which we didnt oficialy because I had no idea it was happening And He was dumb enough to think i would do nothing to stop it. He knows me and he knows some of the situations we were in He, I think knew exactly what he was doing.I thought it was just like a brotherly thing. He said a couple of times he thought of her as a sister. And I really trusted him . I would say I still cant believe it and I dont see for the life of me, what he was thinking .They are togther. she is staying at his place most of the time now. I had tried to talk to him and I had been trying to figure out when to do it . I finaly caled him at 2 in the morning last week .Unbeknonst to me she was there . He was cool with my call ,But she was not. NC was broken by her by calling me to give me hell. She called me back and left me a mean message, she was mad. She called a bunch of times as I could not hear the phone ring . And I called her back telling her she is out of line.I have so much anger because of my situation. Its really bad , Its like i lost a lover and a friend and a friend So its like three peoplePlus A friend of mine and his wife are getting a divorce. We were both friends with them and were close to their Kids. I think the changes in our lives affected her more than I thought .How long does it take to get over ?? this is the longest one ive been in. I cant seem to let her go There is NC except for once. I still think she loves me but she does this because she tries to get away when we have problems. I should say my EX has controled depression. And she often does things impulsively . We've had a loving and great but sometimes tough relationship.I dont even really think she truly loves him , because they are too different . So I even now am thinking of confronting him to find out just what he did or what he said or what she did or said.I know her too well .... We did have a few minor lingering issues. We lived seperate the whole time we were togther . I hadent asked her to marry me yet because i went back to school one year 1/2 ago since the bad economy started And was going to wait just alittle longer to ask her. Her excuse is that she was tired of wating for me to comit. Where this is dumb because She knew I wanted to eventualy get married. Now she ruined our relationship. And my friend ruined it , and my friends and I relationship is ruined and I thought the three of us had a good friendship between us.ANd If they dont stay togther then their friendship is ruined I wonder if I need professional help , I get very angry, mainly at him. And I am still figuring out how to stop the relationship . Because I believe this will be a disaster for her . This guy was a friend but he has some issues . She is much better than he deserves. He's not as smart, hes not compatible with her at all .I know this woman like the back of my hand. For some reason she feels sory for him , and At some point shes going to realize that she does not love him .I can get over alot because for some reason I can forgive easily. I would take her back in a minute. can some one tell me why this is so wrong .. Edited October 30, 2009 by bluestraps
Author fiser360 Posted October 31, 2009 Author Posted October 31, 2009 Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the comments, advice, and the stories. I'd like to hear more, if anyone has anything else to add.
LovelyDaze Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 My wound that was healing has been reopened by my ex. He actually had the audacity to bring his new GF to meet me. Crazy, huh? I was cordial and so was she and we all made idle chit-chat. I watched them walk away holding hands and wanted to die. My friends reminded me of the fact that just two weeks ago, he said he didn't feel she was right for him and hoped I would still be open to getting back together sometime. I feel ridiculous even writing this. I will go back to NC and NC for good. I just can't let him back in my life if he keeps peeling my bandages off and stabbing the wound.
Author fiser360 Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 Wow, LovelyDaze. Who does that..? I mean, honestly. Unless you just happened to run into each other. I'm sorry you had to see that. I've accidentally ran into my ex and her new boyfriend several times, thank goodness I have been able to avoid them. I don't want to meet him. I'm doing NC now as well. Been over a week.
bluestraps Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 nathan0726 .... how much do you really miss her . DO you feel jealous at all if yes.. thats a bad sign "Love... just don't stare." Three years qualfies you as attached to her emotionaly and mentaly. If you want to have chance. You must get her to trust you. Can you contact her, can you make her your friend. Tell her you are ok with the way things are . So she knows how you feel. She deleted you off facebook to save you pain . She may care enough still and not want to hurt you . If you can make her your friend , talking on the phone, no email or using any online sites. but dont talk about your past the relationship only new stuff and keep conversations short. And be understanding if she starts having problems with the new guy and tells you things . In case the new relationship doesnt workout she may turn to you again. I found taking long drives helps me focus . If you can get through the day its a good sign.
Author fiser360 Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 Thank you for that advice bluestraps. If she ever speaks to me again, I will definitely have to give that a try. I mean it's better than nothing. I know she still cares, I can tell. Three years was a long time, and now I feel empty. I don't feel like there is anyone that loves me. It really sucks. Thanks again!
LovelyDaze Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 One thing I know, Nathan is that a very beautiful and sweet girl IS going to fall in love with you. We broken-hearted folks just need to give it time.
Author fiser360 Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 I sure hope you are right LovelyDaze. That would be wonderful. Maybe one day I will have hope for such a thing.
Metal_Muffin Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I was with my ex for just over three years and it is really hard. We went through an awful lot together as well. Time is a great healer though and wounds can only heal...doesnt mean you wont be left with scars but its all a learning curve. Im not going to pretend like im a master at this because its been a month on wed for me and i still miss him like hell...its driving me mental. I have learnt to have no expectations of myself and ill let myself take as long as i have to to get past this. Just be honest with yourself. Its like a grieving process and know you are allowed to feel rubbish but you will have days where you feel ok...just focus on them! I do wish you loads of luck...its hard but im sure one day you will move on!!
bluestraps Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I know my worth. I am a caring person . I treated my ex with respect . If they leave me it's their loss.
Author fiser360 Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 I know my worth. I am a caring person . I treated my ex with respect . If they leave me it's their loss. I love that. That's a great reply bluestraps. Thank you. I was actually thinking something along those lines today, when my ex texted me and asked, "How are you doing now that you cant stalk me on Facebook?"..I didnt even know what to say to that. I wasn't stalking her at all.
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