PandaStillLovesBunny Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 So, I think I finally have a second chance with my bunny. She's been rather flirty with me, and has just (and by "just," I mean, "this morning") broken up with her boyfriend. The trouble is, of course, how I go about asking for another chance. How long should I wait so that I don't appear gauche? Should I just ask directly, as in, "how bout another chance?" Whatever you've got would help. Thanks!
JaggedRoad Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Do you really want to ask her for a second right after she broke up with her boyfriend? It seems like a really bad time to ask.
Lamak Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 You're doing it wrong. You don't ask for another chance if she hasn't approached directly. The reason why she's being flirty is because you're on the back burner. You're the 2nd option. Don't settle for that type of treatment.
Ronni_W Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Should I just ask directly, as in, "how bout another chance?" Good lawd, no! You ask her how you can help. You offer sympathy, comfort, a strong shoulder to lean on, a compassionate ear to which she can tell her sad story, you invite her for coffee...or a movie...only to cheer her up. You become her "go to" guy. You stay incredibly patient. (Don't be "Bunny-ing" her before your time. Be respectful...she just lost her guy, yes? Offer sympathy and compassion.) Eventually she realizes what a super-great guy you truly are. Then SHE will make her move. You just have to be patient. You do NOT slag her ex directly. When she does it, you just nod, "Yeah...I know how that feels." You do NOT lose your head and start giving her tips how to get back with him. *IF* she wants that, you just mention how you'd hate for her to get hurt by him again. And you just stay incredibly patient! Best of luck
NopeNah Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 (edited) Good lawd, no! You ask her how you can help. You offer sympathy, comfort, a strong shoulder to lean on, a compassionate ear to which she can tell her sad story, you invite her for coffee...or a movie...only to cheer her up. You become her "go to" guy. You stay incredibly patient. (Don't be "Bunny-ing" her before your time. Be respectful...she just lost her guy, yes? Offer sympathy and compassion.) Eventually she realizes what a super-great guy you truly are. Then SHE will make her move. You just have to be patient. You do NOT slag her ex directly. When she does it, you just nod, "Yeah...I know how that feels." You do NOT lose your head and start giving her tips how to get back with him. *IF* she wants that, you just mention how you'd hate for her to get hurt by him again. And you just stay incredibly patient! Best of luck Why would he want to be her "go to guy".. F that! She's going to have to work to make me want her back.. if he's her go to guy one of two things will happen. 1. She'll leave again in th near future. 2. He gets full time friend zoned. Bad advice! Edited October 30, 2009 by Praying4Daylight
NopeNah Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Id wait a few weeks or longer(forever!) And see how she acts. Don't start calling making yourself readily available,ect.. don't be her "buddy" this has nothing to do with you. If she wants you back she will let you know. Make her work /prove herself for you..or, she'll just leave again...
Author PandaStillLovesBunny Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 A lot of interesting advice so far. Just out of curiosity, how many of you actually got a second chance with your ex using these tactics? Or, if not a success, did you get an opportunity for one?
ShriekingViolet Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I let him knew I still cared for him. Hung out with him as a friend, showed him trust/friendship/respect and a few weeks later he told me he'd dumped his girlfriend for me, because he still loved me. Didn't end so happily as the next thing he said was that he just couldn't deal with a relationship, give his depression and suicidal feelings. Hopefully that won't happen to you. Good luck!
UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I think this depends on who dumped who and for what reason. Need more information.
Ronni_W Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Why would he want to be her "go to guy".. F that! She's going to have to work to make me want her back.. I must have misunderstood -- I thought PSLB already wants her back. To me, it's up to the person who wants something, to work for it. But. In your case, where you're not really wanting her back then, of course...keep as much distance as you possibly can! Sorry if my misinterpretation caused you any confusion, P4D
BCCA Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Did she dump you or vice versa? Who dumped who in her relationship that just ended? If she dumped you, and just got dumped herself, her motives should come under some degree of suspiscion.
Author PandaStillLovesBunny Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 She dumped me, because I was an idiot, and she wasn't really that good at communicating why I was an idiot. And she dumped the last guy, because they really had nothing in common. He sounded like a great guy (which is always how she described him, just "he's a great guy"), always buying her things, but they didn't have any overlapping interests, or even values. And I do want her back, which is why I'm skeptical of the whole "let her come back" advice. What if she's thinking the same thing? Isn't it up to the person who really wants something to seize the day? If this were a new girl, and not my ex, wouldn't I have to ask her out first?
BCCA Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 And I do want her back, which is why I'm skeptical of the whole "let her come back" advice. What if she's thinking the same thing? The funny thing is, the more she knows youll take her back, the less interested shes going to be in it, because its not valuable. She has to earn it, and really be sure she wants it. And the onus is on the dumper to make things right, always. Everyone knows this. She severed the relationship, its her responsibility to make it right. Isn't it up to the person who really wants something to seize the day? Well, you havent been given an opportunity to seize anything yet. Shes just checked in with you, and knows youre still there. If she brings something to the table that you want, than sure - seize away. But its not your place to initiate, or bring up reconciliation. You want to make sure youre on the same page before going down that road. If this were a new girl, and not my ex, wouldn't I have to ask her out first? It would be a completely different situation.
Author PandaStillLovesBunny Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 (edited) Shes just checked in with you, and knows youre still there. Actually, we've been talking for months, after a good two years of no contact, with her constantly trying to get me to talk to her. I'VE been the one holding out, because I wasn't interested in giving her anything back after she dumped me -- something I saw as a huge "offense" that could only be righted by a liberal application of my own passive aggressive bull-****. I haven't been pouring my heart and soul out to her every day -- I tried that once before, and it worked about as well as everyone always tells you it works. Since the beginning of July, we've been having great conversations, and the concept of getting back together was only brought up once, by her, and she was still dating her boyfriend at the time. Believe me, I am not begging for a second chance. I've been as cool and disconnected as a very cool and disconnected thing. Edited October 30, 2009 by PandaStillLovesBunny
BCCA Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I just get leery about people who 'relationship-hop' without any breaks in between. From my experiences, these people tend to develope, and lose, feelings very quickly, and are inherently selfish. It almost sounds like she wanted to make sure you were there before leaving the other guy. I cant tell you what to do bro, but just be careful. Give it time, be patient, and let her tell you what she wants to do. You dont want to be the fall back, interim bf, in her life. I know girls who have done that to the same poor guys over and over, and will keep doing it as long as they can.
Author PandaStillLovesBunny Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 Thanks, BCCA. I appreciate that. This girl has always been in a relationship of one sort or another, and it might be silly of me to think that I'm "different." I will definitely be wary, but I'll only avoid her only if experience proves it to be necessary.
Author PandaStillLovesBunny Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 Alright, I've realized that I'm thinking about this way too much, and I should just let it happen. Screw planning. There's nothing to it but to do it, as they say. Thanks for the advice, anyway!
northstar1 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Panda A few things to consider She breaks up with you, and starts dating someone else, yet still talks to you, and complains about the relationship. This is a red flag. A girlfriend who is not loyal to the guy she is dating, yet cannot seem to be alone. If she was that unhappy, why did she stay with him for so long? This brings me to the branch syndrome. Someone who has to always have a backup plan and won't let go of one branch until they have another to jump to. So, she dumps him, and she knows that you are now waiting. Do you want someone like that honestly? What is stopping her from setting up another branch to jump to if she starts dating you again? I know you love this girl, but her behaviour is selfish from what you have told me. My advice is to tread carefully here.
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