tanbark813 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Says she very much wants to see me but goes all distant when actually setting a time and day for lunch etc. Talk is cheap. Always go by actions.
Absolutely Curtains Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Went on a couple of dates a while back. Bad timing as she was still living with her ex. So backed off but we still talked/texted regularly. All signs say she is really into me. Called me a few days ago to tell me she just moved out of her ex's place, so I wanted to start persuing her again. Basically I am the kick in the arse she needed to move out of her comfort zone and on with her life. I've known her for almost 2 years, went on the last of those dates 2 months ago. Told me in between then and now she thinks she loves me. She mentioned she wanted to come down and see me at work so thought i might just pop past her work and surprise her.. Does not have to be anything major (dont even have to bring a gift), just want to surprise her. I normally just send the odd random text to cheer her up when she is at work Based on this, I'd have to say no, don't do it.
BCCA Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 i.e If she does not want to be picked up she probably has not moved anywhere and could be just stringing me along. hmm good point, I asked her what suburb her new unit was in and she didn't reply... I guess another thing I want to mention, that you should also look out for, is why did she break up with him 4 months ago, but just move out? Was there a reason she couldnt leave sooner, and are her parents not local? Every girl Ive known that was done, left immediately. You dont share a dwelling with someone youve lost feelings for, or are not still somewhat involved with (i.e., having sex with). And DONT let that question go. Get an answer.
carhill Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Based on further responses, and mindful of Tanbark's advice, I would suggest distant cordiality and pursuing other opportunities. She's consistently, by her actions, been ambivalent regarding your approaches, so approach someone else.
AriaIncognito Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 In my opinion, you're going to push her away if you come on too strong right now. You said she moved out of her ex's place only a few days ago, correct? If so, it'll be quite a while before she will necessarily be "ready" to date someone. If you're sure you want to be with her, I think you're going to have to exercise patience right now. I think that you need to just let things evolve naturally rather than try to force it with gifts at this point. Continue hanging out with her, and see where it leads. If after a few weeks it's still going down the good path, then maybe ask her out. I think waiting only a few days after someone moves out of a former relationship, isn't really realistic...have you ever been over someone in 2 days? Esp someone you lived with? Probably not. :-)
Johnny M Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Went on a couple of dates a while back. Bad timing as she was still living with her ex. So backed off but we still talked/texted regularly. All signs say she is really into me. Called me a few days ago to tell me she just moved out of her ex's place, so I wanted to start persuing her again. Basically I am the kick in the arse she needed to move out of her comfort zone and on with her life. I've known her for almost 2 years, went on the last of those dates 2 months ago. Told me in between then and now she thinks she loves me. She mentioned she wanted to come down and see me at work so thought i might just pop past her work and surprise her.. Giving gifts is generally a bad idea, unless you're already in an established relationship (and even then, don't do it too often). Don't ever forget that men and women have totally different mentalities. When a man buys a woman a gift, he thinks that he's doing something nice and is showing his affection. However, a woman sees the same gift as a kind of a bribe: she thinks that the guy bought it because he thinks that he needs to buy her stuff to get her to like him. And that automatically lowers the man's value in her eyes. Sounds ridiculous, I know, but that's how it works.
Author mushmush Posted October 31, 2009 Author Posted October 31, 2009 I guess another thing I want to mention, that you should also look out for, is why did she break up with him 4 months ago, but just move out? Was there a reason she couldnt leave sooner, and are her parents not local? Every girl Ive known that was done, left immediately. You dont share a dwelling with someone youve lost feelings for, or are not still somewhat involved with (i.e., having sex with). And DONT let that question go. Get an answer. She is a Slovak Student studying in Australia. So her parents and family are living back in Slovakia. From our conversations it sounded like a few reasons. Defacto, living expenses and just being confortable where she was. Her still being invovled some what with her ex was always in the back of my mind. Didn't want to push about on either of these two points as I wanted her to come to her own desision about moving on with her life by herself.
Author mushmush Posted October 31, 2009 Author Posted October 31, 2009 (edited) Based on further responses, and mindful of Tanbark's advice, I would suggest distant cordiality and pursuing other opportunities. She's consistently, by her actions, been ambivalent regarding your approaches, so approach someone else. Been doing that for the last 6 weeks So yeah visiting her at work was a way to break this distant cordiality and show I was still interested.. At this point I have (with the help of responses here as well:) ) come to the conclusion that this would be a bad idea. Since I've found out she was still living with her ex I have only asked her out for coffee last week when she mentioned she was telling her ex she was moving out, mainly to guage where her head was at. Two weeks before this, it was her that initiated the idea for lunch. Been messaging her just once a week or less in this time. So its been distand cordiality for the last 6 weeks and thats when (if I go on what she as been telling me) she has been making the changes in her life... She has been the one initiating contact lately, so we will see. Always been persuing other options and consistantly dating as well.. It's just this girl who has managed to get her hooks into me . I understand also that i've been contradicting myself a little bit as well.. Its been hard to keep my distance and be calm but I think i've been doing pretty well. Edited October 31, 2009 by mushmush
Author mushmush Posted October 31, 2009 Author Posted October 31, 2009 In my opinion, you're going to push her away if you come on too strong right now. You said she moved out of her ex's place only a few days ago, correct? If so, it'll be quite a while before she will necessarily be "ready" to date someone. If you're sure you want to be with her, I think you're going to have to exercise patience right now. I think that you need to just let things evolve naturally rather than try to force it with gifts at this point. Yup agree with this 100% thanks for your imput.. Good thing i'm working around 70 hours a week with 2 jobs atm so I have no trouble keeping busy. What ever will be will be.
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