mushmush Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 What are peoples thoughts on taking a gift into a girls place of work? What makes this a good idea? Or what makes it a bad idea? She hates her job so thought it might be a nice jesture to brighten her day...
trueblue72ny Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 we need a little more info than that, like are you guys happy? or on the brink of break up. if you are on shaky ground i would say Dont Do It. if you are happy togther than Sure, Why Not. butdontgo overboard.
tryagaintoday Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 you should do it once in a while, especially on special occasions, if you're in a committed relationship.
amirpc Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 What are peoples thoughts on taking a gift into a girls place of work? What makes this a good idea? Or what makes it a bad idea? She hates her job so thought it might be a nice jesture to brighten her day... Depends, is it a random girl or are you together or what? I've done this a few times but we'd been on at least several dates.
Author mushmush Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 Went on a couple of dates a while back. Bad timing as she was still living with her ex. So backed off but we still talked/texted regularly. All signs say she is really into me. Called me a few days ago to tell me she just moved out of her ex's place, so I wanted to start persuing her again. Basically I am the kick in the arse she needed to move out of her comfort zone and on with her life. I've known her for almost 2 years, went on the last of those dates 2 months ago. Told me in between then and now she thinks she loves me. She mentioned she wanted to come down and see me at work so thought i might just pop past her work and surprise her.. Does not have to be anything major (dont even have to bring a gift), just want to surprise her. I normally just send the odd random text to cheer her up when she is at work
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Hmmm... That depends on a couple of things. Like the kind of job she works at. Is it going to get a lot of unwanted attention - you popping in like that? What kind of a person is she? Is she pretty private? She might not be cool with the attention if she is a private person (meaning the private life and the work life stay completely separate - some people are anal about this). Like, for instance, I would not have a problem with it. I'm an open person. My mother, on the other hand, if a guy did that at her work under your dating circumstances, she would not be happy with the guy. So it really depends on the girl and the type of job she works. (My mother and I both work in office-type jobs, but I'm alone for 7 hours of my 8-hour shift...I still wouldn't care if there were people here.) Have you ever been to her workplace before? If you are positive she would be okay with that kind of a display, then I'd say either send flowers, or you could call her when she gets into work for the day and tell her you'd like to take her out on her lunch break - you'll pick her up. The second option gives her the choice, but is also a nice little break to the monotony of the workday - seeing a guy she likes (if what you said is still true for her).
Author mushmush Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 Yeah it's a toughy, good questions to ask SoulSearch.. I'm still trying to gauge how ready she is to start thinking about a new relationship as well.. Was just not possible when she was still living with her ex. All signs say that she thinks of me as boyfriend material and we have such a long history I cant see it causing alot of unwanted attention. Works in retail and is close to the people she works with and i'm sure they know I exist (and her reasons for moving) even if they have never seen my face before. I've been patient and given her enough time and space to sort her stuff out. I now want to be taking some more positive action because I know exactly how I feel about her.. The question remains though, is this the right type of possitive action?? After all my main motivation is to just cheer her up, show her that i'm still someone who cares about her and is willing to put in the effort.. Should I just go for it? After all I am just being myself..
Sith Apprentice Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Bringing gifts to a woman at work that your not even dating? This is a textbook AFC move that never works. Have fun getting written off as a nice guy.
hopesndreams Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Went on a couple of dates a while back. Bad timing as she was still living with her ex. So backed off but we still talked/texted regularly. All signs say she is really into me. Called me a few days ago to tell me she just moved out of her ex's place, so I wanted to start persuing her again. Basically I am the kick in the arse she needed to move out of her comfort zone and on with her life. I've known her for almost 2 years, went on the last of those dates 2 months ago. Told me in between then and now she thinks she loves me. She mentioned she wanted to come down and see me at work so thought i might just pop past her work and surprise her.. Does not have to be anything major (dont even have to bring a gift), just want to surprise her. I normally just send the odd random text to cheer her up when she is at work Not a great start to a relationship. She cheats with you, she'll cheat on you.
carhill Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 What are peoples thoughts on taking a gift into a girls place of work? What makes this a good idea? Or what makes it a bad idea? She hates her job so thought it might be a nice jesture to brighten her day... If you are an established platonic friend, it's normal for friends to do things for each other. Does she bring you gifts at work? If you want to date her, ask her out on a date. If you want to 'brighten her day', ask her out to lunch. Everyone has to eat
Author mushmush Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 Not a great start to a relationship. She cheats with you, she'll cheat on you. We went out for a drink as friends, turns out we really hit it off but she was not prepared for anything more. She was already broken up with her boyfriend.. It was just bad timing, simple as that.. She did do the right thing by me by letting me know what her situation was.. No cheating involved.. I'm not here to defend that as i respect her for how she treated me..
amirpc Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Bringing gifts to a woman at work that your not even dating? This is a textbook AFC move that never works. Have fun getting written off as a nice guy. This. It's too early. Edit: Holy **** I just remembered I did this last Christmas to a 9+er in a moment of clear stupidity. I had totally forgotten about that.
laRubiaBonita Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 If you want to 'brighten her day', ask her out to lunch. Everyone has to eat i second this one
Author mushmush Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 If you are an established platonic friend, it's normal for friends to do things for each other. Does she bring you gifts at work? If you want to date her, ask her out on a date. If you want to 'brighten her day', ask her out to lunch. Everyone has to eat Carhill you always have great advice.. I wouldn't call us platonic friends as such. For 18 months we were just kind of knew each other. When we finally did go out it was quite clear we were attracted and really liked each other but it was also apparant she was not ready for a new relationship.. So we backed off each other knowing that if we continued to date or see each other, things would only get messy. Meaning I would always want more than she was ready to give at that time. We were very open and honest in our communication. Right person, bad timing so to speak.. So we have dated before, and I have no problems asking her out on a date.. Couple of weeks ago she told me she wanted to see me, so I asked her for just a coffee. Said yes but became distant when actually setting a time. Still not out of her ex's place, not ready to date yet. Yes I know some people will say, she is just not ready to date me. Now Our conversations via text or phone have always remained kinda half way between gf and just friends if you get what i mean here.. Also She has moved out of her ex's place 2 days("courage over comfort" as she puts it) due to my actions and inactions and has started to persue me. I guess my question more revolves around timing.. more than any 1 particular act. So was just thinking a casual drop in might be a good way to start things rolling again.
amirpc Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 So was just thinking a casual drop in might be a good way to start things rolling again. That seems wise to me. Save the gifts for a few dates in imo.
tanbark813 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 This sounds like the episode of Friends where Ross shows up at Rachel's work with gifts to mark his territory. Ask her out for sometime specific in the evening. Don't do coffee. And don't drop by her work.
Author mushmush Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 This. It's too early. Edit: Holy **** I just remembered I did this last Christmas to a 9+er in a moment of clear stupidity. I had totally forgotten about that. lol yeah.. I would never do it do a girl that I was not even dating.. But we do have a fair bit of history.. Gift was just an after thought and actually made my stomach turn thinking about it.. Really it's just about dropping into her work before she has her break and having lunch with her. we normally would always text each other at work to help each other through our boring work days. Thought dropping into work would be a little better
carhill Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I'll continue my advice to ask her out for lunch. Perhaps, make it a weekly thing. She's out of her cohabitation for 2 days? Here's some real good advice. Watch her actions. She *said* she's moved out. If your lunch dates go well for two weeks, offer to pick her up at her new digs for an evening date, like on a Friday or Saturday. After all, you've known each other a long time and it should be no big deal. I know where all my friends live, get it? Be consistent. Be calm. Watch carefully. Women own the dating process. Accept that. Own yourself
BCCA Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I think you should ask her out, but let her know you understand she just moved out of her ex's place, and she can let you know when she's ready to date. Anything else, I think you turn into a rebound. Not because she doesnt like you, but because you are dealing with someone who is not emotionally balanced, and has not properly sorted herself out before getting involved with you. Dropping by her work is something her bf would do, and brother - you arent there yet. Dont put the cart before the horse, and dont get caught up in her too much right now. Shes fresh out of a live in situation with another guy, and honestly, is probably NOT going to be good dating material for a little bit. If it was me, Id ask her out, let her know the offer stands if she wants to wait a bit, and wait for her to come to you. If she never does, then it was never meant to be, but if you push this at all, youre going to end up getting used and abused, and not even purposefully.
tanbark813 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Women own the dating process. Accept that. Only desperate nice guys adopt this mentality.
amirpc Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Only desperate nice guys adopt this mentality. Yes...in my experience, especially once you're out of the early 20s...men own the dating process.
carhill Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 You only own your reaction to her acceptance or refusal of your approach. Have you been married?
Author mushmush Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 This sounds like the episode of Friends where Ross shows up at Rachel's work with gifts to mark his territory. Ask her out for sometime specific in the evening. Don't do coffee. And don't drop by her work. lol good point.. And Ross' motivations were that he was insecure.. Guess i'm really looking for way's that I can gauge how ready she is to start dating again with out making her feel uncomfortable.. I dont want to jump all over her now that she finally has moved out. Another idea was just to ask her to the day markets.. casual and fun, lots of things to look at and might find things for a her new flat.. Any other ideas are more than welcome.. but over all my gutt is telling me it's going to be another couple of weeks before I should ask..
Author mushmush Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 (edited) Nope, i've never been married.. I'm 31, she is 28 and has never been married either. Believe me, i've been calm and consistant. For about umm 3 months now:eek:.. She broke up with her bf about 4 months ago now but yeah, only moved out 2 days ago. Always moved on with my life, continued to date. But she has always been at the back of my mind.. BCCA very aware of being the rebound. Something i'm trying to avoid at all cost and hense the backing off by both of us.. I hear ya also about the cart before the horse. *note my calm and consistant statement about pushing things. Carhill. Very much listening to what she says. Says she very much wants to see me but goes all distant when actually setting a time and day for lunch etc. So it's going to be a little while yet.. Edited October 30, 2009 by mushmush
Author mushmush Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 (edited) I'll continue my advice to ask her out for lunch. Perhaps, make it a weekly thing. She's out of her cohabitation for 2 days? Here's some real good advice. Watch her actions. She *said* she's moved out. If your lunch dates go well for two weeks, offer to pick her up at her new digs for an evening date, like on a Friday or Saturday. After all, you've known each other a long time and it should be no big deal. I know where all my friends live, get it? Be consistent. Be calm. Watch carefully. Women own the dating process. Accept that. Own yourself i.e If she does not want to be picked up she probably has not moved anywhere and could be just stringing me along. hmm good point, I asked her what suburb her new unit was in and she didn't reply... Edited October 30, 2009 by mushmush
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