spoons Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Hey guys, I know many of you have gone through much more painful events but here's my story. My girlfriend (23) gave me (26) a marriage ultimatum about six weeks ago. She claimed we've talked about it before while I claim it came out of left field; I guess I doubted her seriousness. She was previously married at 18 which only lasted about two years. She called me one day while I was napping on my lunch break and said she wanted to break up and out came the ultimatum. I said I wasn't ready. I'm still concentrating on school, trying to find time for friends, and working a job I don't enjoy; the time seems less than ideal. We've continued to do things since but there's been constant tension. We had one particularly surreal night when we went to a radio station to pick up some tickets she won on the air. When we got there, the director of promotions showed us around the studio in an impromptu tour. Afterwards, he began to ask us questions about our dating and seriousness. One thing leads to another and he's playing counselor. He repeats like a mantra "you're just like my ex, Michelle" and telling my girlfriend "you're not ready." Other hits include "I can read souls; your soul is weeping." He essentially tells my girlfriend that she has daddy issues, that she doesn't know what she wants in life, that she needs psychological help, and is in no way, shape, or form ready for marriage. We ended up hanging out with him for over three hours. He shows us the feather in his cap that is his engagement video. It's a delightful video hosted on YouTube showing him asking his girlfriend to marry him on the slopes. He surprised her by flying her family in and they all held signs at the bottom popping the question. Awww, adorable. I thought he was a pretty cool guy and that we could do lunch sometime. So that night ends and he asks us to e-mail him the next day. We both do and get responses. A week later, my girlfriend goes to pick up the tickets because he didn't have them originally. Well, she never calls me and it turns out they hung out and went out to eat... another three hour endeavor. This time, I'm not involved or even notified. No call, nothing. I totally knew it was occurring but I couldn't make heads or tails of it. This is the same guy who pretty much ripped her apart on his armchair psychology session. I asked my girlfriend the following day what the hell that was all about and she said it was fine, it was just the same thing we had done the week before minus, you know, ME being there. I told her that I think he's infatuated with his "crazy" ex-girlfriend and he's reliving that through my girlfriend. I immediately ****list him. Well, the airwaves go quiet or so I think. They e-mail back and forth on a few different days. While it only happened maybe three times it was incessant... every four minutes kind of thing. She even bothered to log into her email on her phone to continue the conversation when she left her computer. She fails to tell me about the frequency of this. She goes to the radio station to pick up state fair tickets (though we just went to the fair a week earlier and agreed it sucked) that he was holding for her. She calls me when she's leaving and says "oh you were right he said we can't be friends." Well, I grill her because I don't find any solace in being right. I'm so pissed that she didn't listen to me the whole time. Well, while she's there, he asks her if she thinks there's chemistry between them. He goes on to say he thinks he can see into her and that there's a close connection. She disagrees with him and he continues on and says they can't be friends and they part ways. So I'm feeling sick because it took HIM to say they couldn't be friends for her to get the gist. When she came over later that day, I pretty much launched an interrogation. In doing so, I basically learned that she knew what she was doing was wrong and that, no, she wasn't so stupid to think that everything was ok. I ask questions for hours because my stomach is in knots thinking that she preferred some guy's company who was supposedly trying to help us over mine. I get a trickle of truths throughout the night. She told me that they talked on the phone for three hours one night despite bad phone service and consistently needing to redial one another. She initiated that call. She also gave me more details about their conversation earlier that day. Before the bit about not being able to be friends, he says needs to focus on his engagement (they're marrying in three weeks) instead of fantasizing about my girlfriend sitting on his face. The fact he said that makes me sick... apparently he said it twice. My girlfriend says that nothing happened between them and that was the first time he'd mentioned anything sexual. I do believe her. Well now I've felt like **** for the past few days. Call me an optimist but I really didn't imagine her being capable of lying on any level, really. Throughout the duration of their conversing, she's still giving me the marriage guilt. Well, I suppose I should stop being a baby and try and figure out why it all happened, etc. I think her and I need to possibly see a couples counselor and sort out our feelings regarding marriage, etc. Quite frankly, I don't feel ready for marriage. Aside from my own feelings, I wonder... should I tell his fiance? Is it my place to do so? Shouldn't she know that the guy she's supposed to marry in three weeks was asking my girlfriend if there was any chemistry between them and that he's fantasizing about her? I don't want to start **** but this guy sounds like a goddamn mistake and we're talking about their future here. My apologies to the TLDR crowd.
seibert253 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Couples counseling: Yes. Very good forum to get everything out in the open and get an "objective, professional" third party opinion on things. 1. You need to make it crystal clear to your GF she's never to speak to this dude again. (I hope you've already done this) 2. Your girlfriend needs to know about your displeasure (putting it lightly) in her lying and deceite. Not telling you something is tatamount to lying. She needs to understand if anything like this happens again, and she withholds info, your relationship is finished. 3. I think his boss should know about his unprofessional conduct at his place of employment 4. Damn right his fiance' should know about the type of slimeball she's getting ready to marry. It's the right thing to do. If the engagement crashes, it's HIS fault, not yours. Your girl was played, he played her like a fiddle. His only intention was to dump a load into her on the side. If she doesn't realize this, you need to insure she does. At least she was smart enough not to comply. Then you'd really have some sh#t on your hands. She needs to realize these incidents have put a hold on ANY marriage timeline. If she truly loves you, she will wait.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Aside from my own feelings, I wonder... should I tell his fiance? Is it my place to do so? Shouldn't she know that the guy she's supposed to marry in three weeks was asking my girlfriend if there was any chemistry between them and that he's fantasizing about her? I don't want to start **** but this guy sounds like a goddamn mistake and we're talking about their future here. My apologies to the TLDR crowd. Naw, the guy called it off... even though your GF was pursuing him. I don't think it's worth causing a crapstorm in his life just because your GF is nuts. Do yourself a favor and provide this girl some benchmarks. Tell her that you intend to marry her at some point (maybe get her a promise ring), but that you believe she is not ready. Then tell that if she can do X, Y, Z, you will marry her. That may work... it may not. Honestly, she sounds like a major time bomb. I would never marry her, and I would keep my options open for a new relationship.
Space Ritual Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Hey guys, I know many of you have gone through much more painful events but here's my story. My girlfriend (23) gave me (26) a marriage ultimatum about six weeks ago. She claimed we've talked about it before while I claim it came out of left field; I guess I doubted her seriousness. She was previously married at 18 which only lasted about two years. She called me one day while I was napping on my lunch break and said she wanted to break up and out came the ultimatum. I said I wasn't ready. I'm still concentrating on school, trying to find time for friends, and working a job I don't enjoy; the time seems less than ideal. We've continued to do things since but there's been constant tension. We had one particularly surreal night when we went to a radio station to pick up some tickets she won on the air. When we got there, the director of promotions showed us around the studio in an impromptu tour. Afterwards, he began to ask us questions about our dating and seriousness. One thing leads to another and he's playing counselor. He repeats like a mantra "you're just like my ex, Michelle" and telling my girlfriend "you're not ready." Other hits include "I can read souls; your soul is weeping." He essentially tells my girlfriend that she has daddy issues, that she doesn't know what she wants in life, that she needs psychological help, and is in no way, shape, or form ready for marriage. We ended up hanging out with him for over three hours. He shows us the feather in his cap that is his engagement video. It's a delightful video hosted on YouTube showing him asking his girlfriend to marry him on the slopes. He surprised her by flying her family in and they all held signs at the bottom popping the question. Awww, adorable. I thought he was a pretty cool guy and that we could do lunch sometime. So that night ends and he asks us to e-mail him the next day. We both do and get responses. A week later, my girlfriend goes to pick up the tickets because he didn't have them originally. Well, she never calls me and it turns out they hung out and went out to eat... another three hour endeavor. This time, I'm not involved or even notified. No call, nothing. I totally knew it was occurring but I couldn't make heads or tails of it. This is the same guy who pretty much ripped her apart on his armchair psychology session. I asked my girlfriend the following day what the hell that was all about and she said it was fine, it was just the same thing we had done the week before minus, you know, ME being there. I told her that I think he's infatuated with his "crazy" ex-girlfriend and he's reliving that through my girlfriend. I immediately ****list him. Well, the airwaves go quiet or so I think. They e-mail back and forth on a few different days. While it only happened maybe three times it was incessant... every four minutes kind of thing. She even bothered to log into her email on her phone to continue the conversation when she left her computer. She fails to tell me about the frequency of this. She goes to the radio station to pick up state fair tickets (though we just went to the fair a week earlier and agreed it sucked) that he was holding for her. She calls me when she's leaving and says "oh you were right he said we can't be friends." Well, I grill her because I don't find any solace in being right. I'm so pissed that she didn't listen to me the whole time. Well, while she's there, he asks her if she thinks there's chemistry between them. He goes on to say he thinks he can see into her and that there's a close connection. She disagrees with him and he continues on and says they can't be friends and they part ways. So I'm feeling sick because it took HIM to say they couldn't be friends for her to get the gist. When she came over later that day, I pretty much launched an interrogation. In doing so, I basically learned that she knew what she was doing was wrong and that, no, she wasn't so stupid to think that everything was ok. I ask questions for hours because my stomach is in knots thinking that she preferred some guy's company who was supposedly trying to help us over mine. I get a trickle of truths throughout the night. She told me that they talked on the phone for three hours one night despite bad phone service and consistently needing to redial one another. She initiated that call. She also gave me more details about their conversation earlier that day. Before the bit about not being able to be friends, he says needs to focus on his engagement (they're marrying in three weeks) instead of fantasizing about my girlfriend sitting on his face. The fact he said that makes me sick... apparently he said it twice. My girlfriend says that nothing happened between them and that was the first time he'd mentioned anything sexual. I do believe her. Well now I've felt like **** for the past few days. Call me an optimist but I really didn't imagine her being capable of lying on any level, really. Throughout the duration of their conversing, she's still giving me the marriage guilt. Well, I suppose I should stop being a baby and try and figure out why it all happened, etc. I think her and I need to possibly see a couples counselor and sort out our feelings regarding marriage, etc. Quite frankly, I don't feel ready for marriage. Aside from my own feelings, I wonder... should I tell his fiance? Is it my place to do so? Shouldn't she know that the guy she's supposed to marry in three weeks was asking my girlfriend if there was any chemistry between them and that he's fantasizing about her? I don't want to start **** but this guy sounds like a goddamn mistake and we're talking about their future here. My apologies to the TLDR crowd. Dude you are fooling yourself. Your girlfriend is a liar! They have had at the very least an emotional affair. I can only guess what it would be like if you married this tart. Uh I would dump0 your GF. She is in need of constant reassurance that she is desirable and that means a lifetime of infidelity. DUMP HER AND DO IT NOW! As for Radio boy, yep. inform the fiance as soon as possible. She may not believe you, but you are doing her a favor as well. This guy sounds like a real creep and your GF has already fallen under her spell. I suggest you tell this woman right away. she may thank you years from now.
road Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Marry this GF, hell no, don't even date her. While she is in a relationship with you she's entertaining offers to replace you. Date a GF that goes on dinner dates with OM?
Recommended Posts