Jenja Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Hi everyone, Well, I'm 38 and my ex (of 3 weeks tonight) is 24. Also, we work very closely together. He is a large, hairy, nerdy, intelligent man. I am thin, attractive, intelligent and goofy. Although we seem like an odd couple, everyone who knew us together said, "Finally, these two found each other!" Well, he suddenly, without warning, broke up with me 3 weeks ago on our 6 month anniversary. This all seems weird, but to me it was completely organic. I have only had 3 long term relationships; he has only ever had one other relationship that also lasted 6 months when he was in college. Whatever the reason, I broke all the rules. I have been sporadically contacting him asking him why and he tells me, "I just can't see us together for the long term." This was literally a week after he introduced me to his parents, told me he loved me, asked for keys to my apartment (which I gladly gave him). I thought it was the age gap, but he swears he is not that "shallow" and really can't understand it himself. I feel like our professional relationship is suffering because I no longer want to have personal conversations at work and am overly sensitive about how he reacts (or *doesn't* react) to me. We could be an incredible couple and I have the feeling he is just young and was afraid and may need some time to think things through, but I can't get away from him in order to get over him (and to give him space enough to miss me). The first weekend, he texted me that he was "a fool" and I texted him back that he should not be so foolish. Haven't seen a positive sign since. So after 6 months of a fantastic relationship, meeting the fam (who loved me), being loved and loving him back...boom. He breaks it off. It has been 3 weeks and I have broken the NC rule 3 times...not including work...we have to talk to each other every day. Does anyone think that I can get this thing rolling again? If so, what can I do? I have never in my 38 years met someone with whom I am so compatible. We are great friends, also...that relationship is also in peril...remember...we never, ever have had any kind of conflict in our entire time knowing each other. Does anyone think there may be hope for reconciliation?
Author Jenja Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 ...and I just texted him about a frustrating issue that happened right before the end of work, "Work frustration, I'm not taking it out on you, okay?" He texted back a half hour later, "ok." And now I feel ridiculous...this is much more difficult than the break up from my last bf of 5 years...do *not* understand why.
Pink Cupcakes Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Best thing is to have no contact with him as much as possible. The guy changed his mind about you. You might think you made a perfect couple, but he does not feel the same way. When he texted you "i am such a fool" he really was just missing the sex - I mean, has he begged you back? Nope. He is not that into you and very well could have met another woman he is more interested in and is dating her now. Don't text him asking him why and such - plain and simple, he is no longer interested in seeing you in a romantic way, and nothing you do will change that. He might change his mind later, but then you want to think twice. It could be the logistics of it, too, he wants to have kids, he wants a woman closer to his own age....even if you disagree with his choice, he has a right to this. Please move on, you are a grown woman. This really was just a fling.
threebyfate Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 jenja, it's rare but not impossible, for a 24 year old to want to settle down. That his relationship experience, is comprised of one 6 month infatuation, kind of says it all. Try to stay away as much as possible by not making contact unless it's for a serious, work-related issue(s). Beyond that, maintain NC and try as best as you can, to move on. He knows where to find you, if he wants reconciliation. If you don't put some distance between you, he won't miss you but more importantly, you won't move on.
Author Jenja Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 Thanks! I'm not sure I was really thinking "long term," but meeting the parents scared me probably as much as it scared him! Great advice...but he wants to be friends and says so every day...it's pretty tough. We were kind of best friends before, so it feels like I lost not only my bf, but my best buddy. It's tough. We both miss the friendship, but now it's too weird.
Metal_Muffin Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Well first off i know how hard it is...me and my partner broke up after three and bit years and i struggle everyday to not bloody txt him and beg him back...specially when it just happens! With no reason! Becareful what you take from certain posts as well...when it comes down to it on here none of us really know the right thing to say. We dont know him, you or you guys as a couple. Only you deep down will know what he MIGHT mean when he txts you certain things if you knew him that well. I honestly love my ex more then anything and i dont know about whether we can get back together because all i know is that i feel too much for this not to be the real thing for me...but its all about time. Just try and hold out on this nc maybe give yourself your a target date. Im txting my ex on his birthday whether people think its a good idea or bad..and my hope is to just leave him well alone for the next 4 weeks. We will see how that goes. Just dont have too many high expectations of yourself and how quickly you should heal etc...as i tell everyone and as i do myself....if you want to txt him....vent on here!! I hope it works out ok for you
Author Jenja Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 Ty, Metal! I have scheduled a trips to Thailand and San Fran for all of next month, so that will really help. I leave in a week so technically, I only need to do NC for a week before I jet out of the country ;-) I thought it was a good plan and make it easier to do NC for both of us. That way we'll have a whole month of NC...because it will probably be next to impossible.
Metal_Muffin Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Lol maybe thats what i need to do....go away!! I think thats the perfect thing for nc...so just aim for that week before you go. I think your do really well....i do hope it works out for you! Oh...and have an amazing trip....im very jealous
Author Jenja Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 Thank you! I need this, people! NC (again) starting tonight!! I'm feeling good now, but who knows where I'll be tomorrow morning when I have to see him again...meh...
Pink Cupcakes Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I think you also have to ask yourself if you really want a guy that much younger. I think he did you a blessing by breaking up with you now before you were even more emotionally involved. You are looking for a true, stable relationship and with that much of an age gap, this guy isn't really what you were looking for. If you were looking for a fling....you got it....but it's over now and time to move on. The fact that he repeats everyday "I just want to be friends" says volumes about his feelings toward you. I really don't think he's attracted to you in that way, and going out with you helped him to realize that he really just sees you at a friend.
salem mark Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 your in different places in life, hes too young for u
Author Jenja Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 Ouch. I don't think the age has anything to do with it and I'm sure he would have said so. That would have actually made it easier to accept. It's something that will never change, but neither of us really even gave it a second thought...I think if I were 24, too, he would have wanted to break up. It's everything...working together, things went pretty fast, our former friendship (literally best friends)...but if he says the age gap is not it, I respect that and believe it.
Metal_Muffin Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 So do I...i know couples who are married with the same ages gap!! I wouldn't worry about that!
deux ex machina Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 He is so young and inexperienced. You are doing the right thing. NC is best. The trips sound great - take it easy and enjoy them.
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