Hearts and Stars Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 My husband and I are going on four years now with our two year-old daughter and one the way. My husband is in the military and at times can get pretty rough. I am a homemaker and a student and my only friend lives five states away. Ever since I had my daughter I have learned to isolate myself from the world. I seriously think I have lost my Mojo... To make a long story short, my husband and I are always together with our daughter. I know i need time for myself but just don't know how to find it. I understand my husband needs time as well, but don't know how to LET GO...I feel our only responsibility is our daughter and I would feel guilty leaving her behind. My daughter use to go to daycare but it is so expensive now that we cannot afford it. I do not trust anyone to watch my baby, and dad does not have the patience.Today my husband came home telling me that the guys wanted to take him out and to me it just didn't seem fair. Would it be okay to let my husband go out? I would love to go out to a club to dance, but again I would feel guilty leaving my baby and guilty because I am married going to a club. Any suggestions?
Sparty97 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 My husband and I are going on four years now with our two year-old daughter and one the way. My husband is in the military and at times can get pretty rough. I am a homemaker and a student and my only friend lives five states away. Ever since I had my daughter I have learned to isolate myself from the world. I seriously think I have lost my Mojo... To make a long story short, my husband and I are always together with our daughter. I know i need time for myself but just don't know how to find it. I understand my husband needs time as well, but don't know how to LET GO...I feel our only responsibility is our daughter and I would feel guilty leaving her behind. My daughter use to go to daycare but it is so expensive now that we cannot afford it. I do not trust anyone to watch my baby, and dad does not have the patience.Today my husband came home telling me that the guys wanted to take him out and to me it just didn't seem fair. Would it be okay to let my husband go out? I would love to go out to a club to dance, but again I would feel guilty leaving my baby and guilty because I am married going to a club. Any suggestions? Ok, a 2 year old is not really a baby. If Dad can't/won't take care of the child you had together than you have a problem that needs to be dealt with. If it's you that simply doesn't trust him (or anyone) to look after her than you still have a problem that needs to be taken care of. If you won't let him watch your child why on earth won't you let him go out? My wife was going out when our son was maybe 8 weeks old. The child is a mutual responsibility.
lostlove1 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Having children brings on a whole new concept to a couples relationship....I have three children. Two from a previous marriage, and one with my current husband. With my first husband we had two girls, and they were my world. Over time they became so much my world that we drifted apart. I think that it is somewhat normal for new mothers to be so focused on their babies. But......we should have also focused on us as a couple. I don't agree on going out seperately, because it just seems to cause more problems in a relationship.....but I wish I would have tried to find a person I trusted and go out on a date with my husband. It is important to keep that love alive because in time, with diapers, and busy schedules, it can fall apart. Notice I said first husband? After 10 years of marriage we divorced when my daughters were 3 and 7....because we did grow apart. Plan something special together.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Would it be okay to let my husband go out? I would love to go out to a club to dance, but again I would feel guilty leaving my baby and guilty because I am married going to a club. Any suggestions? Clubs are for Ho-Bags. Find somewhere else to dance... take your H with you. Find a babysitter. It's something you need to do. If you don't go out your going to start resenting him. It isn't rocket science.
hopeful1980 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I know how you feel. I don't really trust people with my kids either. I've learned to make time for myself in other ways and let my husband watch the kids when I need a break. However, you should start to create a support system around you so you have friends you trust to watch your child. I have several friends whom I ask to babysit every now and then and they are invaluable.
quankanne Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 being part of a military community, there are endless opportunities to make friends with other military wives, who understand better than anyone else what challenges you face. Though I was a toddler when my family moved back to Texas, I recall the stories my mom used to share about certain girlfriends she would look up whenever they got to a new base because these were women who'd play Scrabble with her, swap babysitting with, go shopping with, etc. So definitely broaden your horizons by befriending some of your neighbors – it'll help you stay active, rather than just being holed up with your family all the time. Which, IMO, is not a healthy thing, because the other relationships get thrown out of balance. as for your husband going out: Encourage him to spend time with friends every once in awhile, but DISCUSS what y'all are not comfortable with, like the club invite – it could be that there might be something even more interesting (hunting, fishing, racing) that he might want to do, but doesn't feel right asking you, so clubbing is just a test request, you know? there's no law saying you *must* be together 100 percent of the time – frankly, I prefer to vacation without my husband because I don't like being rushed nor do I like my visits with friends cut short simply because he's ready to leave! – so start thinking of things you might enjoy doing alone or with friends you've made. A perfect way to start letting him care for your little one is to go out for a haircut, a pedicure, a visit to the library or bookstore for an hour or so. It's not a long time away, you don't necessarily have to spend money, and you get a bit of much needed "me time" while he gets daddy time with your baby.
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