Am I spiteful?

[aerogurl87]

I see your point, but it doesn't relate to me. You were a good girlfriend that helped him go through necessary changes. I went through the changes myself, for myself, without having my hand held by a good girlfriend.

 

Also, I am not and never was the party crazed, overly horny early twenties guy. Even now I am not a partier.

 

Yeah, lol, sorry wasn't calling you that or saying you were that bad, but knowing how my boyfriend felt I can see your point. It is hard to go from no girl giving you the time of day to them always being over you because a few things changed in your life. Makes you question people's motives more, makes sense to me.

[still.ellie]

For some reason, I felt the need to respond to this post. I'll try to keep this short, and not overly sanctimonious/ hippie-dippy. Yes, you sound like you are somewhat spiteful. It also sounds like you have some reason to be bitter. From what I read in your post, the most important thing is that you don't want to be either. This IS your choice.

I'm not going to tell you to just let it go; just because it happened in the past doesn't mean it's over by any means. However, you CAN try to contain your grudges to the individuals who actually hurt you. Yes, they were women, maybe even a lot of women. However, 'women' didn't treat you badly. These particular women did.* What can I say, women are people and a quite lot of people are manipulative, spiteful individuals (often for the same reasons you gave for being manipulative and spiteful).

You can choose to give people the benefit of the doubt, even when experience has taught you that it usually isn't warranted; sometimes, people will pleasantly surprise you. Until someone has wronged you personally, they don't deserve to be wronged by you like this. If someone proves she isn't worth your time, don't give it to her.

The women who are worth knowing will respect you for giving better than you have received, just as they will lose respect for you for this blind lashing-out at people who have never done anything to you. Behaving the way you are, you are dooming yourself to being surrounded by the very people you despise, even (or especially) when you are alone.

 

 

 

* Assuming there is more to this than just whining about unrequited interest; if I'm mistaken, than CHRIST, grow the hell up. No one's entitled to a relationship with anyone. /end mini-rant (yes, some bitterness of my own is showing).

[UrKillinMeSmalls]

Your very first post devoted to my thread. Now isn't that special.

 

For some reason, I felt the need to respond to this post. I'll try to keep this short, and not overly sanctimonious/ hippie-dippy. Yes, you sound like you are somewhat spiteful. It also sounds like you have some reason to be bitter. From what I read in your post, the most important thing is that you don't want to be either. This IS your choice.

I'm not going to tell you to just let it go; just because it happened in the past doesn't mean it's over by any means. However, you CAN try to contain your grudges to the individuals who actually hurt you. Yes, they were women, maybe even a lot of women. However, 'women' didn't treat you badly. These particular women did.* What can I say, women are people and a quite lot of people are manipulative, spiteful individuals (often for the same reasons you gave for being manipulative and spiteful).

 

I agree %100.

 

You can choose to give people the benefit of the doubt, even when experience has taught you that it usually isn't warranted; sometimes, people will pleasantly surprise you.

 

I stopped counting on that a long time ago.

 

If someone proves she isn't worth your time, don't give it to her.

 

Pretty much exactly my reasoning.

 

The women who are worth knowing will respect you for giving better than you have received, just as they will lose respect for you for this blind lashing-out at people who have never done anything to you.

 

The bold lettering is the key.

 

Behaving the way you are, you are dooming yourself to being surrounded by the very people you despise, even (or especially) when you are alone.

 

Probably, but I don't count on this lasting forever. Especially since I'm taking active steps towards change. I'm sure I'll be fine.

 

* Assuming there is more to this than just whining about unrequited interest; if I'm mistaken, than CHRIST, grow the hell up. No one's entitled to a relationship with anyone. /end mini-rant (yes, some bitterness of my own is showing).

 

You can keep this part to yourself next time. You know very little about the girls I'm talking about, I think you're another poster that assumes I'm going around breaking the hearts of great girls.

[still.ellie]

I apologize for the last part of my response. On review, it sounded overly skeptical and harsh, which was not my intent. I believe it is entirely likely that you've been on the receiving end of some atrocious behavior; however, just as I know nothing of the girls in your past (or present), I also know nothing of you. I've had too many brushes with overinflated senses of entitlement to completely dismiss that possibility, and wanted to cover all the bases. Apparently that's not the situation, so please ignore it.

 

Also, I don't think you are "going around breaking the hearts of great girls," per se, only that if you don't give them the chance to prove themselves (as anything along the spectrum from 'great' to 'complete waste of carbon'), the potential for that is there. Again, if this doesn't apply to your situation, please completely disregard it.

 

It just sounds like all of the time and energy that you're putting into this could be much better spent finding people that you actually value. The more time you spend with people who play into your worst expectations (for whatever reason), the harder it will be to come back. Ultimately, though, it's not my business.

 

Good luck!

[torranceshipman]

I was a late bloomer myself, actually, but I can't say it bothers me that I get hit on a lot now, yet didn't so much when I was younger. I think it is interesting how people are generally nicer to me now that I look more attractive - I'll always remember starting to experience that - and I find that quite curious...but I can't say I have any resentment etc for it.

 

Actually, over the last few yrs, I've definitely met a few guys like you, who act like you do, and I didn't stick around - but I also didn't let it color my judgement of any new guys I met. You should treat everyone like an individual and not let anything negative affect you...sounds like you have a defense mechanism and you aren't letting girls see the real you.

 

Plus it's not usually the nice girls that will stick around for the jerk off treatment...on the occasion that they do put up with it for a while it is out of naivete or because they have low self esteem because they've been through bad stuff in the past - and why would you want to hurt that kind of girl more? It's mean....

 

So I say you're better than all of this...just lose the attitude, be yourself, let girls see you for who you are, and go from there...

[UrKillinMeSmalls]

I was a late bloomer myself, actually, but I can't say it bothers me that I get hit on a lot now, yet didn't so much when I was younger. I think it is interesting how people are generally nicer to me now that I look more attractive - I'll always remember starting to experience that - and I find that quite curious...but I can't say I have any resentment etc for it.

 

That's good for you that you bear no resentment. Maybe our experiences are different even though they are still alike.

 

Actually, over the last few yrs, I've definitely met a few guys like you, who act like you do, and I didn't stick around - but I also didn't let it color my judgement of any new guys I met. You should treat everyone like an individual and not let anything negative affect you...sounds like you have a defense mechanism and you aren't letting girls see the real you.

 

This may very well be the case. I considered it before- looking at it as a form of armor to avoid taking the hits I took in the past. I haven't really seen a good reason to lay it down recently though.

 

Plus it's not usually the nice girls that will stick around for the jerk off treatment...on the occasion that they do put up with it for a while it is out of naivete or because they have low self esteem because they've been through bad stuff in the past - and why would you want to hurt that kind of girl more? It's mean....

 

Low self esteem maybe, but still bordering the edge of narcissism. Many of them have been extremely good looking, the type that go through guys in the same way I have gone through girls. A couple of them in fact cheated on their boyfriend with me, unbeknownst to me until afterwards. These girls I had zero pitty for, because I know the pain their guys went through. I tore them down mercilessly. I live in a major metropolitan area filled with girls that are Starbucks addicted Paris Hilton/Miley Cyrus wannabes. Not much substance to be had.

 

So I say you're better than all of this...just lose the attitude, be yourself, let girls see you for who you are, and go from there...

 

I hope so.

[UrKillinMeSmalls]

I apologize for the last part of my response. On review, it sounded overly skeptical and harsh, which was not my intent. I believe it is entirely likely that you've been on the receiving end of some atrocious behavior; however, just as I know nothing of the girls in your past (or present), I also know nothing of you. I've had too many brushes with overinflated senses of entitlement to completely dismiss that possibility, and wanted to cover all the bases. Apparently that's not the situation, so please ignore it.

 

Also, I don't think you are "going around breaking the hearts of great girls," per se, only that if you don't give them the chance to prove themselves (as anything along the spectrum from 'great' to 'complete waste of carbon'), the potential for that is there. Again, if this doesn't apply to your situation, please completely disregard it.

 

It just sounds like all of the time and energy that you're putting into this could be much better spent finding people that you actually value. The more time you spend with people who play into your worst expectations (for whatever reason), the harder it will be to come back. Ultimately, though, it's not my business.

 

Good luck!

 

This was good feedback. Thanks for the input and clarification.

[Jerry18]

 

What do you think ladies and gents?

 

How is this a problem?

 

I don't see anything wrong with just having sex with girls. Are you resorting to physical violence? If not then just do whatever you like that makes you happy.

 

Not everyone wants or needs a full relationship to be satisfied at life.

 

I went through a phase like you where I was kind of pissed off and hurt on the inside, like the "real" me didn't matter. .

 

Here's something girls don't understand.

 

If personality is the most important aspect of a relationshp, then why don't guys just date their best friends? The fact that guys need to date girls rather than their guy friends who share their interests obviously shows that guys care more about the physical aspects than the personality aspects.

 

I would rather hang out with my best friend than my girlfriend unless it's time for sex. Of course sometimes you get lucky because your best friend IS your girlfriend but that's very rare.

Edited October 31, 2009 by Jerry18

[cognac]

Well OP I can certainly relate. It's insane the difference in how women act towards me when I had a lot of muscles and an extremely dominant body language, with my more neutral body language (my body language used to get me in a lot of trouble so now I've toned it down as I'm trying to do the right thing) and my much thinner and slim body.

 

 

IN my every day interactions with women (I have many for my job) I go from women hanging on my every word, laughing at all the jokes, appreciating any burp I make in their direction , to them totally ignoring me, not even saying thank you when i help them. I won't say i'm not extra nice to the pretty girls myself, but the thing I don't like about women is that they don't show you any courtesy or kindness at all unless they are very physically attracted to you, I definitely try to be kind and courteous towards everyone. Unlike men who generally will be alright with anyone, with women if you're not a good looking guy (not even a freak ,but an average guy like me) to them will try everything in their power to be as mean and insensitive towards you as possible.

 

Nothing wrong with that of course. But we should make sure women are called on their bull**** when they whine about men.

 

 

I support you 100% OP. I'm going to try to gain my muscles and work on growing another 4 inches in height, then I will do what you do.

[UrKillinMeSmalls]

Well OP I can certainly relate. It's insane the difference in how women act towards me when I had a lot of muscles and an extremely dominant body language, with my more neutral body language (my body language used to get me in a lot of trouble so now I've toned it down as I'm trying to do the right thing) and my much thinner and slim body.

 

 

IN my every day interactions with women (I have many for my job) I go from women hanging on my every word, laughing at all the jokes, appreciating any burp I make in their direction , to them totally ignoring me, not even saying thank you when i help them. I won't say i'm not extra nice to the pretty girls myself, but the thing I don't like about women is that they don't show you any courtesy or kindness at all unless they are very physically attracted to you, I definitely try to be kind and courteous towards everyone. Unlike men who generally will be alright with anyone, with women if you're not a good looking guy (not even a freak ,but an average guy like me) to them will try everything in their power to be as mean and insensitive towards you as possible.

 

Nothing wrong with that of course. But we should make sure women are called on their bull**** when they whine about men.

 

 

I support you 100% OP. I'm going to try to gain my muscles and work on growing another 4 inches in height, then I will do what you do.

 

I think you may have misunderstood my position in all this. I would not put you and I in the same boat at all.

[UrKillinMeSmalls]

How is this a problem?

 

I don't see anything wrong with just having sex with girls. Are you resorting to physical violence?

 

No way.

 

Not everyone wants or needs a full relationship to be satisfied at life.

 

Multiple sexual relationships can only get you so far in terms of true satisfaction.

 

Here's something girls don't understand.

 

If personality is the most important aspect of a relationshp, then why don't guys just date their best friends? The fact that guys need to date girls rather than their guy friends who share their interests obviously shows that guys care more about the physical aspects than the personality aspects.

 

I would rather hang out with my best friend than my girlfriend unless it's time for sex. Of course sometimes you get lucky because your best friend IS your girlfriend but that's very rare.

 

Yes personality is the most important aspect of a relationship, but that does not mean guys would just go gay. That doesn't make any sense. Girls have sexual/attraction/chemistry needs just like we do. That's why some are attracted to jerks.

[cognac]

I think you may have misunderstood my position in all this. I would not put you and I in the same boat at all.

 

 

Weren't you all offended because women who would not acknowledge your existence years ago now are all over you? Welcome to the real world buddy.

 

It's why love isn't real. Love you get from the modern american woman is quite a bit conditional and extremely shallow.

[FryFish]

EFF reform! Keep killin them smalls. If they are shallow and you can tell they are shallow then send them away broken. In the long run its better because when they leave you broken then some "college you" gets a better chance at them.

I recently started doing the same thing you do to "pretty girls" to cheating girls. That is, I break girls who cheat on their boyfriends with me(This started after I was cheated on).

 

To all the ladies that say he is "punishing the wrong girls"... meh! Maybe one in a 1000 of you are an exception to the rule of attraction... That is maybe 1/1000 of the girls he meets now would have given him the time of day a few years ago.

[UrKillinMeSmalls]

Hi OP,

I was making a joke. However, thanks for the insult and telling me I cannot read. You have a bad attitude towards woman in general. You sound very spiteful and rude. I'm sure you get a lot of attention, but let them get to know you and that will probably change! Good luck, ex fatty.

 

Lol you have got to be a troll.

[UrKillinMeSmalls]

You sound like a very bitter ex-fatboy!

 

Your first post. Right off the bat with the insults.

 

Lol, personal attacks are very unbecomming of you. Grow up.

 

I was never fat, I went from underweight to muscular. Learn to read.

 

My response.

 

Hi OP,

I was making a joke. However, thanks for the insult and telling me I cannot read. You have a bad attitude towards woman in general. You sound very spiteful and rude. I'm sure you get a lot of attention, but let them get to know you and that will probably change! Good luck, ex fatty.

 

This was your next brilliant line.

 

hahaha yes im a giant troll! If you send me your email I'll send you some pictures and you'll regret those words...

 

but then again you're writing about the fact that you were a loser and now girls like you on a message board, so you're opinion isn't all that important!

 

Then you come again with this. What are you going to do next, stick your tongue out at me? You have spewed nothing but venom in my direction since you first opened your mouth. You must be a pretty angry teenage girl.

Edited November 1, 2009 by UrKillinMeSmalls

[aerogurl87]

oh and i see you were editing this post at 1:40 on saturday (halloween night) hilarious! I can tell you are workin it with those ladies

 

What's wrong with being on loveshack on Halloween night? I was on because it was raining out and I didn't want to go out and get soaking wet, plus I had no plans with my BF who was dead tired. So what are you trying to say?

[Art_Critic]

One thing to consider is time zones... 1am to you might mean 1pm to them..

 

LS automatically adjusts the time depending on the time zone you are actually in..

 

So.. while you see the time as 1am it might not say 1am when they login and view it or posted it.. it depends on their timezone...

[Sith Apprentice]

Keep pulling those hos big boy.

[UrKillinMeSmalls]

Lol jerseygurl, you can insult me all you want but you obviously aren't getting satisfaction out of it. I'm not the only one who sees how nasty you're being.

 

No, I don't want you to email me pictures of you. That sounds absurd anyway- but I love that you feel you have something to prove to me.

 

I have the flu, and have had it for the past 5 days- hence my recent activity on LS and my late nights. I know Halloween is a big deal to girls like you, getting to dress up and what not- play princess or w/e, but to the rest of the world it's just another night. Thanks for your concern as to my whereabouts on the weekends though , glad to see you're overanalysing the little things.