UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Just sitting here wondering to myself about how I have changed over the past 4 years. A few years ago, I was the type of guy that could not get a date for the life of me. I mean I could, but the girls ended up being not interested, friend zoning me, or ignoring/turning me down all together. Now is a different story though. In the past 4 or 5 years I have graduated college (no longer a broke college boy), bought a new vehicle, packed 12 pounds of muscle (at %7 body fat) onto my skinny frame, got a couple of tats, have my own apartment, and a few other changes I have gone through as a person. I have found that in the past year or so I have gone through girls like they are nothing. Attractive girls, girls that many would consider to be 8s, 9s, 10s. Part of me says to myself "Yeah you're interested now but you wouldn't have given me the time of day if you met me a few years ago." Sometimes I actually get angry with how a girl doesn't hesitate to openly flirt with me, because I know she wouldn't have done that before with the old me. I have become somewhat of an *******. Girls in their early twenties are shallow and immature for the most part I know, they like jerks- but I am a jerk without even trying. I even get a kick out of rejecting girls sometimes. I have no qualms about hurting a girl because I figure they can go through what I went through. This is not how I envisioned myself to be a few years ago, and frankly I don't like this part about me. So am I being spiteful to women in general for the pain and rejection I had when I was in college? Or is this just a phase guys go through? You know the age old saying: Q: "Why are guys so heartless?" A: "Because some girl ripped it out." I knew the tables would turn for me eventually but I didn't think it would be like this. That's how I think it is for me right now. What do you think ladies and gents?
torranceshipman Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I think you sound bitter and like you have baggage...but kudos to you for calling yourself out on it. I think it is completely unfair to sit in judgement over these girls - you have NO idea whether a girl would have given you the time or not a few years ago. Just treat the girls you meet in the future with respect, and enjoy and appreciate the here and now. Else you will keep hurting girls who don't deserve it, karma will come and bite you in the ass, and you'll just end up feeling like a bad person. Plus if you act with no respect to girls, the really great catches will pass you by, as they are the girls that have too much self-respect to be with a guy who treats them - or any girl, for that matter- badly. If you treat girls with no respect, they won't give you any respect back and that isn't a nice feeling...
Allthatsloveleigh Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Or is this just a phase guys go through? You know the age old saying: Q: "Why are guys so heartless?" A: "Because some girl ripped it out." No, it is not a phase every guy goes through. You are spiteful and bitter, please don't make excuses for yourself and your behavior. Don't "punish" anyone for perceived past wrongs of others. Don't place blame on anyone but yourself for your actions. You are the only person responsible for your attitude, actions and behavior.
Author UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 No, it is not a phase every guy goes through. You are spiteful and bitter, please don't make excuses for yourself and your behavior. Don't "punish" anyone for perceived past wrongs of others. Don't place blame on anyone but yourself for your actions. You are the only person responsible for your attitude, actions and behavior. Hmm, you sound a bit bitter yourself. Thanks for the advice? Oh wait there was none.
Author UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 I think you sound bitter and like you have baggage...but kudos to you for calling yourself out on it. I think it is completely unfair to sit in judgement over these girls - you have NO idea whether a girl would have given you the time or not a few years ago. Just treat the girls you meet in the future with respect, and enjoy and appreciate the here and now. Else you will keep hurting girls who don't deserve it, karma will come and bite you in the ass, and you'll just end up feeling like a bad person. Plus if you act with no respect to girls, the really great catches will pass you by, as they are the girls that have too much self-respect to be with a guy who treats them - or any girl, for that matter- badly. If you treat girls with no respect, they won't give you any respect back and that isn't a nice feeling... Yes you are right, and that is my thinking. I am being as unfair to them as girls were to me a few years ago. Maybe it's something I needed to get out of my system. About the respect though, I've found that the less attention and respect I give a girl, the more she wants it from me- and she'll give it to me no matter what. The problem though is that I know girls eventually grow out of the attracted to jerks stage, and if I want to be truely happy, I need to start acting the same way I did in college. I was a total sweetheart then, I just got hurt more often than not. I'd like to think I am less naive now, and refuse to wear my heart on my sleeve anymore. But to get back to the old me personality wise, I'm not so sure how to go about doing that.
Allthatsloveleigh Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Hmm, you sound a bit bitter yourself. Thanks for the advice? Oh wait there was none. You didn't ask for advice, you specifically asked if it was a phase guys go through or if it's not their fault, since women are to blame. I was only answering your questions, though I think taking responsibility for yourself (as I suggested) is considered advice. Take care!
Johnny M Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I don't think you are spiteful. It's just that you finally realized that girls like jerks and hate nice guys, and learned to play the game. I'd have no qualms about "hurting" the shallow/immature b*tches that you've described. Just don't do it to girls who are genuinely decent.
JohnP82 Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I can definitely relate to what you're going through. I don't know if it's a phase or not and I don't really have anyone to relate to. None of my friends ever had problems with women growing up so they see things differently than me. Since undergrad. I've changed a lot and gained a lot of attention from women. I catch myself at times, even in the middle of conversation, thinking that there is no way you would talk to 21 or 22 year old JohnP82. I'm certainly hoping it's a phase and how I feel now is one of the many reasons why I don't want to be in a relationship right now.
aerogurl87 Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Yep you sound bitter and by the way most girls in their early 20s who want something substantial in a relationship usually bypass college boys for older men because the college guys don't want something other than a fling 90% of the time. Or at least that's why I do it.
Awesome Username Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Hey, I can relate to you about this one! A few years ago, I used to have frizzy hair, crooked teeth, TONS of acne, more chunky, glasses, tired and really poor. Very few boys ever gave me the time of day. Then when I went to college and worked and started making money, (and with a little help from my aunt who took me in right before) I got braces, got rid of the acne through tons of lazer treatments, got contact lenses and bought some clothing that wasn't old or didn't smell like smoke or mothballs. Discovered makeup, ate well and suddenly I'm getting male attention. It was pretty sudden. I went through a phase like you where I was kind of pissed off and hurt on the inside, like the "real" me didn't matter. I'd hide old pictures and suddenly was insecure about everything and what mattered. Added to the stereotype that womens' looks are the most important in a man's eyes...you'd think it would initially feel great but somewhere deep inside you feel like the moral world has betrayed you. After a while, I figured that the "real you" inside that got less attention is also part of who you are. If you were always pulling females, you would never know what it's like to not be able to, or how it feels. I think that after the initial anger stage, having this experience makes you think twice about people and their intentions, since you know the difference between someone going after you for just your looks and someone who genuinely likes YOU and gives you respect. If you ever have kids someday and they go through the same thing, you can offer hopeful advice instead of empty words. If you need someone to vent to, I'm here! I hope that eventually you can learn to see this in a positive light.
Author UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 Yep you sound bitter and by the way most girls in their early 20s who want something substantial in a relationship usually bypass college boys for older men because the college guys don't want something other than a fling 90% of the time. Or at least that's why I do it. And the other %10 who want something more get **** on? The logic you use is exactly what makes me not care about how a girl feels. Thanks for the validation.
Sam Spade Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Hey, I can relate to you about this one! A few years ago, I used to have frizzy hair, crooked teeth, TONS of acne, more chunky, glasses, tired and really poor. Very few boys ever gave me the time of day. Then when I went to college and worked and started making money, (and with a little help from my aunt who took me in right before) I got braces, got rid of the acne through tons of lazer treatments, got contact lenses and bought some clothing that wasn't old or didn't smell like smoke or mothballs. Discovered makeup, ate well and suddenly I'm getting male attention. It was pretty sudden. I went through a phase like you where I was kind of pissed off and hurt on the inside, like the "real" me didn't matter. I'd hide old pictures and suddenly was insecure about everything and what mattered. Added to the stereotype that womens' looks are the most important in a man's eyes...you'd think it would initially feel great but somewhere deep inside you feel like the moral world has betrayed you. After a while, I figured that the "real you" inside that got less attention is also part of who you are. If you were always pulling females, you would never know what it's like to not be able to, or how it feels. I think that after the initial anger stage, having this experience makes you think twice about people and their intentions, since you know the difference between someone going after you for just your looks and someone who genuinely likes YOU and gives you respect. If you ever have kids someday and they go through the same thing, you can offer hopeful advice instead of empty words. If you need someone to vent to, I'm here! I hope that eventually you can learn to see this in a positive light. hehe, too bad I wasn't around in you'r ugly duckling phase, you'd definitely be gettin' business :laugh:. I went through something similar with my GF, but unlike most boneheaded guys who would have bypassed her, I was pretty smart about it - when I met her, she had hideous acne, some junk in the trunk, and was pretty goofy overall. But I would tell she's a fox underneath all that, and here I am a year later, parading with a hot babe around - the acne is gone, the junk is gone, etc. etc. etc.
Author UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 Hey, I can relate to you about this one! A few years ago, I used to have frizzy hair, crooked teeth, TONS of acne, more chunky, glasses, tired and really poor. Very few boys ever gave me the time of day. Then when I went to college and worked and started making money, (and with a little help from my aunt who took me in right before) I got braces, got rid of the acne through tons of lazer treatments, got contact lenses and bought some clothing that wasn't old or didn't smell like smoke or mothballs. Discovered makeup, ate well and suddenly I'm getting male attention. It was pretty sudden. I went through a phase like you where I was kind of pissed off and hurt on the inside, like the "real" me didn't matter. I'd hide old pictures and suddenly was insecure about everything and what mattered. Added to the stereotype that womens' looks are the most important in a man's eyes...you'd think it would initially feel great but somewhere deep inside you feel like the moral world has betrayed you. After a while, I figured that the "real you" inside that got less attention is also part of who you are. If you were always pulling females, you would never know what it's like to not be able to, or how it feels. I think that after the initial anger stage, having this experience makes you think twice about people and their intentions, since you know the difference between someone going after you for just your looks and someone who genuinely likes YOU and gives you respect. If you ever have kids someday and they go through the same thing, you can offer hopeful advice instead of empty words. If you need someone to vent to, I'm here! I hope that eventually you can learn to see this in a positive light. This is great feedback. I think both sexes go through this. I have a friend that was always really pretty, but on the chunky side. She has lost 40 pounds over the past 2 years and she is a knockout now. Her face is still gorgeous, she is lean and fit, and she kept her big boobs. She has guys clamouring for her that probably would have called her a heffer not too long ago. It's easy to sit back and say "oh your just bitter, get over your past." But if you haven't lived it and felt that confusion and betrayal from the moral world like what you said, then you just don't understand. Johnny M, you are right on several points as well. It's partly because I know they are shallow and immature and only want me because I'm the way I am that makes me not care about screwing them over. Facts are facts. When I was naive and wore my heart on my sleeve, girls took advantage of it. Now that I'm different and don't give a **** I go through girls easily, and however they feel about it is not my concern.
rina_r Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 karma will come and bite you in the ass, . Yes, it will! And i hope it will do that soon before he hurts more people!
Author UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 Yes, it will! And i hope it will do that soon before he hurts more people! Lol listen to you, wishing that upon others. Ever think maybe I'm just an instrument of karma myself, giving it back to the girls themselves? Get out of here with that bull****. I think you've been hurt yourself.
Awesome Username Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Lol listen to you, wishing that upon others. Ever think maybe I'm just an instrument of karma myself, giving it back to the girls themselves? Get out of here with that bull****. I think you've been hurt yourself. I think you should work on being less angry toward women. I know it's hard to think past the fact that they used to ignore you but now they're all over you because of superficial stuff, but know that through your anger that you're objectifying ladies as being shallow just as much as you were being objectified as being undateable back then. Instead of paying fate back, let what happened make for a more understanding, wise person. I think that will come after the anger had faded a little. I just hope that you don't accidently dismiss a woman who sees you for YOU because you think she's seeing just the outside and not the person.
aerogurl87 Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 And the other %10 who want something more get **** on? The logic you use is exactly what makes me not care about how a girl feels. Thanks for the validation. Pretty much, it's sad but true. Hey I'm 20 and I got tired of all the guys I met being jackasses who didn't know how to have a decent conversation with me without it leading to something about sex, so I started dating older guys (plus I'm more attracted to them in general). I can't speak for all women my age, but all the encounters I've had with guys around my age have been sub par in the dating department. Seems like the only guys my age who are worthwhile are either my friends, gay, or taken. So I think almost everyone is bitter about something when they are young in one way or another.
Author UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 You sound like a very bitter ex-fatboy! Lol, personal attacks are very unbecomming of you. Grow up. I was never fat, I went from underweight to muscular. Learn to read.
Author UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 Pretty much, it's sad but true. Hey I'm 20 and I got tired of all the guys I met being jackasses who didn't know how to have a decent conversation with me without it leading to something about sex, so I started dating older guys (plus I'm more attracted to them in general). I can't speak for all women my age, but all the encounters I've had with guys around my age have been sub par in the dating department. Seems like the only guys my age who are worthwhile are either my friends, gay, or taken. So I think almost everyone is bitter about something when they are young in one way or another. Atleast you too can admit your bitterness.
Author UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 I think you should work on being less angry toward women. Yep that's the goal. Instead of paying fate back, let what happened make for a more understanding, wise person. I think that will come after the anger had faded a little. This is exactly what I'm hoping will happen. It's just going to require some work. I just hope that you don't accidently dismiss a woman who sees you for YOU because you think she's seeing just the outside and not the person. And this is exactly why I want it to happen. It doesn't help though that since I've changed I went from not attracting any girls to attracting the wrong ones- who couldn't care less about who I really am. Maybe I'll have to wait until girls my age grow up?
ADF Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Just sitting here wondering to myself about how I have changed over the past 4 years. A few years ago, I was the type of guy that could not get a date for the life of me. I mean I could, but the girls ended up being not interested, friend zoning me, or ignoring/turning me down all together. Now is a different story though. In the past 4 or 5 years I have graduated college (no longer a broke college boy), bought a new vehicle, packed 12 pounds of muscle (at %7 body fat) onto my skinny frame, got a couple of tats, have my own apartment, and a few other changes I have gone through as a person. I have found that in the past year or so I have gone through girls like they are nothing. Attractive girls, girls that many would consider to be 8s, 9s, 10s. Part of me says to myself "Yeah you're interested now but you wouldn't have given me the time of day if you met me a few years ago." Sometimes I actually get angry with how a girl doesn't hesitate to openly flirt with me, because I know she wouldn't have done that before with the old me. I have become somewhat of an *******. Girls in their early twenties are shallow and immature for the most part I know, they like jerks- but I am a jerk without even trying. I even get a kick out of rejecting girls sometimes. I have no qualms about hurting a girl because I figure they can go through what I went through. This is not how I envisioned myself to be a few years ago, and frankly I don't like this part about me. So am I being spiteful to women in general for the pain and rejection I had when I was in college? Or is this just a phase guys go through? You know the age old saying: Q: "Why are guys so heartless?" A: "Because some girl ripped it out." I knew the tables would turn for me eventually but I didn't think it would be like this. That's how I think it is for me right now. What do you think ladies and gents? You need some perspective on things. First of all, women don't owe it to you to find you attractive just because you think you're a nice guy. You've no right to resent the women in your past for the fact they weren't interested. Second, the women you are meeting now haven't done a thing to deserve being treated badly. You are punishing them for other women's behavior, behavior that wasn't deserving of punishment anyway. Get that chip off your shoulder, enjoy your life, and stop trying to get even with everybody.
Author UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 You need some perspective on things. First of all, women don't owe it to you to find you attractive just because you think you're a nice guy. You've no right to resent the women in your past for the fact they weren't interested. I never said they owe me anything at all. Don't misconstrue my expectations. And I have every right to resent some of them, I'll feel however I damn well want to feel. You don't know the precise circumstances and reasons surrounding the rejections, so don't assume you do. Second, the women you are meetings now haven't done a thing to deserve being treated badly. How would you know? You haven't met the girls yourself. You are punishing them for other women's behavior, behavior that wasn't deserving of punishment anyway. In some cases yes, in other cases no. The 'no' is the part I'm trying to correct. Get that chip off your shoulder, enjoy your life, and stop trying to get even with everybody. That's the goal.
aerogurl87 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Lol, personal attacks are very unbecomming of you. Grow up. I was never fat, I went from underweight to muscular. Learn to read. You kind of sound like my ex boyfriend. He was 20, skinny, and what most would consider a nice guy. But he the worst luck with the ladies, until I came along. I built up his self confidence, then got him to work out some, and his life improved greatly in the social realm. That also was part of what led to him wanting to leave me to be a party crazed, horny 20 year old guy. And so yes, I guess I am still somewhat a bit bitter about that from time to time. Bitter, but still happy with the results life handed me.
Author UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 I think most people in this thread is assuming I'm going around breaking the hearts of girls that would otherwise be keepers. It's evident especially in some of the girls' responses- their own bitterness comes through in their posts because they think they can relate to them since they've been hurt in the past. That is rediculous; they don't know the girls at all- yet they don't hesitate with the personal attacks on me. PURE immaturity and validation for my whole argument. My whole point was that these girls are shallow no matter what. They weren't interested in me before for shallow reasons; yet that same shallowness is what makes them want me now. I have no qualms about ****ing over a girl who is still so obviously immature. Most of the girls I'm talking about are not the good girls (do they even exist?) everyone assumes I'm encountering. Show me a worthwhile girl that can see me for me and isn't attracted to me for my muscles, tats, what I drive, or w/e, and I'd probably stick around longer than 20 minutes. All the alterior changes I went through were for me, not to attract girls. Attracting girls was just what ended up happening, and the type of girls I have attracted is what has led to the changes I've gone through on the interior. It's not about blaming anyone, it's about recognizing that I am a product of my experiences.
Author UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 You kind of sound like my ex boyfriend. He was 20, skinny, and what most would consider a nice guy. But he the worst luck with the ladies, until I came along. I built up his self confidence, then got him to work out some, and his life improved greatly in the social realm. That also was part of what led to him wanting to leave me to be a party crazed, horny 20 year old guy. And so yes, I guess I am still somewhat a bit bitter about that from time to time. Bitter, but still happy with the results life handed me. I see your point, but it doesn't relate to me. You were a good girlfriend that helped him go through necessary changes. I went through the changes myself, for myself, without having my hand held by a good girlfriend. Also, I am not and never have been the party crazed, overly horny early twenties guy. Even now I am not a partier.
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