weltrav Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 Hey, I just need a place to get some of this off of my chest, since I don't have anyone really close to verbalize this to. I could write a novel here, but will try to condense things Two years ago I met the girl of my dreams in college and we became very close friends We were both dating other people but over time we realized our current partners weren't as good as we were together and a few months after meeting we began dating We were working several months in the same town and it was one long honeymoon Then we had to move 3 hours apart for different schooling and we tried the long-distance route However, during this period of time she became very depressed because she felt alone in a new city and would call me crying most days and began pleading with me to move to where she was All of this happened while I too was in a stressful period of my life, and honestly I began to be repelled by her--I dont know if it was a defense mechanism or what I even flirted with ideas of re-kindling my previous relationship with my ex because she was living near me and made it pretty clear she was interested Well for a few months this continued, my girlfriend being emotionally distraught and myself pulling back within myself and clamming up Finally, she said in April that she wanted to "take a break" or "break up" because I was hurting emotionally and she was too and felt like a helpless bystander 3 hours away She made clear that she hoped it was temporary. We spent the rest of the spring and summer chatting every 2 or 3 weeks on the phone for maybe a half hour I tried to give her room to collect herself while at the same time trying to put the pieces in my life back together Well come September 1 she found out I had recently been near the city in which she lives and had not told her She said she would have wanted to see me I since found out from a friend that at the same time she had said privately that she "wishes I would have come visited her, gotten my life back together, and then we could be happy." Well, then a week or so later I got a post on my facebook from her when she was drunk, basically saying she is pining over a guy she has a crush while at the same time wondering what happened to us I contacted her soon after and said that I do have feelings for her and would want to see if we can salvage things She didn't act too well to the plan, saying she doesn't know if she could do a long distance relationship anytime soon I asked her what all these mixed signals were then, and what I should make of her back in April saying she wanted it to be temporary, and she gave all sorts of explanations, from the 'temporary' thing being just to make us feel better to saying I can still be uber-close to her as her best friend again like before we dated A few days later I discerned from her that she had just met a guy on an online dating site and they had gone on 5 dates and had already made out I just about flipped, asking her why she would meet some stranger online and not even go on non-committal dates with me This is about where things stand as of the other day I'm trying not to talk to her or bother her on the phone Honestly, I dont know what I'd say to her other than what I've already said--that I think she is worth me going after and that our relationship wasn't just another failed love story I haven't slept well in about a month now and every time I wake up I almost have a panic attack, thinking about her being with another guy and replaying all of the memories we had together It is weird, because this summer, especially near the end I wasn't thinking about her very much Maybe I thought it was part of the healing process, but I guess I had not gotten her emotionally out of my system So at this point I don't know what to do Part of me wants to fight tirelessly to get her back, but the odds are so much against me The other side wants me to just end all contact with her and slug this depression and anxiety out to the end, but that seems to unbearable and endless I do not know if I can 'be her friend' again.. after being intimately connected with someone I sometimes doubt if that is possible But I also know that in the future if we had a chance to be together, I'd have to intitiate being friends now. If you got the whole way through that, thank you Would love to hear any suggestions or personal experience Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
lostlove1 Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I think you already answered your own question......... Contact her and express how you feel, see where it goes from there. If you didn't have feelings for her you wouldn't be having all those sleepless nights.....take a chance. Take it from someone that didn't listen to their heart.....take a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author weltrav Posted October 31, 2009 Author Share Posted October 31, 2009 Yeah, I've talked to her several times now, even went to visit her once. She says that she likes this guy and that she can't date me now. I know it is pretty straight forward then, but I just can't reconcile what she is saying with the signals she expressed in September. I'm terrified that she is just desperate for a close relationship and is going to throw me away for this guy. Right now I'm starting to feel angry with her, that I went out on a limb for her and she wouldn't take any risk. Link to post Share on other sites
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