i'mfaraway Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I know a man would beat the door down to reach a woman they want. But what are the chances of men not taking the next step because the women show signs of not being interested? Basically my question is whether there are cases that the men are interested but back off because they think the women aren't interested? I didn't commit to a second date with a man and accidentally not accept a goodnight kiss. No, it wasn't because I wasn't interested but I was so nervous around him. Would that make him back off? Can I do anything to save it?
betamanlet Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I know a man would beat the door down to reach a woman they want. But what are the chances of men not taking the next step because the women show signs of not being interested? Basically my question is whether there are cases that the men are interested but back off because they think the women aren't interested? I didn't commit to a second date with a man and accidentally not accept a goodnight kiss. No, it wasn't because I wasn't interested but I was so nervous around him. Would that make him back off? Can I do anything to save it? If you actually initiate contact with him, he would still think you have interest, if you leave it up to him, he's concluded you have no interest. I would think you have lost interest and would move on. If you don't want that to happen, at least make some effort to let him know you are interested. He cannot possibly think youare interested based upon what you said.
CaliGuy Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 If he's showing interest and you're not reciprocating, he'll get the message. The chase is fun -- to some degree. But you have to let him know you are interested or he'll move on. If he's getting a lot of "dead air" from you (you're not communicating with him) then of course he'll think you aren't interested. Call him and tell him you had fun on the date and would like to go out again. That's not so hard is it?
Author i'mfaraway Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 Would that still be possible if it's been a while?
CaliGuy Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Would that still be possible if it's been a while? How long has it been? I mean if it were me if I hadn't heard back from you within about 3-4 days of a date then I'd just assume you weren't interested and would move on to the next victim.....errr date LOL j/k on the victim part. What I mean is that men always (should always) have someone else in mind if their #1 or #2 option isn't reciprocating. This keeps men from getting needy/clingy, keeps them relaxed and ensures they always have something in the pot.
homersheineken Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 If you actually initiate contact with him, he would still think you have interest, if you leave it up to him, he's concluded you have no interest. I would think you have lost interest and would move on. If you don't want that to happen, at least make some effort to let him know you are interested. He cannot possibly think youare interested based upon what you said. Yup, I wouldn't think you're interested either. No kiss, no acceptance of another date tells me you're not really interested. It's up to you now
boogieboy Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Tell him that you were nervous around him and thats why you didnt accept his kiss, and you will accept it next time you see him. That will make everything better.
phineas Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 The kiss thing wouldn't mean anything to me. But, If I don't hear from her I assume she's not interested because it's been my experiance if a woman is interested she will contact me even if I don't contact her. how long are we talking here? a week? 2 weeks?
Johnny M Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Basically my question is whether there are cases that the men are interested but back off because they think the women aren't interested? Is this a rhetorical question? I didn't commit to a second date with a man and accidentally not accept a goodnight kiss. No, it wasn't because I wasn't interested but I was so nervous around him. Would that make him back off? Can I do anything to save it? Yes you can. The best way to let him know you're still interested is to call him.
ADF Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I have definately backed off from women who were clearly not interested. I think to do otherwise is kind of predatory.
CaliGuy Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I have definately backed off from women who were clearly not interested. I think to do otherwise is kind of predatory. Yeah. I might, if I am very interested in her, give one more shout out but mostly -- if they aren't reciprocating, move on. Too many fish in the sea to cry over the one that got away.
Author i'mfaraway Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 It's been a little more than two weeks. Saveable? In this case, can I still chalk it up to the fact that the guy isn't interested enough? I've read on LS that if a guy really wants a girl, he would hunt her down, at least more than the first date.
BookerT Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 It's been a little more than two weeks. Saveable? In this case, can I still chalk it up to the fact that the guy isn't interested enough? I've read on LS that if a guy really wants a girl, he would hunt her down, at least more than the first date. If he hasn't contacted you in two weeks then forget it. The answer to you OP varies, because there are so many things that could potentially put affect things, that I think it's best to have a list. But generally attracting men is like fishing, you pull a little, then let the fish run a bit. If your line is too slack then the fish gets away, but if you pull too hard the line breaks. It's an art, and you need to know the idiosyncracies of the particular male, there's no hard rule.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I know a man would beat the door down to reach a woman they want. But what are the chances of men not taking the next step because the women show signs of not being interested? Basically my question is whether there are cases that the men are interested but back off because they think the women aren't interested? I didn't commit to a second date with a man and accidentally not accept a goodnight kiss. No, it wasn't because I wasn't interested but I was so nervous around him. Would that make him back off? Can I do anything to save it? Well I think you should have told him clearly, in the moment, that you (are) nervous!!! Now, the best move is to contact him, and spell-out completely that it was only nerves which brought about the unfortunate way you ended the date. Make yourself vulnerable (instead of playing that stupid game of chess that so many individuals play when dating "I won't tell him what I'm thinking until I sense a pretty good idea of what he's thinking just in case what he's thinking is somehow different from what I'm thinking right now").
Author i'mfaraway Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 If he hasn't contacted you in two weeks then forget it. The answer to you OP varies, because there are so many things that could potentially put affect things, that I think it's best to have a list. But generally attracting men is like fishing, you pull a little, then let the fish run a bit. If your line is too slack then the fish gets away, but if you pull too hard the line breaks. It's an art, and you need to know the idiosyncracies of the particular male, there's no hard rule. Does it mean that even with all the bad signals I gave, if the guy was interested, he would still have contacted me? That there aren't anomalies to the rule?
BookerT Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Does it mean that even with all the bad signals I gave' date=' if the guy was interested, he would still have contacted me? That there aren't anomalies to the rule?[/quote'] He hasn't called in two weeks, he's backed off. If you want to save it, call him and see if he still wants to hang out.
Author i'mfaraway Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 I'm a little confused. So in this case the guy probably backed off because he thought I wasn't interested, not because he wasn't interested per se? I don't know how to differentiate between a guy not calling you afterward 1. because he isn't feeling it and 2. because he thinks the girl isn't interested.
BG1985 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Well you won't know unless you contact him and figure it out. It may be awkward and not end up the way you wished, but at least you'll know. The flip side to this is that if you don't contact him, you'll never know. If you come off as uninterested, a reasonable guy will choose to pursue no further. After two weeks, he may not be interested at all and has maybe even found somebody else. Just move on, there are other guys out there.
green apples Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I'm a little confused. So in this case the guy probably backed off because he thought I wasn't interested, not because he wasn't interested per se? I don't know how to differentiate between a guy not calling you afterward 1. because he isn't feeling it and 2. because he thinks the girl isn't interested. Like the OP, I don't always know when it's 1. and when it's 2. Can anyone enlighten us?
GorillaTheater Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Sometimes I imagine you'll never know, but this isn't rocket science. If you feel like you've adequately expressed interest and it's not reciprocated by him, then "1" is a safe bet. But if you've given mixed signals or no signals at all, go with "2". Personally, I wouldn't waste time on a woman who expressed little or no interest.
green apples Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Sometimes I imagine you'll never know, but this isn't rocket science. If you feel like you've adequately expressed interest and it's not reciprocated by him, then "1" is a safe bet. But if you've given mixed signals or no signals at all, go with "2". Personally, I wouldn't waste time on a woman who expressed little or no interest. What can the woman do to renew your interest? Or do you just not look back?
GorillaTheater Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 What can the woman do to renew your interest? Or do you just not look back? The best bet is to clearly express interest on her part, maybe through a phone call to ask about getting together again. Any response depends on the man and the circumstances.
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