Heartbroken Again

[daddypop1]

Here's my story, it is long but I will try to make it as short as possible.

 

I have been with my wife for 13 years, married 8. When I first got with my wife we were both 18 and she had a 10 month old baby. Within the first few months I had been informed by a friend that my wife had cheated on me with another of my friends. It took awhile but I got my so called friend to admit it. My wife never did. I made myself get over it and even tho I knew it happened I pretended like it didnt. I always kind of had trust issues since then but saw good in my wife and wanted it to work. We eventually got married, but I was kind of reluctant at the time. Over time I was glad I did and I really truly love her.

 

After 4 years or so my wife admitted to me that she had cheated on me quite a few times. I was really hurt and I left. Not too long after she wanted to come back to me and I took her back. Some time later she cheated on me again with my brother, and I didnt find out until my brother told me. I could tell he was really hurt by doing it and I dont think he has been the same since. They also screwed around on our wedding anniversary. Nice huh? Its like at the time she wanted to run away with him and start their own relationship. She left for about a week after I found out but then came back and begged me to stay with her. I have a huge weakness for her and I took her back thinking she could change. She always said that Im her angel and that Im a saint.

 

Fast forward a couple years and everything seemed ok. We had a 1 yr old and she was working as a stripper. I was home with the kids and I started getting that feeling again. She would be really distant towards me and not show me much. She started staying out all night and tell me she wasnt in love with me and wanted to be alone. So I left and she was having an affair with the dj at her work. At one point she had called me and told me she missed me and wanted to be with me. I told her I didnt know if I could do it anymore, but eventually I went back with her. She was still acting weird and I knew that she was still seeing him so I left again. She called me one night crying and saying she was sorry. I ended up talking to her new guy and found out that he had some other ladies come into their work and I think he blew my wife off. She was still working their but ended up getting arrested one day for money she owed and spent the weekend in jail. She wrote me like a six page letter telling me how she feels and that I am the only one that is ever there for her and whatever. She seemed really genuine and she quit her job. We have been together and seemed pretty good ever since. That was 5 years ago.

 

I truly believed that she had changed and grown up these past 5 years. Im not sure that she has cheated on me during this time. I really didnt get any feelings like she did. She had gone back to dancing for the past 2 years at a different club but I really didnt think that she was cheating. She says its just a job and she hasnt done anything to make me feel like she has been cheating. She always comes home right after work and we have been getting along.

 

My wife is seriously depressed and she tells me that I need to help her. All she has been doing is working and sleeping. She says that she is crying out for help and that she resents me for not getting a job and helping her. I take care of everything here. I am depressed myself and I do everything with the cleaning, the kids, everything. There are not alot of jobs out there right now.

 

I give her a hard time sometimes for her job and she says that if I dont like it, do something about it. She says I need to trust her its just her job. So we go back and forth and then I feel bad for giving her a hard time.

 

A couple of weeks ago she called and left me a message that she had to drive her friends car home cuz her friend was too drunk to drive. The next morning I went to her friends house to pick her up and she wasnt there. She took her friends car and never came home. A few hours later she called me and told me she had been out with friends just trying to live. She told me she went with a guy to one of his friends house to like an after party. I was mad as hell but she tried to tell me it was not like that. I know this guy and I know he has been hanging out at her work for awhile now. She says they are just friends and that hes a cool guy.

 

A few days ago she called me to pick her up at work. She seemed ok but I wasnt. I was mad and told her I wanted her to be real with me. Married woman dont just go out at 3 in the morning with some other guy to party. That **** isnt ok. I went off on her and she didnt talk to me for like 2 hours. She said she was really mad at me and didnt know if this was going to work. The next morning she woke up mad and said that she had been pretending with me for awhile now, even tho to me it didnt feel like she was. She says she has a wall up and is jaded and doesnt know if this can be repaired. She thinks that she needs to make herself happy and I need to make myself happy and she left me with the 3 kids. That was 3 days ago. She left me with no money and a broken heart again. She has alot of money and even cleaned out the change jar. I havent really talked to her and dont really want to. She has talked to our oldest daughter who is 13 now, and said they are going to look for an apartment on friday. My daughter says she wants to stay with me.

 

I am not a stupid person, I have a huge heart for her and always wanted to help her. Her mom sent her to foster care when she was little and her family abandoned her. I told her I would never do that. So I always kept trying. I really thought she loved me but she has said that that our whole relationship has been based on crap and doesnt know if its fixable. Its like she has no respect for me for what I have let her done and she only wants me when there is nothing else. It has seemed pretty good for 5 years now but i guess not. Its funny how over the past few days my youngest kids havent asked where mommy is once. I know that she has mental issues still and that I cant fix her. She even told me that recently, but I really truly thought she had grown up and changed. I understand that Im at fault as well. I have never cheated on her and feel like she is the love of my life even tho sometimes I dont know why.

 

Thanks for listening and I know some people are going to think Im really stupid but Im really a good person.

[JaggedRoad]

One thing I noticed in your post is your persistence in pointing out that you're not stupid. I don't mean to be rude, but is that something that you're trying to convince yourself?

[McGrupp]

wow. i now know why people keep telling my situation could be worst, but wow.

 

im going to guess she is really hot, or very pretty and you think you cant do better. well sir, i would believe anything would be better than this.

 

you should get your life together before its to late and walk away and find someone who will be loyal to you. protect your children from this toxic situation. if you got a hot piece once you can get a hot piece again.

 

from what i gathered from that piece she cheated what 8-10 times? at least. once with your brother.

 

STOP BEING A DOORMAT.

Edited October 29, 2009 by McGrupp

[daddypop1]

You both are right. I am stupid and a doormat. Its really hard tho cuz I thought she had changed and feel like I lost my friend. I know now that she wasnt. 13 years is a long time and it wasnt all bad. Im feeling pretty low and she just left me here with my kids, no job, no money. I need to quit feeling sorry for myself. Thanks for the insight

[JaggedRoad]

There's no point in beating yourself up either. There was a reason you kept taking her back. You need to be honest with yourself and realize what it was. You have no job because you simply don't. She did not take your job away, did she? Go fix yourself up and find a job so you can support your kids.