Could college students offer any suggestions?

[Kthn]

Hello, this is my first time posting, but itz about time i took the first step and asked for some help

 

I'm a 21 year old college student thatz gonna be going to Arizona State (ASU) next year for the second half of my college, currently enrolled in SCC.

 

a little info on me, i've only had one girlfriend and she was my first and only kiss so far and thats all i've done with a girl and that was when i was 20 (last year), she lied to me for 3 months while goin out with, who i thought was, my best friend at the time, to get out of the depression which lasted a while, i cut off ties with both of them which wasn't easy to do since we all have related friends, but itz working well now and i'm starting to care less and less and becoming happier and happier, focusing on school and working out and other stuff helps, (added 15 pounds of muscle )

 

i've learned a lot from my ex, how i was manipulated, used, but she was my first gf so i'm letting go of how stupid i was so i hope i can recognize and not to repeat that kind of relationship mistake again

 

 

i'm not a one night stand guy, i don't do drugs or smoke, i drink one or two beers at parties only (liquor tastes awful). i am however a hopeless romantic and i'm looking for something long term, i'm still a virgin and i want to wait for at least a few years or even longer into the relationship before i want to get that intimate, i think itz the best time spent when you cuddle on the couch and watch a great movie together, i used to make my ex cupcakes and baked her heart shaped cookies from scratch, i thought i was a good boyfriend

 

now i have a problem and i've always had this problem, i cannot talk to girls properly, fear of rejection, it took me a long time to ask my first gf out, we were friends for months and she initially rejected me and then something changed later and she mentioned she liked me so i said i guess i'll have to take you out on a date (BIG MISTAKE THAT TURNED OUT TO BE), i also asked another girl out before her, she said yes even though i stuttered my way through it, she turned out to be a born again christian who used to have a heavy drinking problem (i didn't mind, she was cute and sweet) and she wanted someone with strong christian beliefs and i couldn't give that to her cuz religion isn't part of my life so that didn't work after one date

 

my problems are fear of rejection, i don't think i'm good looking, confidence problems, no clue on how to approach a girl sitting by herself at the cafeteria or a girl walking to her class by herself

 

i've takin a few steps, such as complimenting a cute girl on her cool looking pair of boots on as i'm passing by or if i'm walking from the parking lot and girl is getting out of her nice car, i mention that i like her car as i walk by. thatz all i've done though

 

my question is to any college girls, 19 - 23 years old, how often do you get asked out? how does it happen? do you say yes? any advice you can give me? college dudes too, how do you do it?

 

are there any steps i can take that'll help me overcome my shyness and confidence problems?

Edited October 29, 2009 by Kthn

[gracielou]

Hey, welcome to LS!

I am 23 and kinda still in college... im currently in grad school. While I was in undergrad, I went to BC, there was no dating culture. We were very much a hook up school and many of the steady hook-ups eventually became bf/gf. It was very rare to see couples holding hands around campus and such. During my senior year, i was involved in a lot of retreats and this was a topic that always came up and it was very interesting because both girls and boys were frustrated with the hook up thing and lack of dating. So there has been a push at my old undergrad to bring back the date, there was a professor that actually gives a popular "dating assignment" with strict rules about the amount of touch and how long it has to be etc. Her class became impossible to get into because it was so popular.

 

However i met my boyfriend, at my undergrad and our relationship began very "counter- BC culture". We actually did date before deciding to become exclusive. It was a deliberate decision on his part. We met at a football game, he asked for my number, i decided to take a chance and i gave it to him. He eventually called (like 2wks later) and asked me to a dance, from there we did dinner and a movie, we did other campus events and soon started showing up to parties together and what not.

 

Now i had friends at other colleges/ universities where dating was common, and hook-ups were rarely happened. It all comes down to the culture of the campus.

 

One way to meet people is through parties but the chances of the remembering you the next day maybe slim, however being involved in clubs and other activites on campus is a really good way to meet other people and girls. The wider your social circle is the easier it is to meet people, who know other people. That takes the pressure off of you to initiate conversation.

 

The most important thing is to be open to anything, and don't go around looking for a relationship. Have fun enjoy college, meet a bunch of people, it will eventually fall into your lap. theres no point in trying to stress out or obsess about it.

[Kthn]

Good advice, and ASU is a party school and i hate that hookup stuff too

[Kthn]

can i ask any college goin girls how many times they get asked out in a day or in a week or in a month? i'm just wondering what my chances in asking out girls